


.: I Wish, I Wish, I Wish ~:||:~ Eddie Kaspbrak / Richie Tozier :.

by VashWritingPro



Series: .: I Wish, I Wish, I Wish/You Know :|: Reddie Works :. [1]
Category: IT (2017)
Genre: Anger, Angst, Anxiety, Cuddles, Depression, F/M, Fights, Fluff, Hugs, M/M, Nightmares, Sad Ball of Reddie, Sadness, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-03-12 22:57:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 21
Words: 66,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13557375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VashWritingPro/pseuds/VashWritingPro
Summary: Love is so hard when the only love you feel is the kind that you don't want.Of course he loves his mother, doesn't he? She loves him, he knows that. But it's just so hard not to hate a person who makes you hate yourself.Of course he loves his father. But it's just so hard to miss someone you never really knew.It's hard to miss someone whose death is the reason your mother makes you hate yourself.'You don't want to end up like your father, do you, dear?''Of course not. But will I really end up like him? You can't catch cancer, Ma.''Of course you can, Eddie. You can catch anything if you arent careful enough. Promise me you'll always be careful.''Okay, Ma. I promise.'But Richie Tozier turned his life upside down. Eddie isn't sure he likes it. The freedom, the excitement, the wind in his hair, that's all nice. But the other feeling, the warm one that feels like his heart is going to explode, the one that only happens when he's around.Eddie Kaspbrak is afraid of that feeling, and it is the very feeling he gets when Richie Tozier is standing too close to him.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> ! WARNING ! This story includes mentions of depression, anxiety, thoughts of self - harm, explicit scenes and homosexual interactions. If you are not comfortable with these, or uncomfortable with subjects that may relate, by clicking on the 'Begin Reading' you are agreeing to the terms that have been set and the author is not responsible for any effects it may have on your mind or body. ! WARNING ! 
> 
> That being said, I have really enjoyed writing this so far and I kinda wanted to make one that was better than the last one I did, so I'm probably not gonna update the other one too much more. This one is a lot more slow moving and based off of Eddie's perspective. I've already written like six chapters ahead of time so hopefully I can at least keep up with a weekly post. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this! Please comment on what I could do better, I'm always willing to make changes. :)

Some people say love is fire. It burns furiously through your heart, and I'll be damned if it doesn't hurt, but it's still worth the pain because love is love. Love makes you who you are and your love helps make other people who they are. 

Love, as the boy sitting by his window and looking out at the stars would soon come to find out, was merciless. It would tear at his heart and twist it and stab it in every single reachable place until there was nothing left than a scrap. It would poke, and prod, and apply just enough pressure that it was a little more than uncomfortable, and it wouldn't let go. 

The only time it would change was if it started to hurt more. 

The boy would soon come to think that once it hurt more, it couldn't go back. 

Once your heart goes beyond it's comfort zone, there is no return, and it is going to hurt forever. Because people may split apart, there may be tears shed, and hearts broken, but no matter how many times people say they're over all their old partners, or silly little crushes, nobody ever really is. 

Nobody ever gets over the illness called love. 

They just find someone who they love more than they loved the last person. 

That's why the boy was afraid. He knew he was sick, sick with this horrible disease, and he understood better than anyone else that it wasn't one you could recover from. He was going to spend his life trying to shake this illness and all that would do was make it stronger. Love was an incurable condition to him, and when he finally fell, for the first time in his life, he fell harder than he had thought possible. 

The boy with neatly styled brown hair and bright, doe-like brown eyes, his face speckled with freckles, would fall harder than anyone in the world. 

He would be seeing stars before he even hit the bottom, screaming up into the infinity, screaming, I wish, I wish, I wish, but what? 

What did he wish? That he would be loved back? 

That surely wasn't possible. Of course not. No way in heaven or hell would he be loved back. 

After all, who would love a boy who couldn't even keep his bones from being broken? Who would love a boy who couldn't even outrun a bully because of asthma he didn't have? Who would love a boy who clung to his aspirator like it was a lifeline even though he knew in the bottom of his heart that he didn't need it? Who would love a boy who, the one time they really needed him, couldn't even lead them out of the fucking sewers? 

Who would love a boy like that? 

Nobody, not a single person, not even 

(him) 

the person that he wanted to be loved by, not even the boy with the lowest standards in the world would want him. Not even that boy, the player, the one who will get down and dirty with anyone who looks at him would want to be with this brown-haired boy of thirteen years old. 

How did he know? 

 

Why, because Richie Tozier was not gay, of course. It was as simple as that. Richie Tozier, the boy's best friend, the clown of the group who never knew when to shut his fucking mouth was definitely not gay. The boy knew because almost every day he saw Richie with another girl, making out under the stairwell. He never saw him there with a boy, so that automatically meant, Richie was not gay. Period. 

But Eddie could hope, couldn't he? He could certainly wish. 

 

So that's what he did. Eddie Kaspbrak wished.


	2. 01

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eddie is late for school, and Stan knows something.

It was just like any other day, except for the fact that Eddie Kaspbrak was late for school. 

Eddie was never late for school, so this was definitely a first. He supposed he had just stayed up too late the night before when he had been looking at the sky. He knew he had gotten up at some point because he was in bed when his mother began pounding on his door with worried shouts and furious knocks. 

The young boy dragged himself out from underneath the covers, hating the feeling of cold air against his skin as he scrambled to his door and swung it opened, bracing himself for the ear-piercing shrieks about how it wasn't normal for his sleeping pattern to change so suddenly and questions about how he was feeling or how late he had stayed up. 

Sure enough, a pudgy hand seized his arm, sure to leave some type of bruise. He knew she didn't mean it, but it hurt nonetheless. He was too surprised by the sudden contact to register the pain until she let go, and his shoulder began to ache dully. He would have to check on it later. 

"Eddie! Oh, dear lord, Eddie, what are you doing still in bed? Don't you know how worried I was? Your alarm was going off, and I couldn't hear you getting up!" His mother was not letting him get a word in edgewise as she rambled about his health issues and whatnot, grasping at his face and checking him all over for any signs of sickness. She insisted she had spotted at least three chicken pox when he pulled away, forcefully telling her that he was fine, and pushed past her to take a quick shower. He was only about a half an hour off schedule, and he usually got up early enough to have time to spare once his routine was done, so he wasn't too worried. 

It wasn't until he realized that he had gotten so busy stargazing the night before that he had forgotten to do his homework. In a mad dash to finish getting ready on time and have it finished, Eddie ended up knocking over half of the things he was trying to pick up off of tables in the first place, such as his school books, his pencil case, even his entire schoolbag as a whole. The result was that he had to put multiple papers back in their correct binders and put everything back in his bag as neatly as they had been before. He glanced at the clock as he brushed his teeth whilst furiously brushing his hair at the same time. He hadn't the spare minutes to style it completely so a bit of brushing and finger-combing would have to do for the day. 

Eddie rushed out the door in a mad dash, whipping a pencil out of his pocket as he went, hand moving like lightning down his algebra paper. He hopped into the car, waiting for his mother to waddle along and get in, starting the engine. He buckled his seat belt, ignoring her lecture about how it was unsafe for him to be leaning forward to use the dashboard as a flat surface. 

"Yeah, yeah, Ma, whatever, just get going or I'm going to be late! That will go on my permanent record, you know!" Eddie finished the math paper, before taking out his vocabulary sheet for English and managing to jot down a quick and sloppy sentence for each, mostly having to do with the rush he was in at the moment. 

He didn't sit back until he had raced through the little questionnaire on the science project they had just wrapped up and put everything back in it's rightful place in his backpack, just in time, as they went flying around the corner and into the school's parking lot. 

Well, flying was a generous overstatement; Turning gracefully would have been a more appropriate description, as Sonia Kaspbrak would never put her son in danger like that. Most accidents happened within a mile of your own home, she would later tell Eddie as he was pulling his seat belt off before they had even come to a full stop at their house. 

"Bye, Ma!" He shouted over her fussing, like usual, and slammed the door shut, bursting through the doors of the school just as the warning bell went off. He didn't bother going to meet up at Bill's locker like usual, he didn't have the time. Instead, he hauled his heavy-ass backpack to his first period class, which was Biology. 

He managed to shuffle into the classroom and take his seat beside Ben Hanscom just as the final bell went off, gasping for breath. He fumbled with his fanny pack for a second, before realizing that in all the rush, he hadn't brought his fanny pack. He groaned, letting his head fall back. Ben cast him a curious glance, raising his eyebrows in question. Eddie just returned a miserable face, before raising his hand and asking to go down to retrieve his spare inhaler. Ms. Davis smiled sympathetically and told him that he could. 

So, Eddie walked out of the room with her hallway pass, his breaths whistling ever-so-slightly. Of course, Eddie knew it wasn't because of the heavy lifting. It was because of the anxiety he felt at the possibility of being late. But if it worked, as Dr. Keen had said to him that day, it worked. Eddie huffed and puffed, before entering the Nurse's office with a sheepish grin. She didn't look surprised to see him, just exasperated, like usual. 

"What did you hurt this time, boy? Scrape your knee? Or is it a sickness? Have you got the flu again?" Eddie flinched at the memory. Sure enough, he had walked down to the nurse's office in a panic but a year earlier telling her that he was sure he had caught the flu. Turns out, he really didn't; he had just been so psyched out by the fact that nearly all of his friends had gotten it that his mind tricked him into showing the symptoms. It all goes to show, Eddie thought bitterly, that Dr. Keen was right. It was all in his head. 

"No," he replied awkwardly, eyeing the drawer he knew his spare aspirator was kept inside. "I left my inhaler at home and I'm here to ask for my spare. I'll return it at the end of the day." 

The nurse eyed Eddie thoughtfully, sitting back in her chair behind her little desk, remaining silent. He half expected her to say no. 

Mrs. Baker was not a mean woman, not at all. It was just that she was always trying to push Eddie to stand up on his own. 

"You rely too much on that crutch of yours," she had told him once, gesturing to the little container of asthma medicine - Or, what he had thought it to have been at the time. 

Now, he stared desperately at her, his heart rate quickening. She was going to say no, wasn't she? He could see it in her eyes. That drawer was locked, and she had the key, and she wasn't going to tell him where it was. He was vaguely aware of the fact that his throat was closing up and he watched her watch him as he made his way towards the contraption, his shaking hand reaching out to grab the handle. 

To his surprise, and utter relief, it slid open just as easily as it was supposed to. He took a moment to breathe, though it was proving difficult, before plunging his hand into the depths. 

Nothing. 

Eddie broke out in a cold sweat. Nothing? How could there be nothing? His chest heaved as he peered inside, hoping desperately that he just hadn't felt it. He cast a horrified glance at the woman in the chair, who's face was grim. 

"Where is it?" His voice was hushed. To anyone else, he might look crazy. They would stare in horror, and say, "That kid's lost it! His mind! It's just an inhaler. Who needs one that badly? He's not even having that bad of an attack! He can talk, can't he?" 

In Mrs. Baker's eyes, though, he only saw pity. He hated when people looked at him like that. It made him feel like a baby. 

Eddie had faced a fucking evil entity just a few months ago. Maybe they didn't know that, but still. He wished people didn't look down on him like this. 

Eddie realized what he had thought before that and shivered at the memory of It, facing It, seeing It. He pushed it away with a shake of his head. It was only making his panic worse. So, he asked again, his voice trembling worse than his hands. 

"Where is it?" He hadn't meant to, but he took a step towards her, and her sympathy turned into concern. She rolled her chair back a little bit, but didn't look like she was going to argue. Sad, and even more sympathetic, she took it out of her desk drawer instead, and handed it over. Eddie immediately took a blast of it into his clenching lungs, letting them relax. He glanced at the clock and realized that shit, he had been gone for a long time. Throwing her a confused and slightly hurt look, he hurried out of the room and back up to class. 

Ben looked at him with friendly concern as he came scurrying back inside. Eddie sat down in his seat. 

"You okay?" Ben whispered over to Eddie. The brunette nodded, taking out his homework so that Ms. Davis could collect it. The class progressed much like usual and there wasn't any homework besides to study for the upcoming quiz on the concept their project had been based on. Eddie followed Ben out of the class, not needing to check his schedule to know that he had History next. Parting ways with Ben, he shuffled along, ignoring the snickers of 'loser' and 'short-stack' and 'fag' as he pressed on. He caught sight of a face he really didn't want to see, and his breath hitched as he lowered his head and moved forwards, hoping his small frame wouldn't be noticed by 

(Henry) 

the beast that was about to walk by. 

Of course, with Eddie's luck, his shirt collar tightened around his neck as he was pulled backwards and slammed into a locker. His aspirator, which he had been holding very firmly since its retrieval, went skittering across the floor and his history stuff fell from his hands. There were a few laughs

(that sounded just like Belch and Patrick and -)

as the bulking figure disappeared into the crowd, but not without shouting general threats his way. 

Eddie felt his lower lip begin to wobble and bit down on it, hard, forcing it to remain still. He gathered up all of his stuff, rubbing scuff marks off of his inhaler and entering the classroom just around the corner. He realized he must not look good, because the second his eyes reached Eddie, they widened and his usually bright smile faded. 

Eddie knew he was staring, but so was Richie. He stumbled forward so he wasn't blocking the doorway and put his stuff down on the desk next to his friend's, sitting with a loud huff. 

"Hey, Eds. You don't look too good. You're kinda pale. Seen any ghosts?" Eddie tensed, remembering the laughter in the hallways and convincing himself again that it was just his imagination. He looked over at Richie and cracked a smile, though he could feel it wavering as he let his bottom lip free from his teeth, and opted to immediately bite it again, chewing as he let his gaze fall away. 

His elbows felt pretty banged up from hitting the floor, and he observed that one of them was bruising rather quickly. His fingertips brushed his shoulder and he bit back a hiss of pain as they touched the area his mother had grabbed that morning. 

Eddie had forgotten about that, he noticed. Richie's joking smile was starting to fade once again. 

No, Eddie thought. Smile again. You look so much better when you smile. 

He shrugged his shoulders as if to say, 'It's no big deal', but Richie's smile was slightly uncertain. Gee, he must look real shaken up for even Richie to be worried. 

Eddie ran a hand through his wild hair, triggering his aspirator for the second time that day and willing himself to calm down. He took out his history homework, the only sheet of paper he had actually remembered to complete the night before. The writing was wobbly. He must have been super tired. 

He glanced at Richie, who, like usual, had nothing to present. Eddie rolled his eyes, fishing around in his back. He pulled out the crumpled piece of paper he had picked up off of the group last time they had the class and smoothed it out, carefully writing out a bunch of answers in sloppy script that could barely be discernible as his own handwriting. He made sure to get a few of them wrong specially for Richie since he had been forced to do the boy's homework again. 

When he finished, he passed the paper over to him, watching as he grinned, pushing his glasses up on his nose. 

"Thanks, Eds. I owe you one." Eddie scoffed, shaking his head. 

"More like you owe me ten. And don't call me Eds. I hate it when you call me that." He hear Richie chuckling as he rifled through his folder, searching for the paper they had been asked to take out. 

"Whatever you say, Spaghetti Man." Eddie sighed, exasperated, and wasn't at all surprised when he found his paper side by side with the same one, all crumpled up. He pulled out both, watching the teacher make his rounds and quickly smoothed it out on his desk, picking up his pencil. 

Eddie glanced at Richie, who was more focused on whatever the hell he was doing with that lined piece of paper than the fact that Eddie was writing on his worksheet. 

The brunette looked back down at the page and, as neatly as he could, wrote Richie's name in big loopy letters. He dotted the i's with hearts just to be petty and smirked. He had succeeded in making it out like Richie had the girliest handwriting in the world. He made two big looping hearts next to each side of the name before pausing and scribbling his own name on the insides of them just for good measure. He proceeded to graffiti his own name all over Richie's paper with big hearts and goo-goo eyes until he felt a looming presence over his shoulder and, without thinking, lifted his homework and passed it to the person. 

"Well, thanks, Spaghetti Man, but I'm not Mr. Wilson." Eddie froze, a blush blossoming out across his pale cheeks as he turned his head to see Richie, highly amused and grinning from ear to ear as he observed the work Eddie had made of his worksheet. 

"This is certainly a fine specimen, yes, it is. We will have a look at it and get back to you later this week, old chap." Richie spoke in the stupid British accent that Eddie hated so much, swiping the paper and sitting down in his own seat once again. But he didn't erase any of the things Eddie had put on there, just looked at them thoughtfully. 

"Is this what you imagine all of my papers to look like, Eds?" Said boy's blush darkened by about ten shades. 

"What?! No! It's a joke, you asshole!" Richie laughed, lifting the paper to the light as if trying to see through it. 

"Sorry, buddy, but I'm afraid the only Kaspbrak I write about in my notebooks that include hearts like these is your mother." Eddie groaned, his head tilting back. 

"Beep-beep, Richie. That was so dumb." The curly-haired boy merely continued to laugh at his own jokes, which he cracked periodically as the class went on, working on papers and whatnot. The homework wasn't too bad, just a few questions about what they had read out of he book in class. 

"Hey, Eddie, Richie!" Eddie turned to see Bev running towards them with a big smile. Eddie paused for a moment to watch as Richie's eyes flashed with a sudden anticipation, but didn't look into it too much. After all, Bev was dating Bill now. Richie may have been a player, but he didn't go around bopping other guy's girls. 

"Hey, Bevvie! What's up?" Richie lifted his hand for a high five, but she left him hanging with a devilish smirk. Eddie reached up and smacked his hand anyway, grinning as Richie smiled down at him. 

"Hey, guys. Bill was thinking about inviting everyone for a swim at the quarry and then sleeping over his house, since it's Friday. Would you two be interested?" Richie nodded, immediately breaking out into speech. 

"My foine, foine lass, of course I shall accomp'ny yee to tha' there quarry over yonder!" Both Eddie and Bev flinched at his horrible Irish accent, but they were laughing. Richie took a dramatic bow. Checking his watch, Eddie voiced that he had to go, or he would be late to his next class. 

"I'll ask my mom, definitely!" He shouted over his shoulder, unaware of the fact that Richie was following rather closely behind him. He slowed down as the crowd in the halls thinned out, turning to his locker as he turned the corner. It was a break between second and third period, so he had time to put his backpack away. 

The second his bag was hanging in the metal box, there was a pair of lengthy arms looping around his waist and a smooth cheek brushing against his own. 

"Oops! Sorry, Eds. I mistook you for your mother. But... I suppose you're pretty cute, too.." Richie practically purred in his ear, causing Eddie to shriek and struggle from his grasp as quickly as he could. 

Eddie whirled around to glare at Richie, who was laughing his ass off. 

"Oh Christ, Eds, you should've seen your face, it was all red and shit!" Eddie smacked him on the arm. flushing a brilliant shade of red as he pulled his supplies out of his locker and slammed the door. 

"Fuck off, Trashmouth. That wasn't funny, you fucking creep!" Richie trailed up behind him, still giggling. 

"Come on, it was a little funny." Eddie frowned deeply, refusing to look at the annoying boy. 

"No, it wasn't And don't call me Eds. And I'm not cute!" As Richie reached over to pinch his cheek, he strategically dodged sideways into his English classroom before remembering with dread that Richie was going to the same place. 

"Sure you are, Eds," Richie replied most annoyingly with a shit-eating grin. Eddie groaned. Why did he always choose to sit next to the boy? He was just torturing himself by putting up with this. 

"Be quiet and pay attention, Mrs. Brown isn't as lenient as Mr. Wilson, she wont put up with your constant mouth-flapping." And Richie did shut up, but not without a deep smirk, one that Eddie hated and yet loved so desperately. He felt the boy's eyes on him the entire class, hyperfocused on the fact that Richie seemed even more interested in him than he did in the new girl sitting in the back corner. 

"Quit staring at me. Find some girl to look at instead, you're distracting me," Eddie hissed as they worked on their worksheets. Richie snickered, and just looking at him longer, making Eddie shudder. 

"Distracting? How? Am I making you uncomfortable, Eds? Gosh, I'm sorry. I suppose I just couldn't help myself." There was a hushed giggle among the students. Richie definitely wasn't trying to keep his voice down. Eddie covered his face with his hands, exasperated and embarrassed but at the same time, excited to hear what he had to say next. 

"No, really, Eds, please, let me know how I'm 'distracting' you. I'm so very curious." The whole class held their breath and Eddie could feel all eyes on him. His heart rate quickened. Richie couldn't... 

He didn't know, did he? 

"I dunno," Eddie muttered, directing his attention back to his worksheet. "I guess you're just looking at me all funny, and I can feel it, and it's just distracting, y'know? How would you like it if I was breathing down your neck while you tried to get some important work done?" Eddie could tell by the malicious glint in his friend's eyes that he had walked right into this one, and it was going to be bad. The entire class started smiling. This was the very reason they liked this class. The adventures of Richie Tozier and Eddie Kaspbrak were beginning, and that was their favorite show. 

"Oh, you have no idea how much I'd enjoy that, Eds. It's not often you get to have someone as adorable as Eddie Kaspbrak leaning over your shoulder! Imagine that, would'ja? Imagine me, sitting here and doing my work, and suddenly this big beautiful face is leaning over my shoulder, so close that I could turn my head and plant a big, wet kis -" 

"That's enough!" The class was roaring with laughter and Eddie was taking deep breaths of his inhaler, face beet red for the millionth time that day as Mrs. Brown finally intervened, shutting down the little escapade. Eddie had buried his face in his hands, beyond embarrassed, and trying not to think too hard about where Richie's sentence had been going. 

Why today was it suddenly so hard to ignore it? Was it perhaps because he had come to terms with the way he felt the previous night? He felt a pang of dread at the thought, especially when he saw Richie chatting up the new girl after class. She seemed as slutty as the next girl with her shorter-than-necessary shorts and her tight little t-shirt that showed a sliver of her stomach when she moved her arms too much. 

It hurt most of all when the curly mess of hair could be seen pulling the giggly blonde down the hallways and towards the stairs. Eddie had no choice but to follow, as he was headed in the direction of the cafeteria and this was the quickest route. 

Richie looked back, he actually looked back, for the first time ever. Eddie's eyes widened and for a second he thought Richie was going to stop, stop and come with him instead, come sit with him and the others at the table in the cafeteria. He had this look in his eyes, almost like he wanted to say something to Eddie. 

But then it was gone, and with an overacted wink, Richie disappeared under the stairwell with the girl. 

Eddie stared at the spot where they vanished for a moment or two before sighing heavily. He felt an arm slide around his shoulders and looked up to see none other than Stan the Man with a grim smile. 

"It'll be alright, Kaspbrak. Don't get so down in the dumps about it. Richie Tozier, a kid who, despite his thick glasses, can't see beyond the tip of his nose. But eventually he will. You'll become his glasses, Eddie. I can tell you that much." Confused, but grateful, Eddie let Stan lead him away and towards the cafeteria, even managing to smile a bit as he sat down and conversed with his friends. Stan sat next to him in the seat that Richie usually took, which actually made Eddie feel kind of special. Usually Stan sat next to Bill, since they were best friends. Today the seat across from Eddie was empty. 

Eddie chatted with Stan, who didn't mention the incident again, even when Richie showed up with red cheeks and even redder lips and a bright twinkle in his eyes. Bill didn't look amused when the boy sat down next to him. Neither did Stan or Beverly. Ben just looked confused. Eddie stared at his food before offering Richie a small smile. He didn't want things to be awkward. 

"Hey, Stan the Man, you're sitting in my seat! I believe that is my Eds, as well, who you've got your arm around." Richie's shit-eating grin wavered when Eddie gave his harsh reply, surprising all of the losers. 

"You should have thought about that before you traded your seat for a make-out session, Trashmouth." Everyone was staring at Eddie, eyes wide, mouths slightly opened. Growing uncomfortable with the amount of attention, Eddie flushed, and muttered, "It was a joke, you guys. Don't get so worked up about it. Sit down before someone takes that seat, too." 

So Richie sat down, his usual cocky smirk settling upon his face. Stan didn't remove his arm from around Eddie's shoulders, which made Eddie feel a little awkward, but still thankful for the support all the same. How Stan had figured it out, only God knew. But if Stan knew, then it must be obvious. 

Eddie wasn't too worried. Richie was an idiot, and, like Stan said, he couldn't see beyond the tip of his own nose. There was no way he would find out unless someone told it to him straight. 

Richie didn't have a lunch, as usual, since he spent all of his lunch money on cigarettes. Eddie hated when he smoked but hated when he didn't eat even more, so Richie had begun to expect half of Eddie's sandwich as well as whatever else the smaller boy didn't eat. In this case, it was most of his chips and some of his fruit, but Eddie hadn't been feeling particularly hungry that day. 

The last two classes seemed to drag on, but Eddie figured that was because they were the only two classes Richie wasn't in, and without the damn kid talking nearly a mile a minute everything seemed to go by so slowly. 

After school his mom was waiting in the parking lot, like usual. Before she could bombard him with questions, Eddie opened the door, threw his stuff in with a shout that he was going to hang out with his friends and that he would be home before supper to pick up his stuff for a sleepover. 

He ignored her usual shouts to wait and tell her about his day, instead taking off after his friends. Bill had taken Silver, and Bev was riding double. Since Eddie's mom had driven him to school, Eddie had to make due with riding Richie double, no matter how difficult it was proving to be. The kid's bike was barely big enough for him anymore. 

There were shouts of laughter from all of them as they sped through the streets, towards the quarry at high speed. Bill came to a stop first, Bev nearly tumbling over him with a whooping laugh. Her dress had ridden up during the ride, but her shorts had taken care of keeping her covered, so she just simply pulled her skirt down without much thought. Eddie was clinging onto Richie so tightly that he was sure the kid must be suffocating, but Richie was laughing just as loud as the others as he stopped his bike. Eddie almost went flying as well, and, being smaller than Bev, he actually did lurch forwards a little. 

"Whoa!" Richie twisted around, catching the kid before he could fall too far forward and climbing off the bike carefully after making sure he was standing upright. 

"You ride too fast," Eddie breathed out heavily, causing Richie to smile widely, his concern disappearing. He slung an arm around Eddie's neck, much to the shorter boy's distaste (but at the same time, he rather enjoyed it). 

"We're off to jump into the pools of God know's what! Six brave men, soon to be seven!" As if Richie's words were summoning spells, Mike appeared, grinning widely as he joined them to park his bike under the bridge. 

The kids all walked, laughing and prodding at each other on their way to the cliff. Richie had stomped ahead, leaving Eddie to converse with Stan, who confided in him that 'he didn't think Richie was gonna last much longer', whatever that meant. Off of Eddie's confused look, Stan simply grinned, shaking his head. 

"Oh, Eddie. If only you could see beyond your own nose." With that, Stan ran ahead, falling into step beside Bill with a shy smile. Eddie thought about it for a minute, frowning. 

Oh, well. It was a beautiful day. And this beautiful day was giving him an opportunity to watch Richie Tozier strip down to his underwear without anyone else noticing. Except maybe Bev, who smirked knowingly, which made Eddie scoff. There was no way he was that obvious. Was he? 

'Oh, Eddie. If only you could see beyond your own nose.'


	3. 02

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for those of you who are reading this, I felt the need to mention the fact that I am taking most of my information from the book, rather than the 2017 movie adaptation. The only things I'm really taking from the movie are the characters' appearances, and a few memorable situations (for example their first visit to Number 29 Neibolt Street). Everything else is being taken from the books. They enter the sewers from a drainpipe in the barrens. They fight It using the Ritual of Chud. In this universe it is canon that they all had relations with Bev before leaving the sewers. Just thought I'd clear that up before I continued, because there will be flashbacks and I didn't want anyone to get confused if some parts related to the movie and others were part of the book. Thanks! I hope you enjoy the chapter.

The nightmares came that night. 

They always chased Eddie when he just thought he had escaped. They chased him when he was too close to being happy. 

The day had been amazing, which was an extreme understatement. They all took turns jumping off the cliff, Bev first, like usual. Bill jumped down right after as to not disappoint his girlfriend. Next went Ben, who insisted it was just to get it over with, but Eddie knew it was because he wanted to impress Bev. He still wasn't quite over the girl. After Ben went Richie, but not without a dramatic scream that nearly made Eddie's heart stop. He was going to kill him later for that, accidents could happen. Especially on a cliff this tall, he thought anxiously as he watched Stan disappear over the edge beside Mike. 

Eddie took a deep breath, and remembered the first time that he had been invited to jump off the edge with all of them. He had been ten, and he viewed it as a sort of 'entering his manhood' sort of situation. These boys still saw him as a kid and if he didn't do this he was going to be a kid forever. 

That was the day that Richie became his best friend. Eddie had been sitting further away from Ben and Stan, who, at the time, were the only other two people in the Losers Club. 

Eddie watched the two boys make the jump, laughing the whole way down. Richie stood by the edge, grinning as there was a loud splash, indicating they had made their mark. He glanced back at Eddie, who was standing further back, half-wishing that they would all just jump and forget he had ever been there. 

Eddie's eyes met Richie's, and he knew he was going to be jumping off of that cliff. Richie's grin lost some of it's edge, softening as he backtracked. 

"Hey. You coming?" The taller boy gestured to the drop, and the second Eddie peered over, his face whitened. If his mother knew what he was doing she would flip her shit, he was 100% sure of that. He looked back up at Richie with big eyes. 

Ten year old Eddie was absolutely positive of two things in that moment - 

One, there was no way in hell that he was going to jump off of that ledge. 

Two, there was no way in hell Richie Tozier was going to let him chicken out. 

The small child was surprised when Richie held out a hand. He had big hands, Eddie noticed. His fingers were long and skinny, just like the rest of him. Sometimes Eddie felt like Richie was too skinny, but he had never really thought to wonder why. 

"Together?" Richie's smile made Eddie's entire face slack, jaw dropping. 

That was the day that Eddie Kaspbrak fell a little in love with the boy he called his best friend. Together, hand in hands, they had jumped, Eddie screaming bloody murder the whole way and Richie laughing like a maniac. 

"Yes, Eds, that's the way, just scream, keep yellin -" 

That was also the first time he ever called him 'Eds'. 

Eddie was shaking like a leaf when he hit the water, and Richie had immediately gone to his aid without even noticing what he was doing to poor Eddie. 

The boy had just barely reached double digits in his age, he didn't even know what love was, let alone what you were supposed to do when you were in it. 

After all, boys weren't supposed to love boys, were they? 

So, nearly four years later, Eddie found himself in the same position he had been in the first time. The only difference was, there was no Richie to hold his hand. Richie held his hand every time, until their very last visit, but that didn't count. Eddie had been pushed that time. 

His feet shuffling uncertainly, Eddie looked over the drop, and suddenly he was ten years old again, and the drop seemed so much further. He could feel himself starting to shake. He pushed the feeling down, and told himself that he could do this. Richie was down there, watching, and so were all of his friends. He didn't need someone to hold his hand anymore, he was almost fourteen, for God's sake. He had faced the very definition of evil a few months ago. This was nothing. 

But Eddie couldn't move, he just looked. All of his friends looked very small down there. 

When Richie looked up and waved, he only managed to raise his hand a little bit. His heart was racing. What if he hit the water so hard that his entire body just went splat, and he was dead? 

Eddie knew he was being ridiculous. If all of his friends could, so could he. If he could jump with Richie, what was the difference from jumping without him? It was the same cliff. He took a few steps back, knowing that he would need a running start if he was ever going to do this. 

He took a few more deep breaths, and found himself imagining that Richie really was there. He must have been standing there for a really long time, because suddenly, there was a really warm and rather wet hand clutching his own. Eddie's eyes snapped opened wide, and he looked beside him, but nobody was there. 

"Alright, Eds," he muttered to himself, hating how warm he felt as he remembered the nickname. "Go. You can do it." He remembered the exact words Richie had been screaming the first time and broke into a stumbling run, his heart feeling like it was about to explode. 

"Scream, that's the way, keep yelling, JUMP!" Eddie's hand clenched around air, the feeling of Richie's hand disappearing as he began to free-fall. His eyes widened as he flipped forward, and he desperately squirmed in the air so his feet would go before his head. The second he hit the water a familiarly slender pair of arms were pulling him up and into a bone-crushing hug. 

"You did it, Eds! That was fucking amazing! You were yelling before you even jumped!" Eddie managed to force his eyes opened, lungs screaming and look at Richie, who was swinging him around in the water with the biggest smile on planet earth. His eyes were filled with wonder as he looked up at Eddie, who was elevated due to the fact that Richie was still lifting him up. 

"You did it all by yourself, Eds. You don't need me anymore!" He pretended to wipe a tear from his face, but the droplets of water on his hand just made it look like there were real tears. Eddie's heart leaped into his chest at Richie's words. 

"Of course I need you, stupid!" He gasped for breath, heart still pounding. "Who'll..." He paused, swallowing. He felt Richie lower him down slowly into the cool liquid, but his arms stayed around Eddie, trailing light circles on his back. 

"Of course you still need me. Who am I kidding?" Richie laughed, and the sound was directly next to Eddie's ear. This wasn't helping, he realized as his face began to heat up. He rested his chin on Richie's shoulder, hanging off of the slightly older boy as he watched their friends behind him, focusing on the way Richie's hands never stopped moving across his back. 

This was perfect, he noticed. He felt normal, he felt absolutely normal and like the luckiest guy on Earth to have such great friends and still spend a normal afternoon, even after everything. 

That was why the nightmares were so bad that night, despite being at Bill's house with everyone around him. His day had been perfect, it had felt so right, so plain, so good, as if nothing had ever happened. That was why they would be bad. 

He needed to be reminded that everything wasn't perfect and he couldn't ever go back to normal. Everything had changed and it was going to stay changed. 

Eddie had tried to stay awake, he really did. He knew it wasn't going to end well for him if he let himself fall asleep. Nobody knew about his nightmares, so what would happen if he woke up screaming? The first relapse was usually the worst. He would wake everyone up, he knew it. 

Eddie stared at the ceiling, hearing everyone's hushed breathing. God, why was he so stupid? Why couldn't he just forget about it like everyone else? 

He shimmied out of his sleeping bag, before picking it up. He would just have to spend the night somewhere else. He stepped silently over the sleeping masses on the floor and exited the room as quietly as he could, wincing at the low creak of the door. Once he was sure nobody had stirred, he continued on. There was no chance of him staying up all night, he had exhausted himself earlier. 

Eddie crept downstairs and into the living room, the furthest room from any of the house's bedrooms. He spread out his sleeping bag, putting his pillow down at the top and trying to get comfortable. 

It was hard to relax when he knew what was about to happen. 

Eddie sighed, his heartbeat slowing as he felt his eyes sliding shut. He tried to fight it, but at the same time, the feeling was so sweet, so cloud-like. He forgot all about the fact that it was about to change to something much, much scarier, and let himself drift. 

 

 

He was sitting at home. A perfectly normal day. This was how it always started. Eddie knew something wasn't right, but for some reason, he could never understand the fact that he was dreaming. Of course he was awake, and it was summer time. He was about to go out with his friends. He looked down at the cast on his arm. He was writing on it, he recalled. A big red V to cover the S in 'loser'. 

Eddie heard the phone right, and his stomach dropped. Somehow, he knew what it was going to say. He knew exactly who it was. He got up, walking over and picking up the receiver. 

With his head down, he took the call as quietly as possible so he didn't alarm his mother, even though the fear was beginning to overwhelm him. He knew it was only fair that he helped. After all, Bev was his friend, too. He hated hearing Big Bill sound so scared. Heart sinking further than he thought possible, Eddie agreed. 

He hung up the phone, grabbing his aspirator. He was going to need it, he knew he was going to need it. He rushed out the door, past his mother who was screaming bloody murder and past the rest of his driveway, hopping onto his bike at the end. 

Eddie wondered if he would ever see his mother again. The last thing he had done was yelled at her. He would just have to make sure he made it back, then, he told himself. 

He spotted Bill and the others, all but Bev. He practically threw his bike down under the bridge, stumbling over to the group. 

Bill looked grim. Stan looked scared. Ben looked angry. Mike looked determined. 

Richie looked... Lost. 

Eddie was by his side in an instant. He was sure he looked pale, because Richie offered him a reassuring smile and, to Eddie's surprise, grabbed his hand. Richie would later tell him that it was for himself, more than anything, and Eddie was okay with it either way. It made him feel safer. 

They entered the sewers from one of the drains in the barrens. They could hear Henry Bowers and his friends shrieking as they ran. Eddie had been forced away from Richie and to the front of the group, as their guide. He moved as quickly as he could, forcing himself not to puke as they passed Patrick's body, rotten and decaying. He gagged, stumbling onwards. When Bill's voice sounded in a cry of surprise and fear, Eddie was sure he was going to faint. Ben bumped into him when he stopped, sending him tumbling forward with a screech and his foot landed where there should have been more ground, but went straight through. 

"Eddie! Relax, I've got you." Bill had gotten up just in time, hugging the boy tightly as he gasped for the breath he was losing quickly. His heart just sped up when he heard Henry screaming. 

Eddie flashed forward to the horrible eyeball, the one that was trying to eat Bill, and he whipped out his inhaler, screaming as he sprayed the big orb. Richie was crying. Eddie fell to his knees in the dirty water and felt tears choking him up as well. Of course It had to take Bev. He flashed forward again to standing outside the door. He didn't look at it, knowing it would just be horrible. Another flash and they were fighting It. Eddie's head lolled backwards as he clutched Richie's hand, but he could feel it being pulled away. Bev was dead. She was being hung by the spiderwebs, dangling right before their eyes. Bill was furious, performing Chud and biting down as hard as he could, but Eddie could feel his presence ebbing away as well. 

He tried to open his eyes, but they were so heavy. He could feel Richie's hand pulling away. He gripped his friend's hand tighter, and he could hear himself screaming as he tried to pull Richie closer, his eyes finally flying opened with a sudden horror. 

They were all dead. It was spinning them up in Its webs. Bill was first, he hung beside Bev. It ate Ben. Mike was just remnants of a body smashed against the wall. Stan was being eaten by the giant bird. Richie was clutching Eddie's hand, and for a minute, Eddie thought he was still, alive, but then he looked closer. 

Richie didn't have a head. How had Eddie not noticed? He looked down at the hand he was holding and screamed. It wasn't even attached to Richie's body! 

What body? 

What friends? 

What It? 

There was nothing. Eddie was sitting in bed, eyes wide opened. That was a strange dream, wasn't it? There was no such thing as Pennywise The Dancing Clown. Who was Bev? Who was Mike? Who was Stan? Who was Bill? Who was Ben? 

Who was Richie? 

Eddie looked down at his hands. His arm wasn't broken. When he saw his reflection, it was him, but he was different. Older. He knew a Richie, didn't he? Way back when. He knew those other names, too. But he had forgotten. 

An image of Richie's decapitated body flashed in his mind, and Eddie sat up straight, hands clutching at his face and clothes. Surely he was covered in blood, but when he looked again, no. It wasn't until he looked in the mirror that he saw that terrified little boy, eyes wide, covered in crimson liquid. The reflection showed a hand, the hand of another boy, a boy with long fingers and pale skin resting on his shoulder. He was sure he could feel it, but he didn't want to turn around. He started to shake, but not... Not in the scared way. He was convulsing, like someone was shaking him. Eddie lifted a hand to his face, and began to cry harder, choked sobs escaping him. 

Why couldn't he wake up? 

He had a sudden realization. This really was a dream, wasn't it?

Wake up. 

Wake u- 

Wak- 

 

 

"Wake up, Eds!" 

Eddie's eyes flew opened wide and he let out a strangled cry, his entire body on hyperactive mode, aware of everything as he flailed around, scrambling away from whatever was shaking him. His vision was blurry with tears and his breath was whistling violently as he shook, this time of his own accord, staring wildly around for the source of the voice. 

When his vision finally cleared and he tried to figure out who had spoken, so sure that it had been Richie, he was utterly disappointed. 

The living room was as quiet as ever. 

Eddie lay bag down slowly, trembling as he muffled his own cries into the pillow he had brought. The images of the summer raced through his head and refused to leave, laughing and taunting him, the eye stating down at him with unmistakable glee, and all of his friends dying at the feet of that horrible spider, that horrible It. 

Eddie let out a shaky breath, clutching at his face. His heart was still racing. He had left his inhaler upstairs, and it was 1:00 in the morning. If he went up to get it, his breathing was definitely going to wake someone up. Eddie sat up again, using the couch as support to get his feel under him. He stumbled to the bathroom and poured himself a cup of water, nearly choking on it as the cool liquid slid down his throat. 

It did little to help. 

Eddie desperately wished that Richie really had been there to wake him up. When he felt he was able to keep his breath at a painfully slow pace, Eddie crept up the stairs, hesitation once he was outside of Bill's room. What if someone was awake? 

He pushed the door opened and it took everything in him not to let his breath quicken, despite the immense pain it was causing him chest and the way his heart was pounding. He crept over his friends, not stepping on anyone as he finally reached the spot where his sleeping bag had been. 

He shoved trembling hands through his fanny pack until he found it. The thing escaped his grasp at least three times before he pulled it out as quietly as possible without rattling the pills within their bottles. He straightened up, terrified of tripping over someone. With his luck, he would definitely fall, seeing as this was the last thing he had to do before reaching safety. 

Eddie forced himself forward, carefully fitting his feet into spaces between the bodies crowding the floor until he reached the door with a breath of relief that he immediately regretted with a wince of pain. 

He was outside and about to turn towards the stairs when a voice sounded behind him. 

"Eddie?" Said boy inhaled sharply, whirling around with eyes as wide as saucers. 

Stan was standing in the doorway looking tired and confused, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. 

"It's one in the morning. What are you doing up?" Eddie tried to think of some excuse, the tightness in his chest only strengthening as he forced himself to stutter out a reply. 

"I - I... Um... I was just going to the bathroom.." He flushed, embarrassed at being caught, and hoping Stan wasn't good at detecting obvious lies. The curly-haired boy raised an eyebrow, seemingly scanning Eddie's face which was still wet with tears, but didn't appear to be awake enough to question him further. 

"Alright. Don't be long, you're cranky when you don't get enough sleep and I don't want to deal with it." 

Eddie gasped for breath when the door closed behind Stan and slowly made his way back downstairs. He settled down in his sleeping bag, propped up against the couch so he was sitting up and took a few blasts of the aspirator, relishing the way his chest began to loosen. 

Eddie knew he was still crying, and knew Stan had probably noticed. 

So Eddie cried. He let his head fall as he slid off the couch onto his pillow and cried, shoulders shaking. 

He almost had the guts to hope that the nightmares wouldn't come back when he fell asleep again. 

Of course, Eddie Kaspbrak was out of luck.


	4. 03

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyy! Back with another update :) So recently, I found that the place I was saving my work was less than adequate, and most of it was deleted. I was super upset, but then it suddenly showed back up? So we’re good! I’m actually well on my way into chapter 10 of this story but I’ve spent so much time rewriting and editing that I’m glad I didn’t just post it as I went because I’m having so much trouble getting to the perfect point for the Reddie to happen. I don’t want it all to happen too fast. But at the same time, I don’t want it to come out of the blue. It’s tough! But I promise it’ll happen. Anyway, all things aside, I’m thinking about adding a real conflict to this story, and I’m wondering how you guys would feel about that... It is obvious,y in hibernation for the time being, but that doesn’t mean we can’t play with some of the lingering power that she left behind. Alas, you’ll have to wait and see! I hope you enjoy this chapter, thanks for reading my story :D

Eddie woke up in a cold sweat. Memories of that night and the dreams that tortured him came flooding back and he had to force himself not to cry, insisting that he had done enough of that earlier. 

He was mostly afraid that Stan would remember seeing him, but he checked his watch and decided it was early enough that nobody would really be awake. It was 7:00 on a weekend, of course they were all sleeping. Especially Richie, Eddie thought, managing a small smile as he entered the room. To his surprise, he had been right. Everyone was sleeping. He hurried around them all, putting his sleeping stuff down and trying to make himself look comfortable. 

After a few minutes, Eddie was almost afraid he was going to fall back asleep. His night had been long, he was exhausted still. 

Luckily, Bill woke up, along with Bev. 

Unluckily, at least for Eddie, they started kissing, which quickly turned into a heated make-out session. 

Eddie rolled his eyes, scooting his sleeping bag further away and closer to where Richie was sleeping. Eddie took this opportunity to stare at the boy, who was breathing softly with a small smile on his lips. Very soft lips, Eddie decided. They looked so smooth and perfect and he wanted to devour them much like Bev got to devour Bill's. 

It took the boy a few minutes of staring and wishing to notice that he had totally distracted himself from the nightmares. He felt a little guilty using Richie this way, but he knew that if he was figured out the boy would just use the opportunity to crack a joke about how Eddie was a looker himself and just made the younger boy feel like a complete idiot. 

So, when he was afraid that Richie was waking up due to his slight shift in position, Eddie quickly turned himself around in his sleeping bag, trying to look like he was still sleeping. He heard a soft chuckle before feeling a pair of arms wrap around his waist and pull him back so he was facing Richie again. 

"Hey, Eds. Have fun staring?" Eddie gaped at him, his cheeks darkening considerably. Was he awake the whole time? Upon seeing his horrified face, Richie just laughed harder. 

"I've been awake since those two started hamming it up. I was surprised you came over to see me, and I wanted to see what you would do if I pretended to be sleeping. Man, I must be really pretty for even my own Eddie Spaghetti to look at me for that long," he wiggled his eyebrows. Eddie glared, shoving Richie's arms off of his waist. 

"I was just waiting for you wake up. It's not like I had anything better to do. Plus, you make weird faces in your sleep!" Eddie came up with the excuse on the spot, ignoring the fact that he had just been thinking about how nice Richie's face looked. 

"Mmmhm. I see." Richie nodded, a sarcastic grin plastering across his face. Everyone else had woken up now, too but they were still in sleepy mode - Save for Bill and Bev. 

Stan was rolling across the floor clumsily to join Richie and Eddie. The latter shoved himself closer to the lighter-haired boy, sticking out his tongue at Richie, who feigned hurt. Stan chuckled, allowing Eddie to cuddle up next to him, and rested his head atop the smaller boy's which was laying on his shoulder. 

Eddie made sappy eyes at Richie, who smirked back, but he almost looked a little annoyed. Eddie pushed the thought away, convincing himself that he was just having wishful thinking. 

"Hey, Stan the Man, do you think I could have my Spaghetti back?" Richie grinned lazily, scooting over in his sleeping bag and patting the space next to him. It was a small sleeping bag, only really meant for one person. They would be crammed up against each other in that space. Stan pretended to think about it before grinning devilishly at Eddie, who only saw this side of the kid when he was really up to something. 

"I dunno, Richie... I was going to ask Eddie to share my sleeping bag," he replied slowly, smirking at the surprise flashing in the darker haired boy's eyes. It was quickly replaced by frustration, which was quickly masked by amusement. 

"I see. Sorry, Eds. You're gonna have to choose. You want all this? Or do you wanna spend the rest of your life with a man who's just recently gotten the tip of his dick sliced off?" Stan gasped, launching into a lengthy explanation about how that was most certainly not what had happened, which made Eddie laugh. He could see Richie beaming, and was pleased to see that the boy wasn't even looking at Stan. 

"Sorry, Stanny. I'm gonna go with Richie, but mostly cause he'll just be grumpy if I don't, and I know you wanna go hang out with Bill anyway." Stan blushed lightly, but nodded, scooting back over to where Bill had freed himself from the redhead who instead went over to sit with Ben and Mike. Eddie returned his gaze to Richie, who grinned, laying back against his pillow which was propped up against the wall. Eddie scooted his sleeping bag closer until he was sitting beside Richie with his back against the wall as well. 

Richie sighed dramatically, dropping his head onto Eddie's shoulder. He had to slide halfway down the wall to do so, because of the height difference, but he didn't seem to mind. Eddie did, though. He would get a stiff neck if he stayed like that. 

"Your neck will get all cramped up if you say like that." Once he voiced his concerns, Richie groaned, shifting to a position that made Eddie wish he had kept his mouth shut. Richie pushed off from the wall completely, laying his head in Eddie's lap instead. The smaller boy could feel his face heating up, and upon hearing a soft snicker, he glanced over at Stan. The curly-haired boy was grinning, and wiggled his eyebrows at Eddie, who made a face back. 

Unsure where to put his hands, Eddie just stared down at the boy who was using his lap as a pillow. Richie's eyes had shut once more, and he was smiling a bit. It wasn't a big one, like when he was laughing, or 'Getting Off a Good One', but it was peaceful. In an attempt to move his hands, Eddie's fingertips brushed those dark curls, coaxing a soft sigh from Richie's lips. Eddie froze, every muscle in his body tensing up as he heard the noise, absolutely positive his face was even redder than his sleeping bag (which was saying something, seeing as the bag was red with even darker red stripes). 

Eddie jerked his hand away, opening his mouth to apologize, but Richie was reaching up and grabbing his wrist. Before Eddie could protest, his fingers were plunged down into Richie's hair. 

"Keep 'em there," Richie mumbled, not seeming embarrassed at all. Maybe this was just something friends did, Eddie decided, trying not to let himself get too worked up. He was undeniably happy with the idea of playing with the boy's hair; it always looked so soft and silky, and now he was getting proof. He carded his fingers through the curls slowly, hearing Richie's quiet hum of approval as the tips of his index fingers and thumbs worked into his scalp gently. 

Eddie let his gaze travel over to Bill and Stan, who were talking quietly. Bill seemed to have forgotten all about Bev, who was trying to get his attention from the side of the room. She didn't look too offended when he didn't notice, instead smiling and shaking her head. 

Bill seemed to be distracted by Stan the Man himself, who was talking up a storm, probably about birds. Eddie knew the feeling, because his friend had always managed to make it sound so interesting. But he wasn't sure he had ever looked at Stan the way Bill was looking at him. 

He glanced at Bev, who had settled for hanging out with Ben and Mike. She was leaning against Ben's legs, chatting with all of them as Ben stared at the back of her head. 

Do it, Ben. Eddie willed the boy silently to touch Bev's hair. It had started growing out since the summer, it was beginning to reach her chin. Ben reached a hand out tentatively, then pulled it back. Mike seemed to have noticed the situation, because his hands were twitching as if he was trying not to grab Ben's hand and shove it against Bev's head himself. 

Eddie smiled softly, looking down to focus on the way Richie's hair felt against his skin as he massaged the boy's scalp. He wasn't sure if Richie had fallen asleep, or if he was just so content that he didn't feel the need to talk. Either way, Eddie was surprised and happy that Richie felt this comfortable around him. Boys at school who were straight didn't often make a show of touching each other this way. They'd get called fags for sure. Eddie couldn't remember the amount of times he had almost forgotten to stop himself from hugging Richie back when he was up to his mischievous shenanigans. 

He looked back over at the other three kids to notice, with immense satisfaction, that Ben had finally found the courage to touch the redhead's hair, and she was leaning her head back into his hands. 

Sighing contentedly, Eddie found that in that moment, it was unbelievably easy for him to forget all about the terrors of the night before. He knew it would bother him later. His paranoia would get the best of him and it would take everything he had not to call every single loser and make sure they were still alive. He usually only called Richie when that happened, and played it off as just a friendly chat before bed. But every time he was so relieved to hear the boy's voice that he almost cried again right on the spot. 

Eddie didn't notice that his hands had stopped moving until Richie groaned, lifting his hands above his head to clutch his wrists again. 

"Alright, alright, fine, it's your turn now." Eddie's eyes flew wide as he was pushed away from the wall. 

"W - What? No, it's okay, I'm -" Richie wouldn't have any of it, pulling the smaller boy closer to him so that he was leaning back against his chest. He was sitting criss-cross applesauce, so Eddie had to lean back across his legs, his head landing more on his stomach than his chest, but Richie didn't seem to mind. His hands ran absently through Eddie's bedhead, and said boy was suddenly grateful for the fact that he was facing away from the freckled face that would surely break out in a huge teasing grin if the owner saw how much he was blushing. 

Eddie let himself relax for a few minutes before he started thinking too much. He had known it was going to happen eventually, but he wasn't happy about it. He imagined turning back around to see that the hands in his hair weren't even attached to Richie's body, and the boy he had grown to love so much was totally headless, then everyone else would be dead, too. 

Growing antsy, Eddie sat up, shimmying out of his sleeping bag and turning around to face Richie, who looked confused. The smaller boy flushed as he held his arms out awkwardly, waiting for his friend to get it. Of course, it didn't take Richie long. He really was smart, he just chose not to be. The boy's face lit up as he leaned forward, his arms wrapping around Eddie. 

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. 

Eddie sniffled anyway as he hugged the boy as tightly as possible. He never wanted to lose this feeling. He was practically sitting on Richie, but that was far from his biggest concern as he just clung on, blinking back the wetness in his eyes. 

When gentle hands traced soothing circles into his back, Eddie lost it. His hands bunched up Richie's shirt as silent tears streaked down his face. Maybe Richie wouldn't notice. All he could do was hope. But there was no way the boy wouldn't notice, and Eddie knew that. He felt the circles continue and couldn't help but cry, the images of his dream flashing back through his head. Never feeling those circles again, never getting any hugs again. 

As if on cue, everyone huddled up around the two, engaging a bigger hug. Eddie detached one arm from Richie, pulling someone else closer too. He was embarrassed, but he knew that they wouldn't judge him. Arms pulled and squeezed from every different direction as everyone crowded in. 

And then it was over, and Eddie was stumbling out the door with a series of hiccups and locking himself in the upstairs bathroom. He poured himself a cup of water, though he wasn't crying anymore. 

He couldn't help but laugh shakily. His friends really were the greatest. He knew nobody would ask about it right away, but he would definitely have to explain himself to Bev, and later he would call Richie or something. Maybe Stan, too. Stan had always been one of his closer friends. 

When Eddie was sure he wasn't going to start crying again, he exited the bathroom. Instead of entering the bedroom again, he went downstairs and into the kitchen. Bill's mom and dad must have been sleeping in, because it was 9:00 and nobody was up. He glanced around the kitchen, confident that he knew his way around. He shuffled from cabinets to the fridge to the stove and back again, gathering a bunch of different foodstuffs. He pulled Bill's mother's apron on over his sleeping wear, getting to work. He had always been allowed to cook at the Denbrough household, since his mom never let him when he was at home. It was always sort of calming, especially when Bill's mom was teaching him. Breakfast was his favorite thing to make. 

He set up a few pans on the stove, as many as he could fit, and turned them on. He had gotten out a bunch of big plates to put the food on when he finished. Since the kitchen table was much too small, the losers usually ate in the living room, but they weren't allowed to sit on the couch with their food, so they all used each other as chairs instead. 

The first person to come downstairs as Eddie worked on the batter for pancakes was Bev. She was always the early bird of the group. She walked over to Eddie, easily settling into the task of helping him. Naturally, Bev's mother had taught her how to cook, so she tended to help him out on mornings like these. They worked in silence, but Eddie could practically hear the question bouncing around in her head, and sort of wished she would just ask already. 

"So..." She trailed off, cracking an egg onto one of the pans. Eddie sighed, but not heavily. 

"Stan said he woke up this morning and saw you leaving the room. He said you were crying then, too, but insisted you were just going to the bathroom. Everything okay?" Eddie hesitated, mixing the batter slowly. 

"Not really, but I don't think we really expected it to be okay right away, did we?" Bev nodded, cracking another egg and frying them. She flipped the first one she had cracked, waiting for the other one to cook before she flipped it as well. 

"I get them too, you know. I don't know if they're as bad as yours, or if they just don't affect me as much. But, they're there. Every once in a while. Bill told me he did, too. I wouldn't be surprised if we all do." She shivered, pausing her movements as she took a breath. Eddie couldn't bring himself to ask her if she had washed her hands before entering the kitchen. 

"Hey. I'm here for you, okay? That's all I really wanted to say. You aren't alone." Eddie smiled gratefully, promising that he would remember that. She grinned as well, watching as he poured some of the batter into the closest pan, before dropping a few sausages and strips of bacon onto the other two pans. There were four burners, so four pans in total. Bev made sure to make at least one egg for every loser, plus a few extra in case people wanted more. Once she finished that, she moved on to making bagels and toast, in case people wanted one or the other. By now they knew what everyone liked. Eddie made enough pancakes to feed a pack of wolves, and more bacon and sausage than he was sure the entire Losers Club could eat by themselves. 

By now, everyone had trickled downstairs, and Bev hurried out the door, presumably to let them all know Eddie was okay. The boy felt a twinge of love for the girl. He wondered if he could have loved her more, had he not fallen so hard for a boy. He wondered if he could love a girl at all. After all, Richie wouldn't ever like a boy, let alone someone like Eddie. Plus, he never tied himself down with anything permanent. 

Eddie remembered with a shiver that night, in the tunnels, on the way back from supposedly killing It. He remembered what Bev had asked them all to do and wondered if it had really been necessary. Of course it had, he told himself so many times. Why did it have to feel so wrong? Why did he have to be so afraid of ever doing something like that again, at least, with girls? 

Why had he gone first? 

Eddie shook his head. This was not something for him to be thinking about at breakfast. They were past all of that. He flipped the last pancakes onto their plates, smiling at Bev as she reappeared to help carry everyone else's plates back out to them. He managed to carry three plates at once out to the other room, letting Bev get the other two. He set them all down on the coffee table. 

"Th - Th - Th - Thuh - hanks, Eddie," Bill was smiling as he heaved a giant pancake onto his plate and grabbed a piece of toast at the same time. 

"Yeah, Eddie, this looks great! Remind me to thank Bev, too." Mike was already beginning to eat, but he swallowed before speaking. Everyone murmured their agreements as Bev returned with the last two plates which held eggs on one, bacon and sausage on the other. 

Eddie sat next to her, smiling shyly at the girl as she leaned past him, grabbing for the big fork sitting on the platter of eggs. 

He helped himself to a single egg, two regular sized pancakes, a piece of toast and some bacon. Eddie was starving. He couldn't help himself. Bill turned the television on to the news while they ate, but so far nothing interesting was happening. They all tensed up at the mention of a murder, but when they listened, they learned that the culprit had been caught in the act. 

"Thank God," Stan sighed. 

"Amen to that," Richie agreed. He was staring at the television with a weird expression. It was sort of one of fear, but at the same time he looked reassured. Not reassured that someone had died, Eddie corrected himself silently, but reassured that it wasn't something else. 

When everyone had finished eating there were thankfully only a few leftovers, which they happily turned over to Bill's mom when she came in to greet them. 

The friends stuck around basically all day. They took a walk instead of using their bikes, using the opportunity to go down and visit the barrens for the first time since they had gone down that sewer pipe. Everyone stayed silent as they walked, approaching their clubhouse with grave expressions. Ben swung the door open, and one by one they hopped down. Eddie was thankful when Richie caught him around the waist before he could stumble forward, muttering a quick thanks. Not a joke was cracked as they all sat down in silence in positions similar to the ones they had been in during the Smoke Hole Ritual. 

Eddie's throat tightened just at the memory of the smoke. Did it smell like a campfire in here, or was it just him? 

Everyone was touching in one way or another as they lay in silence. Bev's head was on Ben's lap, her legs stretched out to brush against Bill's, who had Stan's head on his shoulder. Stan's legs were splayed out so his right foot rested against Eddie's leg. Eddie was laying back across Richie's legs, and Richie's foot was touching Mike's, who was shoulder to shoulder with Ben. 

It was cold down in the clubhouse, much like usual, but Eddie felt hot. He felt the heat of the fire. He wasn't physically sweating, but he kept checking, just to make sure. He lifted a hand up high to bury it in Richie's curls like he had that morning, wanting to test the limit of how much he could do when the boy was fully awake. But Richie just smiled, another content sigh escaping his lips as he moved his hand to replicate Eddie's action but in the smaller boy's hair. Eddie let his hand fall, poking Richie stomach before returning to it's position where it clasped with his other hand over his own belly. 

They sat there for hours. There were a few limp attempts at conversation, but they usually consisted of someone asking a broad question followed by a series of grunts. 

Eddie turned, snuggling in closer to Richie, who chuckled lightly. The bespectacled boy looked down at Eddie with such warmth in his eyes. The small boy sitting beside him didn't notice while he stared, taking in every detail of his face. 

It was in that moment that Richie Tozier knew that he had fallen a little in love, too.


	5. 04

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just thought I would mention that I’m planning on making this just an updated version of my previous story, Look At You. I didn’t really like how quickly that one moved so this is basically going to morph into that one, just a way more slowed down version. Cool? Cool! Let’s go.

Once Monday rolled around, Eddie was really confused. Richie had been super cuddly and friendly over the weekend, playing with his hair and stuff, but once he got to school it was almost like the boy was ignoring him. 

First, Richie didn't meet up at the lockers that morning, which wasn't totally out of the ordinary since sometimes he and Bev sneaked off to smoke before school started. Eddie wasn't too worried. Everyone else was acting the same. Bill and Bev didn't seem as attached as usual, Eddie noticed, but other than that, everything was the same. 

Richie showed up to the classes they had together, but he completely ignored Eddie unless the boy spoke to him directly. No jokes about him, or his mom. Richie didn't even call him 'Eds' like he usually did. 

Eddie was starting to get really worried when he saw Richie walk off with a girl before lunch, not because he was jealous, but because the kid seemed almost too eager. Like he was trying to feel more excited than he actually was, or like he was putting on an act for someone. Eddie glanced around, seeing no other girls that Richie could be trying to make jealous. 

Stan slid his arm around Eddie's shoulder, sighing heavily as he watched the dark-haired boy disappear under the stairs with yet another girl, already gripping at her waist. 

"I don't get it, Stanny," Eddie complained quietly so nobody else heard. "She isn't even that pretty this time. Richie is running out of girls, but he keeps doing it anyway. What happens when he's through with all of them?" The taller boy shrugged. 

"I don't know, Eddie. Start all over? He doesn't really seem like he's enjoying himself this time, and I don't think it's because of the way she looks. Maybe you should ask him, see what's bothering him." Eddie couldn't help but laugh. 

"Yeah, and you should ask Bill why he and Bev aren't being so lovey-dovey today as they were just this past weekend." 

The two boys stared at each other, both guarded, but at the same time, understanding. Eddie sighed heavily. 

"Sorry, Stanny, that was mean." But the boy was shaking his head. 

"No, it's alright. You're right, anyway. Is it okay if I assume I'm right, too?" Eddie hesitated, glancing back at the stairwell. The hallways had cleared for the most part, and he heard a high-pitched giggle followed by a low whisper. His heart ached. 

"I suppose so," he admitted. Stan's arm around his shoulders tightened. Eddie leaned into his friend as they walked past the stairs and towards the lunch room. Bill looked up, smiling at the sight of them. Bev was sitting next to Ben today, Mike next to Bill. Stan let go of Eddie in favor of sitting next to the stuttering mess, who just smiled bigger. Bev didn't seem too bothered. If anything, Eddie was sure that she winked at him before casting a knowing look in their direction. Seemed like Stan was having better luck. 

Eddie only got more concerned than he had already been when Richie didn't show up to lunch at all, leaving the seat next to Eddie completely empty. The small boy tried not to be too upset, but he was worried and confused, because he couldn't understand what it was that was wrong. Had he done something Richie didn't like? 

When school finally let out, Stan found him outside as he walked to his mother's car. 

Stan had always been the friend that his mother had the least problems with. No matter how hard she tried, the worst thing she could dig up on the kid was the fact that he was a Jew, and that wasn't even bad. So, Eddie told his mom that he would be home in time for his medicine and walked with Stan. 

"Do you think he's mad at me, Stan?" Eddie frowned. 

"No. I mean, why would he be? If anything, Eddie, I think you should be upset with him. He practically threw himself at you this weekend. I saw how happy you were. It's not fair of him to ruin that like this." Stan looked irritated, fiddling with the straps of his bag as they walked. 

"I just don't want him to start acting different. I get it, he doesn't like guys, but I still want to be his best friend." Stan gave Eddie a weird look, and off of Eddie's confused one, his eyes widened. 

"Eddie... Richie did tell you, right? You're his best friend. Of course he told you." Eddie cocked his head to the side, growing uneasy. Of course, Richie told him everything. Had he just forgotten something? 

"What did he say? Does everyone know?" Stan was shocked at Eddie's question, and he had begun to flush a light pink color. 

"Um.. I don't know if I should tell you. He obviously didn't want you to know if he didn't tell you himself.." Eddie's face fell, and he looked away, ashamed. Stan was right, but that didn't mean he wasn't disappointed. Stan looked at him for another few moments, torn. 

"Richie doesn't..." Stan trailed off, obviously second guessing himself. "Richie doesn't just like girls, Eddie." 

The brunette's jaw dropped as he stared at Stan, his eyes bulging out of his head. He stopped with one foot in mid air, almost 100% sure Stan was joking with him. 

"You're kidding," he accused. Stan shook his head, smiling a little bit. Eddie's heart was racing. 

"It's called being bisexual." Eddie glared at him, his face heating up. 

"I know what it's called, Stan, I'm not that dumb." In reality, Eddie hadn't know that was a thing. But he was learning. "Anyway, even if Richie does like guys, he wouldn't wanna be with me. If anything does happen it'll be another one of his hookups. You know Richie can't be serious about a relationship. Plus, my mom would kill me if she knew I liked guys. She would send me off to one of those programs for 'curing' homosexuality. You can't tell anyone about this, okay? I'm trusting you big time here. You're my best friend in this group of idiots, besides Richie, obviously." Stan nodded solemnly, putting his hand over his heart. A smile broke out across his face. 

"You're my best friend too, Eddie. Besides Bill." Eddie grinned, snagging onto the slight subject change while he had the chance. 

"How are things going with Bill, by the way? I've been watching Bev, too, and she seems to be encouraging the whole thing. She has her eyes on Ben, and I think she has for a while if I'm being honest with you. But Bill seems to be interested, to tell you the truth. The way he looks at you when he thinks nobody is watching.." Eddie hesitated, trying to think of a good way to describe it. 

"Let's just say that I wish Richie looked at me that way." Stan looked at Eddie weirdly again, causing the shorter boy to flush. Did he say something strange? 

"You realize Richie constantly looks at you like there's nobody else in the room, right? It's creepy. He's always staring at you. One time when he was with one of his hookups I saw him staring at you while you walked to the lunch room." Eddie blushed again, and was surprised to hear that. 

"Really? Why wasn't he looking at her?" Stan shrugged. 

"I think you should give it a chance, Eddie. You've been so focused on the belief that it's never going to happen. If you try to get him interested, maybe you'll be surprised. Especially since he's been interested for years anyway. Just forget about how he acted today and throw yourself out there a little bit." Eddie quirked an eyebrow. It was his turn to look at Stan weirdly. 

"You mean like flirting? That's so dumb, I will mess up so badly. That's not even funny. You realize how stupid I would look, right?" Stan chuckled, shaking his head. 

"You don't really have to try that hard at flirting, Eddie. You're already cute. You just have to kinda let loose around him, and draw attention to yourself. Bite your lip when you know he's looking, move in ways that'll lift your shirt up a bit, subtle stuff like that. You already do it by accident and we can all tell it drives him crazy. Nobody knows you like him, but we all know he likes you, even if he hasn't admitted it to himself yet." The brunette blushed, looking away. 

"You really think so?" Stan smiled, shrugging. 

"Sure, Eddie. Just give it a shot, okay? Don't let him get away with not visiting the locker tomorrow." Eddie thought for a few minutes, and they walked in silence. He glanced at Stan, flushing. 

"Um... Stanny?" The boy looked over, raising an eyebrow. Eddie's cheeks darkened. Oh, God, if he couldn't even ask Stan a simple question how was he going to flirt with Richie? 

"What's it like to.. Kiss a boy?" Stan was taken aback, but after a minute he started laughing. Eddie was sure he had asked a stupid question, and his face was on fire. 

"Are you asking me to practice with you?" Stan had lost his usual serious attitude, his eyes shining with amusement as he stopped walking, turning to face Eddie, who's eyes grew wide. 

"W - What..? Practice?" Stan nodded. 

"I'll pretend to be Richie, and you do what you're gonna do tomorrow. If I think you did it well enough, I'll kiss you so that you aren't totally oblivious to how it works when the idiot finally grows a pair." Eddie laughed nervously, glancing around as Stan led him into the barrens, which they had been walking along the edge of on their way home. They paused once they were far enough in that nobody would see them unless they really looked, but most kids were at home by now. 

"Alright, so pretend I'm Richie. I'm walking in the hallways and I look like I'm about to pass up on stopping by Bill's locker." 

Stan immediately got into character really well, a lazy grin stretching across his face as he added a slight bounce to his step, his hips swinging. Eddie hesitated, before running up and tapping him on the shoulder. 

"Hi Richie!" Eddie all but yelled, face burning. Stan tried not to laugh as he lowered his voice to a more gruff sound. 

"Hey, Eds! Miss me too much since you last called me?" Eddie looked away, jaw dropping. That was totally something Richie would say. 

"U - Uh... No! Why would I miss you? I called you yesterday, dumbass! And don't call me Eds!" Eddie averted his eyes, instinctively biting his lip nervously, then remembering that was something Stan had told him to do. He looked up at Stan through his lashes, his cheeks remaining slightly pink. The boy looked impressed, but quickly masked it with his impression of Richie. 

"Then what can I do you for, Princess?" He smirked, bending down to Eddie's height so they were face to face. 

"Um... Aren't you coming to hang out at the locker before class? I... Didn't see you yesterday, and uh.." Eddie trailed off, unsure of how to excuse his question. He fidgeted with his backpack straps, puffing out his cheeks. 

"Yeah, sure, Spaghetti. I can always make time for you." Stan winked, leading Eddie over to a tree and pretending it was the locker. He leaned back against it and Eddie almost ran straight into him, stumbling back with a rushed apology. Stan assured him that it was fine, and that if he did it again the next day it would only help his case. Eddie looked up at him, eyes wide. Stan smiled reassuringly, patting his shoulder. 

"Yeah, let's not, this is awkward." Stan nodded quickly in agreement as they both leaped away from each other, hurrying up to the street with uncomfortable laughter. Eddie bade Stan goodbye and rushed home, thoughts flooding through his mind of how the next day's events would go. 

His nightmares weren't plagued by clowns that night, but rather, by rejection. 

He made sure he got up on time to get ready, and spent extra time on his hair, making sure to dress accordingly. He chose to go with his orange shorts since it was still warm enough and he didn't want to wear jeans. He brushed his teeth three times just to be sure before allowing his mother to drive him to school. 

Eddie glanced around nervously as he searched for Richie. Sure enough, he was heading down the hallways towards him, and walked right past Bill's locker. Eddie ran up, lifting a hand to tap his shoulder. When the dark-haired boy looked up, his face was alight with surprise and happiness. 

"Hey, there, Eds! What gives? Couldn't resist a little one-on-one Richie time, huh?" Eddie tried to glare, but he ended up smiling. Richie never failed to make him smile. 

"No, you dumbass... I'm here to ask why you aren't coming to hang out at the locker with us before class. I missed you yesterday." He absently started chewing on his lower lip. His plan was being executed. When he glanced shyly up at Richie, he saw the boy's mouth had fallen into a gentle 'o' shape and he was staring right back. 

"Yeah I'll go to the lockers with you I'll go right now!" Richie's reply was nearly breathless, and Eddie broke into a smile, letting his lip slide from between his teeth. 

"Yay!" He cheered lamely, pumping a fist in the air. He was briefly aware of his shirt coming untucked. He had forgotten that he wasn't wearing a belt that day. Flushing, he looked down and apologized briefly, pulling his shirt back down. 

Richie wasn't complaining. If anything, he was just looking. He sort of had this weird desire in his eyes, but it was gone before Eddie could even be sure it was there. Richie walked over to the locker with everyone else. Stan smiled gently at Eddie, who flashed a discreet thumbs up. 

"So, Eds. You missed me, huh?" Richie grinned, leaning his head back against the locker. His short-sleeved over shirt bunched up behind him as he put his hands in his shorts pockets, watching Eddie's every move through his thick glasses that would look stupid on anyone else but somehow worked for him. 

Eddie hesitated, looking down nervously as he fidgeted with his hands. 

"Well... Yeah, a little," he admitted quietly, smiling a little. He felt like he was nailing it, judging by the look on Richie's face. It was like the kid wasn't even aware that they were at school. His eyes were locked on Eddie, who was standing there, in all his glory. 

Eddie puffed out his cheeks with an annoyed stare, but on the inside he was terrified and excited at the same time. 

"Yeah, I missed you too, Spaghetti... Sorry I couldn't make it, I was held up.." Richie trailed off, and Eddie was pleasantly surprised to notice that they boy's eyes had traveled considerably lower than his own eyes. He took a step closer, oblivious to the fact that the rest of the losers were trying not to laugh, but they were at Stan's mercy. The tall boy was death glaring all of them, ushering the group a few more lockers over. 

Eddie turned, leaning next to Richie with his shoulder just barely brushing the boy's arm. He felt a sort of shock, and he knew Richie had too because he was staring again. 

Eddie tilted his head to the side and back, smiling innocently up at the freckled boy who was staring longingly down at the (also) freckled boy beside him. The bell rang, and Eddie decided to be awful and take that as his chance to leave Richie hanging. He smiled sweetly, lifting a hand and tugging on a dark curl as he brushed past, practically skipping to his next class. 

 

 

The first class Richie had actually with Eddie was the class before lunch. This was the period that would really be putting Richie up to the test. If he took a girl with him to the stairs before lunch, Eddie was not going to try any harder. There was no point. He grinned at the slightly older boy as he walked into class, and felt his gaze on the back of his head as he pulled out his homework. When Richie had sat down, he began rifling through his bag as well, pulling out his English stuff that was piled into a big heap. To his surprise, when he looked at the worksheet they had been assigned for homework, it was completed. 

The date at the top was the same as the exact date and the handwriting was messy, which meant Richie had done it some time during school. Eddie flushed. Had Richie done that for him? When he glanced over to voice his question, the other boy was already beaming. 

"Are you impressed?" he asked seriously. Eddie nodded. He couldn't lie. Plus, almost all of the answers were correct. He knew Richie was smart. He smiled softly as he passed it back to Richie, gazing at him with wonder. Richie stared back, and opened his mouth to say something, but was seeming to have second thoughts, as he closed it again. Eddie found himself hating Richie's second thoughts more than his first ones in that one moment, and was tempted to ask him what he had been about to say. 

Richie hesitated before whipping out a piece of paper. Eddie rolled his eyes. What a child. Writing notes was something first graders did. But when he read the note he was suddenly grateful for the ideal form of communication. 

'I've run out of girls to kiss before lunch.' 

Eddie's heart pounded. Should he act like it's a joke? He probably should, since, knowing Richie, it was. He quickly scrawled back a reply. 

'So? Would it be so awful for you to come sit with us for the whole lunch period?' 

Eddie stuck his tongue out at Richie when the boy scoffed upon reading his reply. 

'Nah, I'll probably just move on to the guys now. ;)' 

Eddie rolled his eyes, and couldn't help but feel a little jealous. He didn't want to be one of the people Richie made out with at school, because that was risky and totally unsanitary, but he didn't want Richie making out with anyone else either. 

'Whatever.' 

He could feel Richie's eyes on the side of his head, but he ignored them, scrawling down a few more answers on his worksheet while he waited for the note to reach him again. 

'What? A guy's gotta get his teenage hormones out of the way somehow, hasn't he?' 

Eddie scowled, beyond frustrated at this point. He didn't bother replying, just tossed the paper back at Richie all crumpled up. He knew the kid was gonna be confused, but he shouldn't feel the need to explain himself. 

The rest of the class dragged on excruciatingly slow. Eddie didn't wait up when he left the class, only pausing when he felt a familiar stare, but he pushed onward, nearly running into Stan. He glanced behind him only to see a flash of the usual curly hair going by, disappearing with some other less-than-feminine figure underneath the stairwell as if it was the most natural thing in the world. He sighed, letting Stan take him by the wrist and lead him away. 

There was no denying the hurt, but Eddie supposed he just didn't try hard enough or something. Either than or Stan was wrong, and Richie really wasn't interested. He was confused when Stan stopped just outside the lunch room. 

"Look, Eddie, I'm sorry it didn't work out. I really thought he would go for it. He was all over it this morning, I don't know what happened." The boy really looked sorry, and Eddie felt guilty. 

"It's not your fault, Stanny. He just isn't interested. Maybe I should give girls another try. The only reason I don't like them is because I was too afraid to look, after all." He frowned, and he knew he looked miserable as he let his gaze settle on the countless faces of girls sitting in the lunch room. 

"Maybe... I'm still sorry, though. Don't worry, I don't think anyone figured out what you were doing. They were mostly laughing at Richie. They still don't have a clue." Eddie felt slightly reassured, thanking the taller boy quietly as they slipped into the cafeteria. Eddie ate his lunch in silence that day, not even talking when Richie returned. 

He knew the kid was looking at him, but he couldn't bring himself to look at the boy who had hurt him just a few minutes earlier. He knew it was selfish for him to be this upset. He settled for searching the faces of other people in the lunch room. 

When lunch was over, he hurried to his next class, which was math. Richie wasn't in his last two classes, which would definitely make it easier to concentrate. For the first time ever, Eddie was actually looking around at other people in the class when he sat down instead of focusing so much on his Richie problems. Specifically, he was looking at the girls. He didn't even know what half of them looked like because he had always been so focused on his best friend. 

Eddie was surprised to see someone staring right back at him. 

She was chubby, but that didn't mean she wasn't pretty. Eddie recalled her name being Myra, and as he met her gaze, she seemed to freeze. 

Slowly, Eddie watched as a bright red color started do darken her cheeks until she found it in her to tear her gaze away. 

Eddie hesitated, before a small smile spread across his lips. This could definitely be a fix. Sure, it was wrong of him to use her as a distraction, but who knew? Maybe he would end up really liking her. 

A guy could hope, couldn't he?


	6. 05

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s my birthday on Wednesday and I’m so excited! I might post an extra chapter that day if I feel like it :) Anyway, this is chapter five! Things are getting real. I hope you enjoy!

Two weeks later, Eddie and Myra were officially friends. He started talking to her after that math class and she was immediately hooked, nearly unable to be detached. 

Of course, Eddie's mother loved her. The two were so much alike that Eddie was almost positive Myra had to be his sister or something. Even the way their bodies were built resembled each other. 

By the time the third week of their acquaintance had rolled around, Myra was invited to hang out with the rest of the losers. Eddie had asked his mom if it was okay to go out with his friends, and she wouldn't budge until he agreed to take the girl with him. 

Sonia Kaspbrak saw Myra as a sort of extension of herself. Where she couldn't go, Myra would go, and make sure Eddie wasn't making any stupid decisions. The woman would be lying if she said she didn't have hopes of Eddie taking the next step and starting a relationship that went beyond friendship with the protective girl. 

Eddie led Myra down the street on that Saturday morning. He had called Bill and let him know what was happening, and the boy agreed to scratch their plans of going to the clubhouse, instead settling for a simple walk, maybe a game of hide and seek or manhunt. 

Eddie made easy conversation with Myra. She was a smart girl, really. 

"I'm sure you'll like them, Myra. Don't worry, Beverly will be there. You two will get along just fine, she's really nice." The girl looked hesitant, but nodded slowly, walking a bit closer to the scrawny boy as they approached the Losers Club. 

Mike made friends easily, as he was always the most welcoming. He would take any friends he could, and Myra thankfully didn't mind his straightforward nature, shaking his hand with a small smile. Eddie could see the nervousness leaving her eyes as he led her closer. 

"This is Mike, that's Bill, next to Bill is Stanley, but we call him Stan, then next to him is Ben -" Richie interrupted loudly, causing Eddie to glare at him. 

"We call him Haystack. You know, it's complicated. Long story." He looked rather proud of the immense glare he had earned from Eddie, who was already frustrated with him. The boy had barely talked to them since the day Eddie had tried flirting. He was surprised the idiot was even there to hang out. 

"That's Richie, the Trashmouth. Don't worry about him, he's just an idiot. Anyway, that's Beverly, but we call her Bev." The redhead smiled at Myra, who visibly began to relax, but she eyes Richie uncertainly. 

"You wound me, Eds. I'm just trying to make her feel welcome." Eddie ignored him, instead addressing everyone else. 

"Everyone, this is Myra. I asked her to hang out with us today, so be gentle. She's not used to your roughhousing, so don't get too crazy." Richie scoffed, and Eddie clenched his fists, really starting to get annoyed. 

"Would you shut up? You haven't wanted anything to do with us for the past few weeks. Why now are you suddenly so concerned about who hangs out with us? Nobody asked you to come!" Eddie was surprised at his own outburst, but what was said couldn't be unsaid. He felt a twinge of guilt, but pushed it away, grabbing Myra's hand without really thinking about it and leading her down into the barrens. He didn't look back to see if anyone was following. 

He let go of her hand once they were on level ground, pulling ahead to kick a rock into the water. He kicked off his socks and shoes, ignoring the fact that he was literally wading in Derry's sewage as he walked into the ankle-deep water. 

He heard everyone crowding around the river, and Myra was the first to join him, quickly followed by Bev, who started a friendly conversation. 

Eddie stuck his aspirator in his mouth solely for the comforting feeling of the plastic against his lips, but he didn't trigger it. That would be a waste. After a few minutes of standing slightly separate from the group, he put the thing away, settling for instead watching the water rush around his legs. He bent down, picking up a rock and turning it over in his hands. 

"Y - Y - You okay, E - E - E - Eddie..?" Bill was standing next to him, a slightly concerned look on his face. Eddie was still angry, he wasn't afraid to admit it. He was upset with Richie. He could never win. If we payed attention he got ignored. If he focused on something that was for him, or someone who wasn't Richie, he got shit for it. 

"I'm just fed up, you know? Richie is such an attention whore, and when I'm trying to make friends with someone else for once, he feels the need to ruin it." Bill frowned, nodding his head in agreement. 

"H - H - He's trying to ruin it be - be - be - because h - he's juh - juh - juh - juh -" Bill broke off, frustrated. Stan appeared, putting a hand on his shoulder. 

"Jealous?" Bill smiled, nodding. 

"I think what Bill is trying to say is that Richie sees you talking to someone else and he wants to be the one you're talking to." Eddie glanced at said boy, who was sulking like a petty little kid. He felt absolutely zero sympathy. 

"Well if he wanted to talk to me so badly then he wouldn't have practically ignored my existence for three weeks. How does he think I felt, sitting with nobody next to me at the lunch table every time he took one of his stupid girlfriends behind that fucking stairwell? What about the boyfriends? Sometimes I saw him look back, and I know he sees me, because he grins. He waved once. Can you believe that?" Eddie laughed humorlessly, shaking his head. 

"He fucking waved. And yet he still went off with her to have his fun. What about the poor girls? What if they really liked him?" Eddie was aware that he was rambling, but at least he kept his voice low. Bill looked sympathetic, Stan grim. 

"I don't know what to tell you, Eddie. Richie is an idiot, we all know that." Bill was nodding still, agreeing with everything Stan said. Eddie's gaze dropped to see his hand brushing the back of the other boy's and felt more jealousy. Stan got his happy ending, it seemed. 

"I th - th - th - th - think you need to give him t - t - t - t - t - time, Eh - Eh - Eh - Eddie. He'll w - wuh - wuh - wuh - hisen up eventually." Bill smiled sadly. 

"Yeah, whatever. I just want my best friend back." Eddie looked away, uncomfortable as he felt Stan's knowing look. Fortunately, Bill didn't notice. There were a few more stuttered words of comfort before the two walked off, and Eddie convinced himself that it was time to stop moping and start worrying about Myra. 

The girl seemed to be getting along pretty well with Bev, who was introducing her formally to Ben. He walked over, catching the end of Bev's sentence. 

"- and sometimes Eddie and I get up real early to make breakfast. Well, really, Eddie is the one who gets up early, I just help out." The brunette smiled as he approached the small group. 

"I'm not really that good. Bill's mom was the one who taught me how." Bev looked up, eyes shining. 

"Hey, Eddie! Ben and I were telling Myra all the things we do as a group." Ben nodded along, but he was mostly just staring at Bev like a lovesick puppy. She didn't seem to notice, too busy laughing along with Myra. 

"Hey, Bevvie," Eddie replied, using her nickname flippantly. He had always liked calling her that, since not a lot of the others had really taken to it. He glanced at Myra, deciding that he needed to come up with a nickname for her. 

"I need a nickname for you too," he voiced his thought. She flushed, her little eyes widening as much as they could with her chubby face. 

"You can call me whatever you want," she assured him in a hurry. Eddie glanced at Bev, who smirked with a knowing look, and nodded encouragingly. Eddie took a breath. He liked Myra, he really did. He knew his mother would be happy if he asked her out, and by the sounds of it, so would Myra herself. 

"Hmm, I'll think of one," he replied, his gaze shifting over to Richie. He was talking to Mike, but he was looking right back at Eddie. The brunette frowned deeply as Richie waved dramatically, thrusting out a hand in his direction. The small boy excused himself from the group, pushing away the thrill of excitement he felt upon getting closer to Richie. 

The freckled boy grinned widely as he approached. 

"Hey, Spaghetti! I missed you. Look, I'm real sorry for upsetting you earlier. Can you ever forgive me?" Richie made puppy dog eyes, to which Eddie sneered. 

"Not if you don't get your act together, you idiot. What gives? Have you really been that busy with all of your little hookups? It's like you forgot we even existed." Mike had rather wisely excused himself from the situation once Eddie began talking. He had moved to converse with Myra, Bev and Ben, who were joined by Bill and Stan as well, leaving Eddie and Richie as the only two who were alone. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you think I was ignoring you." Eddie eyes Richie warily. He seemed serious enough, his grin fading into a slightly nervous smile. 

"I don't know how quickly I can forgive you, Richie. You really made me sad. I thought I had done something wrong." Richie's eyes flashed with sudden alarm, and he was immediately protesting. 

"No, you didn't do anything, Eddie, I swear! I just.." His gaze trailed away, and to Eddie's surprise, his cheeks were growing red. He mumbled something about distractions, but Eddie didn't quite catch it. 

"Well, whatever it was, it was uncalled for." Richie nodded obediently, eyes wide. 

"Never again, Spaghetti Man. Can't promise I'll totally give up my life of jumping from person to person, but I'll definitely make more of an effort to be there. Deal?" Eddie frowned, pondering his response. He really didn't want Richie to keep getting with other people, but who was he to deny him that? After all, he was only a little boost of confidence away from having a girlfriend of his own. 

It suddenly occurred to Eddie that while he had found himself staring at Richie's mouth countless times, he had never thought of Myra that way. 

He insisted to himself that he just had to give it time. He hadn't know her long enough yet. He wasn't supposed to look at her that way, anyway. It was disrespectful. 

Then, how come she looked at him sometimes? 

Eddie shook his head, looking up at Richie with a small smile. 

"You are an idiot, Richie Tozier. I'll forgive you this time, I guess. You got lucky. Now come over here and stop sulking, you look better smiling." Richie's jaw dropped when Eddie winked, and bit his lip, purposefully this time. He laughed, whirling around and running off, Richie shouting after him. 

"You can't do that to a man and not pay for it! Wait, Eddie! Come back! Come on, baby, we can talk this out!" The brunette shrieked with laughter as thin arms grabbed his waist and began tickling him. 

"Stahahahahahahap, Richie, lemme go!" Tears filled Eddie's eyes as he shoved himself away, gasping for breath, one last string of giggles passing his lips. He hid behind Myra, peering over her shoulder at the boy who's dark curls shone in the sunlight. 

"Face me, you fool! What kind of a man hides behind their girlfriend?" Eddie froze, cheeks burning at the statement. He peered at Myra's face, only to see that she was in a similar position. Everyone stared at the two of them, holding their breath. 

Eddie broke the silence, laughing nervously as he pulled away from the girl, deciding to play it off as a joke. 

"Haha, very funny, Richie. You're just jealous." He wiggled his eyebrows, causing Richie to raise his own. Eddie's smile faded as everyone continued to stare. 

Myra was looking at Eddie almost expectantly. 

"Why would I be jealous, Eddie? Have you got something to tell us?" Eddie covered his face, failing to notice the actual flash of jealousy crossing Richie's face as the rest of the group started making awkward conversation with each other to avoid the situation. 

"You know what, Myra? Let's get out of here. I've got a few quarters, we can go see that scary movie they're showing. It's only on until the end of today." Eddie gave Richie a dirty look, ignoring the looks of shock on everyone's faces as he took the girl's hand and led her towards the exit to the barrens. 

"Wow, now who's ditching who?" Eddie pushed down the flare of shock anger in his stomach, but the hurt licked like flames at his heart, searing the edges. 

He ignored Richie's harsh words that were sharper than the coke bottle Stan had used to cut their hands that fateful day. 

"Fine, go ahead! Fucking hypocrite, am I right, guys? We'll have twice as much fun without you!" Eddie fought back tears as he walked, his throat tightening. But it wasn't his asthma (or lack thereof). 

He could faintly hear what sounded like Stan and Bev yelling at him, along with a string of faintly angry stutters from Bill. 

Eddie just clutched Myra's hand tighter, pulling her along. He hadn't quite thought about how far of a walk it was to town, and apologized to the girl as he approached his own house to ask his mother for a ride. 

"Are you two going on a date?" Eddie flinched at the high register his mother managed to reach with her squeal of excitement. Myra just blushed, looking unsure. 

"Y - Yeah, Ma. I guess we are." Eddie managed a small smile, even through the pain of his tiny hand being squeezed to death by the exceedingly nervous girl beside him. His mother rambled the whole ride about how pleased that she was now that they were officially together while Eddie moped silently. He couldn't really help but wish he had stayed and tried to work things out with his friend. 

But he was angry, too. He was upset with Richie, and he wasn't sure how long this was going to take for him to get over. He had let down his guard for the boy after a single apology, and he immediately shot Eddie back out of the sky. 

The scrawny boy couldn't understand. Richie was supposed to be his best friend. Regardless of whether he was interested in more or not, he wasn't supposed to act this way. He was supposed to be supportive of Eddie, especially if he was with a girl. 

Eddie glanced at Myra, who was smiling shyly as his mother continued on about how happy she was. He felt guilty. He couldn't view himself with her for a long time. He wanted to, but he just didn't feel like it was right. He was still hung up on Richie, and he hated it, he hated the way that Richie had him wrapped around his finger. He knew that if Richie came back he would forgive him, because he couldn't just say no. 

Before Eddie knew it, they were pulling up in front of the cinema and he was leading Myra along. His mother stuffed a few extra coins into his hands so that he could pay for snacks, and he assured her with red cheeks that they would be fine before leading his friend-turned-girlfriend into the theater after paying for two tickets. He purchased a popcorn for them to share as he entered and let her choose their seats. She decided to sit in the middle, since the theater wasn't packed due to the fact that it was the last day they were showing this picture. 

Eddie hardly watched the movie, and didn't react when his hand touched Myra's in the popcorn bucket, too deep in thought. 

He would just have to avoid Richie even more than Richie was avoiding him. He considered asking his teachers to move his seat, but wondered if that was a little much. After all, he could always just ignore him, couldn't he? That would probably be easiest. 

When the movie got to it's scariest parts, Eddie was startled out of his thoughts, and forced to pay more attention. Myra was squeezing his hand again, screaming at every little noise. 

Eddie watched as the monster in the movie - A gigantic spider that definitely brought back too many memories - reared back, before stabbing it's elongated legs down onto the spot where the main character had been laying just moments earlier. 

Eddie looked away, uncomfortable at the amount of anxiety he was feeling just from seeing the creature. He was relieved when the picture was over, and led Myra outside quickly, his chest feeling a bit cramped. He wanted fresh air. He refused to take out his inhaler, even when his breath started whistling. 

Myra was too busy talking about her favorite parts to notice, thank God. Eddie led her outside, spotting his mother immediately. She was exactly where she promised to be, making him wonder if she had waited there the whole time. Sighing, Eddie tugged on Myra's hand and getting into the car. He reluctantly shared his thoughts on the movie on the car ride to drop the girl off, pretending to have been super interested. In reality, he couldn't even remember the title of the picture. Eddie walked Myra to her door, leaving her with a gentle kiss on the cheek. He hated himself as she giggled, blushing, before closing the door quietly. Eddie buried his face in his hands, but walked back to his mother's car with an exhausted groan. 

"Eddie Bear? What's the matter? You aren't feeling sick, are you? Pill time when we get home, alright?" Said boy let his head fall back against the seat, clutching the armrest. The drive was short. 

"I'm fine, Ma, just tired. I know. I'm probably just gonna have something small for dinner if that's okay, we ate a lot of popcorn earlier." His mother didn't question him further, telling him that it was okay if he just went to bed early this morning. He would need to rest up for school tomorrow, after all. 

So after a small helping of the dinner she made and taking all of his respective medications before he closed the door to his room with a satisfying click. 

Eddie let himself fall face-first onto his bed after changing into suitable sleepwear, burying his head instead into his pillow. 

The tears came before he could stop them, and he screamed into his pillow. Sobs wracked his body as he clutched the fabric, his entire being collapsing into a series of chokes, cries and hiccups with a few short gasps for breath in between. 

Eddie cried until he couldn't cry anymore, and just heaved for air, dry sobs still leaving his mouth. Exhaustion tugged at the back of his head. 

He fell asleep with his face drenched in his own tears and dreamed that Richie was there to help him clean them up.


	7. 06

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday to me! Extra chapter for you guys because I’m nice. Then again... This chapter isn’t. Sorry, not sorry! Eddie doesn’t really get his way today... Don’t worry, though! I promise it’ll only get worse from here! >:^)

Eddie carried out his plan of ignoring Richie easily, seeing as the boy didn't even bother to show up to school for the next few days. 

Naturally, Eddie worried, but he didn't try to. He focused instead on Myra and himself, trying to gradually build up his confidence in their relationship. He remained friends with Stan, and through Stan, Bill, but other than that everyone started slipping away. 

None of the losers wanted to hang out with Myra once they started dating. She was constantly fussing over him and wouldn't let him do anything they were doing, including dipping his feet in the barrens. 

Because of their deepening dislike of Myra, Eddie was stuck. His mother insisted he take her everywhere as a good boyfriend, and nobody else wanted her around. 

It wasn't until the following week that Richie bothered showing up to school, but all Eddie saw of him was a quick glance, because he didn't come to his classes. He pretended not to notice. Stan and Bill didn't talk about Richie anymore. 

The only person Sonia let Eddie be around without Myra was Stan, and that wasn't even because she was okay with it, Eddie just insisted that he needed some time away from the suffocating girl. 

"I don't know, he won't talk to any of us. Nobody knows why he's skipping school except for him, and the girls who are conveniently missing on the same days. And when he showed up today, at least one slut from every class I was in happened to be absent, so now we know what he was doing instead of coming to class.”

The only reason Eddie had asked Stan about Richie was because he had to know. If the boy was in trouble, Eddie would never be able to forgive himself for not helping. He just needed to know. So naturally, he was disappointed at the taller boy's answer. 

"Oh." 

That was all he said before changing the subject to other topics. 

The rest of Eddie's week before the weekend consisted of ignoring Richie's presence when he actually had shown up to class. 

This went on for two more weeks. Every day, Richie either skipped, didn't come to class, or did come to some but let Eddie ignore him the whole time. However, when it was one of the days where Richie just ditched class, it was almost like he made sure Eddie could see him dragging some girl to another unknown place. 

Eddie knew he was just letting the kid get to him, but he was determined to ignore it. 

Every weekend Myra and Eddie went out, whether it was to eat, watch a movie, or just take a walk. They were dates, sure, but it was more like an outing with his mom, in Eddie's opinion. 

It got especially uncomfortable when Myra started showing interest in physical affection. 

The boldest thing Eddie could bring himself to do so far was kiss her cheek, and even that was unsanitary. 

He and Myra were walking in the nearby neighborhood that passed the baseball field. Ever since the summer, not a lot of kids played there. The parents weren't exactly thrilled to have their kids outside as much anymore, but there were still a few. 

Eddie was sure he heard Belch yelling a few times, and every time, he was wrong. He knew what had happened to him, and forced himself not to think about it, instead focusing on the feeling of Myra's pudgy hand that barely fit his own. 

They paused at a bench and sat down, watching the game from a distance. There were barely enough people for two teams, which meant the game was moving pretty slowly. Myra had scooted as close as she could without knocking Eddie off the bench, and the brunette was aware of her breath on his cheek. If he turned his head a little bit to the right, his mouth would touch hers, and that would seal the deal. She wouldn't ever let him go. 

Was that what Eddie wanted? 

He knew he didn't love Myra. Not the way she loved him, anyway. He also knew that he wasn't sure about girls in general. They just didn't appeal to him. 

The third thing Eddie was aware of was the fact that both of the above were Richie Tozier's fault. He had come to terms with the fact that he was hopelessly in love, and he had fallen way too hard to be over it in a matter of weeks, girlfriend or not. He still sought the boy out in the hallways even when 'ignoring' him, which was probably why he saw him with girls so often. Richie wasn't one to seek out other people when he was about to get some. 

Eddie's breath hitched as Myra brushed a shy kiss against his cheek. He instinctively turned his head to look at her, and was frozen in shock when those lips now smashed against his own. His eyes screwed tightly shut  as he awkwardly sat there, too surprised to return the kiss. Before Myra could pull away, he pecked back feebly and jerked his head away, face bright red. There were a few catcalls from the field, to which he flipped off anyone in that general direction. There was a hoot of laughter that he ignored, much like he was ignoring Richie, and much like he was ignoring the dazed and ecstatic face of Myra. 

"U - Um..." Eddie was fighting the urge to jump to his feet, run home and brush his teeth four times. 

"Sorry, Eddie... I got a little carried away." Myra giggled, twirling her hair around one sausage-like finger. 

"It's alright, Marty," he replied automatically, inwardly hating himself for the pet name. It just led her on even more, and that was the last thing he wanted. He was even more stuck now, and he knew it. Now she was going to expect that of him more often. 

Richie's face flashed in his vision, causing his heart to twist in his chest. For the first time in nearly a month, Eddie let himself wish so strongly, just wish from the bottom of his heart, fucking wish so badly that Richie had been the one to steal his first kiss. Myra was smiling widely as she observed the view of the park, oblivious to Eddie's inward conflict. He had imagined countless times what it would be like to kiss Richie. 

As if on cue, there was a loud shout from the baseball field, and Eddie looked up, eyes widening. 

Richie was standing on the field with the rest of the kids, grinning. 

"Yo, Richie, are you gonna skip with us again this week?" 

Eddie's heart sank into his stomach. Skip... To play baseball? He immediately felt guilty, overwhelmingly so. He wondered if anyone else knew this was where he had been, instead of getting laid all day. Eddie wanted to leave, but he would have to walk right past the field. Richie would definitely see him. He wondered if he could just wait until the game was over, but that was unlikely. These kids played all day. 

A jolt of panic shot down Eddie's spine as his gaze locked with Richie's. The boy looked surprised to see him, but he broke out into a hesitant smile, lifting a hand to wave. Eddie hesitated, weighing out his options. If he went over there, he would 100% fall head over heels within seconds and forgive the idiot without thinking it over. Now, naturally, Eddie would love to forgive Richie. But last time he had forgiven him, it only took minutes for everything to fall apart again. 

On the other hand, let's say he ignored Richie. That might be the last chance he ever had to fix things with the boy. Was he really willing to cut ties with him forever?

Myra was nudging him with a confused sort of smile. Eddie managed a feeble one in return, but his gaze moved back to Richie, who was still watching, almost expectantly. Eddie realized that he hadn't waved back yet. 

Swallowing hard, Eddie lifted his hand in a little wave, before tearing his gaze away and hoping against hope that nothing more would happen. He decided rather than to wait and see if Richie had the audacity to actually come over and speak to him, he would leave before he could. Grabbing Myra's hand firmly, and standing at an angle in which it would be quite easy for the bespectacled boy to see the fact that they were together, Eddie stood up. 

"Let's get you home, Myra. I have chores to do, I can't have you out all day today. I'll bring you somewhere nice next weekend, okay?" The girl happily agreed, tilting her head so Eddie could press a quick kiss to her cheek, and he began walking even as he felt that red-hot stare boring into the back of his skull. 

Eddie let out a breath of relief once they were past the field. He was afraid Richie was going to follow them, but now he could hear the game resuming and he knew they were safe. 

Myra lived just on the edge of the park's entrance, so he dropped her off and began the long trek home. 

The length of the walk gave Eddie a lot of time to think. So he did, staring at trees and houses as he passed and making sure to stick to the sides of the roads when there were no sidewalks. 

Part of him wished he had gone up to talk to Richie when he had seen him on the baseball field. It felt like something had clicked out of place when he left, and he hated it so much, but the fact that whatever had left was gone just made him want it back with everything he had. 

Eddie had been doing a lot of wishing lately. He knew he couldn't have everything he wanted, that much was obvious at this point. His petty last move had been trying to make the kid jealous before he left. For a minute, Eddie wondered if he was the one in the wrong here. He had no right to be upset that Richie was finding other people. It's not like Richie was his. At this point Eddie wasn't even angry, he was just hurt. 

When he glanced over his shoulder, his heart stopped, and he had to force himself not to falter. If anything, he just started walking faster. How had the baseball game ended this early? All of the kids were somehow, by some immense form of luck, walking along the street just a little ways behind Eddie himself. 

Maybe he could lose them as he walked through the downtown area. Eddie hoped that was the case as he swiveled around corners of buildings and even paused to make sure they weren't behind him. 

They were buying ice cream. 

Eddie breathed a sigh of relief, and turned to keep walking when a figure stepped out of the alleyway before him. 

Henry Bowers, crazy as ever, grinned down at Eddie with a look of pure hatred and malicious glee. He phased in and out of focus as Eddie's heart rate began picking up speed and he took a step back. 

"Hey, Rock Man." The scene was all to familiar, and suddenly Eddie 

 

was on the ground, his arm flaring with the most intense pain he had ever experienced in his life. It was like tongues of flame were licking up the sides of the limb, and Eddie screamed a horrible scream, looking down at the broken appendage. 

 

But Eddie wasn't on the ground, and his arm wasn't broken. He was on his feet, staring up at Henry in absolute terror. He was aware of the fact that his throat was beginning to close up and his chest was tightening but he was afraid to reach for his aspirator. He considered running, but Henry's legs were longer, and where would he go? Whenever trouble involved Henry, the grownups were too afraid to step in. Henry didn't let grownups say no. 

Eddie took a step back, hearing the cars whizzing by on the busy street behind him. For every step Eddie took backwards, Henry took one forwards until Eddie was right on the edge of the road. If he moved back any further he would be standing on the hot pavement, just asking to get hit. 

"Got any rocks?" Henry cackled, clenching his fists. If he hit Eddie, that would hurt. 

"Don't hit me." 

He immediately regretted his words when Henry's smile faded into an expression of rage and his fist flew out, hitting Eddie square in the nose. Lightning flashed in Eddie's eyes as his head flew back and he lost his balance, but before he could stumble into the street, a strong hand closed around his collar and another punch landed on his right cheek, causing Eddie's legs buckled beneath him, his vision swimming as he struggled to remain upright. He was just barely aware of the fact as he began to come back to his senses that another pair of hands had grabbed his arms and he was being pulled away by some unbeknownst savior. 

Mike Hanlon, who had told them his tales that included years of practice escaping from the bullies, was dragging him along as he ran. Eddie managed to coordinate his feet and pounded after him, flying by the group of baseball players. 

"Eddie..?" There was a surprised shout from none other than Richie Tozier as the shorter boy stumbled by without a moment's hesitation, following Mike with fear and adrenaline pumping in his veins. He ran faster upon hearing an infuriated scream from behind him and the pounding of boots against the asphalt. 

"Come on, Eddie, just a little further! I live too far away, but Ben's house is right around the corner, and his parents are home today." Eddie pushed harder than he had pushed since Henry had last tried to give him trouble, tears blurring his vision as they rounded the corner onto a street that was vaguely familiar. 

He stumbled up the steps as Mike pounded on the door, and Eddie frantically scratched at it as he spotted Henry closing the distance. He was at the end of the driveway when the door opened and they tumbled in past Mrs. Hanscom and slammed it shut. Eddie swayed as he unsteadily made his way to their bathroom, wincing at the angry shouts and pounding of fist against wood while Mike gave a hushed explanation to the shocked woman. There were heavy steps coming down the stairs as Eddie made it to the bathroom, peering at his face in the mirror. 

His nose was bleeding heavily and had started to swell brilliantly. He didn't want to touch it, but he knew it had to be cleaned. His eyes traveled to his cheek, which had already become an ugly shade of yellows and browns, and was surprised to see that Henry's punch had actually split the skin, and there was a slow trickle of blood from there as well.  He helped himself to their first aid supplies just as Ben himself entered the bathroom, followed by Mike. Eddie reluctantly agreed to letting them clean up his face while he sat back, taking a quick puff of his aspirator. 

He hissed at the touch of a cold cloth to his face, tensing up as his throbbing cheek sent a jolt of pain up to his temples. He settled for clutching Ben's meaty hand as tightly as he could while Mike cleaned off his face gently. 

Eddie exhaled sharply once Mike informed him that he was finished, letting his head roll backwards on his shoulders. He was exhausted. He wanted to call Stan, but then Ben would ask why. Eddie hesitated while Ben and Mike carried a hushed conversation just outside the bathroom. He touched his cheek gingerly, his fingertips brushing the band-aid that had been draped across the cut. His nose didn't hurt too much anymore, and he was fairly certain that he hadn't broken it, but it still hurt, all the same. 

Eddie struggled to his feet, opening the door and stepping out into the hallway. 

"Um... Can I use your phone, Ben?" He managed a small smile, and Ben returned it with a nod. 

"Sure, Eddie. It's in the kitchen." After uttering a soft 'thank you', Eddie walked to the kitchen and picked up the phone. He listened to the dial tone for a moment, and knew that he should call his mother first, but he really didn't want to go home with all of her fussing. If she saw him before his nose was back to it's normal size he would definitely be spending the rest of his day and possibly even his night in the ER. Instead, he began dialing Stan's number. He nearly cried with happiness when Stan was the one to pick up the phone. 

"Eddie?" The boy on the other end sounded surprised. "What's up?" Eddie took a minute to find the words to explain. Before he could think about what he was really saying, he had already said it. 

"It's about Richie." 

After barely refraining from smacking his forehead, Eddie groaned. Of course this wasn't about Richie, this was about Henry Bowers. What was he saying? 

Then again, it sort of was about Richie. He wouldn't have gone the long way through town to get home if Richie hadn't been right behind him. 

"What about him? Was he bothering you? Where are you, Eddie? I can come get you, if you want." Eddie's heart swelled with gratitude at his friend's honest concern. 

"I dunno, Stanny, it's hard to explain. It's not even totally about him... I'm at Ben's house right now, but I don't want to go home because my mom will flip her shit if she sees me. I hate inviting people to other people's houses, hang on.." Eddie pulled the receiver away from his mouth, leaning towards the door to the hallway. 

"Ben, is it alright if Stan swings by?" There was a grunt of approval from the hallway, to which Eddie returned to the phone. 

"Ben says you can come by. But I'm not staying long, I'm already going to get home later than planned, and you know how my mom is. You'll know what I mean when you get here." Thankfully, Stan didn't question him any further, just assured him that he would be there in five minutes. 

Sure enough, five minutes later and Stan was riding up the driveway on his bike. Eddie stood behind Ben as he opened the door, inviting Stan inside with one of his shy little smiles. Mike clapped him on the shoulder, and Stan was smiling in blatant confusion. 

That is, until he spotted Eddie. His face fell and morphed into an expression of anger and concern as he took a small step forward. 

"Did he do that?" Eddie shook his head, and actually laughed a little bit at the question. 

"Nah, Richie didn't hit me. He would never. I did see him today, though." That got Ben and Mike interested as well, and they both looked on curiously. "Here, it's easier if I just tell all of you. Let's go sit down." 

The group headed up to Ben's room and took their seats in the various corners of the room. Eddie sat with his back against the wall. 

"I was taking a walk with Myra in the park, because my mom told me that it's only proper to take a girl on a date every weekend, even if you can't afford to go somewhere fancy," he began, which earned a snicker from Mike and a small sympathetic smile from Ben. Stan just looked angry still. 

"We were sitting on a bench near the baseball field, just watching, you know? I guess Richie hasn't been skipping to sleep around, because when he got there, the guys were all asking him if he was going to skip again this week so he could play." Finally, Stan looked surprised, and to his credit, a bit guilty, just like Eddie. Ben and Mike just seemed to come to the mutual agreement that it made sense, but there was no denying the mutual surprise at the information. 

"Anyway, once I saw him, I wanted to leave. But I would have had to walk right by, and I didn't want him to try and talk to me, so I decided to try and wait the game out. But he saw me anyway. He waved, and I was afraid if I stayed he would walk over, so I just kinda waved back and left. I dropped Myra off, and on my way home, the entire team showed up behind me. It made no sense for them to be there so soon after their game just started, right?" The other three boys were shaking their heads with bewildered looks, and Eddie frowned. 

"I doubt Richie could have gotten them all to agree to just follow some kid, but in the moment I just wanted to get away, so I went the long way through the town. Sure enough, they all stopped to get ice cream, and I was gonna cut through this sort of side street so the walk around the block wouldn't be so long, but Henry Bowers showed up. You can probably guess the rest of the story. If Mike hadn't shown up, I'd probably be laying on the sidewalk with another broken arm." 

There was a long silence. Minutes went by where the four kids just thought. Eddie wondered if Richie had seen the whole thing. He had only been just down the street, and he certainly seemed quite a ways closer than Eddie remembered him having been before Henry started beating on him. 

There were so many questions swirling in Eddie's head, so many thoughts, so many wishes, that the tired boy was falling asleep before he could even notice the fact that his eyes were closed.


	8. 07

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh... Eddie’s in some trouble. I’m excited aaaaa I always want to post another chapter early but I can’t because I could never keep up. Anyway I hope I’m not shattering anyone’s hearts with this one :P

Eddie woke up to a high-pitched scream and the loud voice of none other than Richie Tozier himself. 

He opened his eyes slowly, vision still rather blurry. He grinned sleepily upon spotting a certain curly-haired someone standing just a few feet away from him. 

"Hey, Richie," he managed, but through his half-awake mouth it came out sounding more like 'Hey, Chee'. 

There was a rumble of laughter from many voices as Eddie struggled to wake the rest of the way up. A pudgy hand grasped his shoulder, yanking him to his feet and that certainly did the job. His eyes flew the rest of the way opened as he jerked away from the hand with a gasp. Fully alert, he scanned the room, horrified to see Ben's mother, his own mother, Stan, Mike, and Ben all standing in the same room, but worst of all, so was Richie. 

"Sorry, Eddie. We tried to get him to leave, but your mom showed up at the same time." Stan glared at Richie, who made a face and stuck out his tongue. Eddie was confused, and his adrenaline rush was wearing off, which meant he was starting to get tired again. His injured cheek had stopped throbbing, but upon touching it, he knew it should be left alone. He withdrew his hand with a hiss of pain, much to his mother's horror. 

"Eddie Bear, you are hours late! What happened to your face? Come on, we need to get you out of here, straight away. These boys are nothing but trouble, I've been telling you that for years! This is why I tried to get you out last summer. All they ever do is get you hurt." She grabbed his wrist and started walking past a surprised, but apologetic Mrs. Hanscom. Eddie summed up all of his remaining courage, and put his foot down, yanking his arm away. 

"No, Ma! I won't let you do that again. My face would still be covered in blood and I'd be laying in some alleyway if it weren't for Mike and Ben! They saved me. You never listen! Why do you think I didn't come home right away, huh?" Sonia was speechless, so Eddie took the opportunity to continue his angry rant. 

"Because I knew you were just going to blame one of my friends!" He exploded. Eddie was shouting now. "All you ever do is blame stuff on other people! I wasn't just making stuff up when I said that my medicine is bullshit, because it is! They're fucking bullshit, and I only keep them because medicine or not, they really do help. Not because they alter my physical condition, but because you have forced these things on me for so long that I really do need them! Do you know how much of a fucking burden it is to be having a panic attack in school just because I forgot this stupid little plastic container of... what is it, fucking water?" Eddie ripped his aspirator out of his fanny pack and threw it on the ground. It went skittering across the floor to lay at her feet. He wished he hadn't done that. He wished he wasn't ignoring Richie, because he really wanted one of his hugs. 

"I have to live with this because you ruined my chance at being a normal kid. Do you know why I'm so skinny and delicate, Ma? It's because of you. I'm not allowed to eat all the stuff other kids eat. I'm not allowed to play all the games other kids play. I can't be strong like them because I was never given the chance to do the things they did that made them strong!" Eddie felt hot tears tumbling down his cheeks as he started to cry. He must look insane, especially in front of Mrs. Hanscom. He stopped for a second to look at everyone else in the room. Stan looked like he was about to cry, too. Richie looked.. proud? Mike looked reassuring, and Ben just looked sympathetic. 

"Whatever, Ma. Do what you want. At this point it's gonna be too hard to try and change anything, anyway." Eddie picked up his inhaler as he passed the giant woman, squeezing by her and out the door. He heard the hushed voice of his mother with Ben's, and the patter of footsteps running after him. 

"Eddie?" The brunette didn't turn around, but he stopped walking a few steps away from the front door. 

"What is it, Richie?" He turned his head, but didn't quite look over his shoulder. He would just cry harder if he looked at the boy's face. Eddie sniffled with a pathetic sob as he buried his face in his hands. There was a moment where nothing was heard except for his muffled cries. 

Then, there was a warm pair of hands brushing his shoulders. He lifted his head as he was turned around and pulled into a gentle, but firm hug. Eddie let himself go, forgetting all about the hurt he felt towards Richie and just melting against the boy as he clutched part of his shirt into a fist. 

He pulled Richie closer, not caring that he was probably getting his shoulder all wet and gross with tears, but just inhaling his scent and brushing his fingertips through that soft, curly black hair. 

"I hate you, Richie," Eddie sobbed. "I wanna be mad at you so bad, but I can't be mad. Why can't I just be mad at you?" He felt Richie's shoulder shake with laughter. 

"I don't know, Eds. Why can't you? I've always felt like it was easy for you to get mad at me." Eddie shook his head, finally pulling back to look up at his friend's face. Richie's eyes were shining with amusement, and his lips were twitching up into a tiny smile. 

"Because you're my best friend, and..." Eddie hesitated, scowling. "And... Even though you're the stupidest person on planet Earth, not even I can hate my best friend." Richie pretended to wipe a tear from his eye while Eddie focused on wiping actual tears from his eyes. 

"And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the second closest thing to an 'I love you' that I will ever get from my dear Spaghetti Man." Eddie punched Richie's shoulder feebly, a blush darkening his cheeks. Richie chuckled, helping wipe Eddie's face clear of any stray tears. He was careful to avoid touching Eddie's bruising cheek too roughly, brushing the tips of his fingers across with the lightness of a feather. 

"Can I stop ignoring you without you being a dick about it?" Eddie frowned, even when Richie nodded. "Last time you promised to stop it only took a few minutes for it to start again." Guilt flashed in Richie's gaze, and that was nearly enough for Eddie to forget it. Richie wasn't usually that open with his emotions, so if that guilt was real, he must have felt really guilty. 

"I'm sorry. Really, I am. I took it too far. If you and that girl are dating, I respect you. Judging by the little show you put on earlier, you are together, yeah?" Eddie flushed, nodding reluctantly. 

"Don't tell anyone I told you but it was kind of an accident," he admitted. Richie's eyes widened, and then he started laughing, so hard that he actually doubled over and clutched his stomach. 

"Eddie Kaspbrak Gets Off a Good One!" He cried, grinning widely as he finally straightened up. 

"No, really," Eddie insisted. "I was just going to take her to the theater as friends that day after we fought, but my mom insisted it was a date, and she keeps making me go on more. I like Myra, but I just.." Eddie hesitated. Richie didn't know he liked boys. Looking back on it, Eddie realized that he had been somewhat hypocritical to have been upset that Richie hadn't told him. 

"You don't swing that way," Richie stated simply, much to Eddie's surprise. He blushed, shaking his head. 

"It's alright, Eds. Nothing to be ashamed of. I, for one, have definitely looked at a few guys in my day." He winked, which only made Eddie's blush darken. The smaller boy took a step back, sticking his tongue out. 

"Just because I don't like girls doesn't mean I like guys, dipshit. And even if I did like guys, I wouldn't like you." He bit his lip nervously. What if Richie thought he was serious? But the freckled boy just smiled. 

"Sure you wouldn't, Eds. Sure you wouldn't." Eddie's heart leaped into his throat. No way Richie knew, right? 

"Shut up. And don't call me Eds. Not everyone wants to shove their tongues down your throat, and even if I did want to, I couldn't right now." Eddie flushed, taking a small step back towards the door. Richie just smiled, taking a step closer. 

"You sure you don't want to, Spaghetti? It could be arranged." Eddie's breath hitched when Richie's smile became a bit more serious, and he realized that the boy didn't sound like he was completely joking.  He was way too close right now. Richie was taking it too far. Too far for it to be played off as a joke. Too far and too close for Eddie to think properly and remind himself that Richie had to be joking, why wouldn't he be?

Everything came to a screeching halt as Richie stumbled backwards due to the yank on the back of his shirt. Eddie nearly shrieked in surprise as he looked up and saw his mother standing there with an equally angry and concerned expression. Stan had burst into the room after her and he was helping Richie to his feet. Dark brown eyes searched Eddie's helplessly as everything began happening at once. Eddie's mother grabbed him by the arm, all the while shouting about how his friends were a disgrace to their family's names. He stumbled back when she opened the front door and stormed outside, her vice-like grip on Eddie's wrist unwavering even as he tried to pull away. 

Eddie threw a miserable look over his shoulder, meeting first Stan's eyes, then Ben's, then Mike's, and finally Richie's. 

He stared at Richie for what felt like an eternity. The boy looked like he was trying to be amused, but really, Eddie could see he was upset. 

"Same time next week?" Eddie attempted a feeble joke, his heart lightening at the smile that he saw cross Richie's face before the door was slammed shut and he was shoved into the car. 

The car ride home was silent, which just made Eddie more uneasy. His mother never waited to fuss until they got home. In fact, his mother was never this quiet in general. The second the car stopped in his driveway, Eddie bolted. He climbed out of the car and up the front steps, his heart sinking into his stomach when he realized the door was locked. 

"Calm down, Eddie Bear. It's alright. Your mom is gonna open the door for you, then she'll clean you up, okay?" Eddie nodded hesitantly, unsure of why she was being so gentle. Surely she was angry, right? 

Eddie slipped through the opened door, glancing uncertainly back at his mother before heading into the kitchen. She followed, much to his displeasure. She must have seen him glance at the phone, because she seated herself in front of it where he would have to ask her to move if he wanted to have a grab at it. 

"So, Eddie," she began, her voice calm. He sat down at the kitchen table across from her, staring at his hands. "Do you want to tell me something?" 

Dumbfounded, Eddie simply stared at her. A dull sense of horror lit in the pit of his stomach at her steely expression. What on Earth was she talking about? 

"Ma, I don't know what you mean... Are you talking about this..?" He gestured to his face with shaking hands. He was confused as the calmness melted into a blazing fire that was lighting in her eyes. 

"You know what I'm talking about, Eddie Bear. I saw how close you were standing to that boy. Have you been cheating on Myra?" Eddie's eyes widened, and he began shaking his head vigorously. 

"No, Ma, of course not! Richie is my best friend. I wasn't standing that close to him, I swear!" Eddie's mouth hung slightly opened. He really wasn't cheating, he wasn't. There wasn't anything between him and Richie that went anywhere beyond friendship. 

"Why were his hands all over you then, Eddie? That didn't look like just best friends to me. He was groping your waist, putting his hands where they didn't belong on your body." Eddie knew he must look hysterical as a fresh batch of tears welled up in his eyes. 

"No, no, no, Mom, I promise, it's not like that, I just haven't seen him in a while! He wasn't even touching me, I swear!" But Sonia was shaking her head. She was finally showing emotion, but Eddie really wished she would go back to being calm. 

"I always had a feeling you'd end up being a faggot, Eddie Bear. You never talked about girls at school. You only ever hung out with that group of boys, and that little slut. I was so happy when you found Myra, you know. I know how to make you better, okay? I'll call the school, and you can be transferred out of those boys' classes. I'll make sure you have lunch somewhere else, and -" Eddie cut her off, beginning to panic. He clutched his aspirator tightly in his shaking hands. 

"No, Ma, you can't do that!" 

"Yes I can, Eddie! I will do everything within my power to keep you away from them. Bad influences, all of them, every single one! You can make new friends, better ones. You'll see." Eddie shook his head, wiping tears from his face. He was absolutely enraged, and he was at his tipping point. 

"No, Ma. You won't do that. Want to know why? Because I am going to do everything in my power to make sure I'm still their friend! They have always been there for me, but you are constantly making me feel weak! Parents are supposed to make their kids feel strong, and proud of themselves! Richie has always done that for me. Even when he teases me! It makes me feel like I can actually take shit from other kids. You just make me feel like someone who has to be taken care of! You made me feel delicate and now I actually am delicate, and it's your fault. I'm not sick, Ma. I'm not gay, either!" Eddie hated lying.  "I like girls, I swear!" He stared at her with growing horror as she began to cry. She knew he could never hold it together if she guilt tripped him. 

"Eddie, stop lying to me! I'm your mother! If you just tell me the truth, I can help you! I can make you better, but you have to admit that there's something wrong first! I read it in this pamphlet, see?" She shuffled through the papers on the table with huge, shaky hands until she finally found what she was looking for. The pamphlet looked super religious, which was no surprise, because it was extremely anti-gay. It was about taking the first steps towards 'recovery'. 

"Mom, I don't need to admit anything! I don't like boys. I don't like Richie that way, I don't!" But Sonia was shaking her head. 

"Eddie, you have to understand. I know you, dear. I know you better than you even know yourself! I've had this pamphlet for years because I always knew that one day I would probably need it. It says right here that the first step is admitting your sin, okay? We can work on it together. We'll cure you!" She wasn't crying anymore, but Eddie was. His breath quickened as he tried to think of something to say. 

"I - I... I'm not -" he trailed off, staring helplessly up at the woman. She narrowed her eyes at him, and almost looked expectant. 

"Myra will not hear a word of this, you understand? That girl is the best thing that's ever happened to you. Do you think she hasn't mentioned your unwillingness to kiss her? I know these things, Eddie. She won't know that you're going through this, because you're going to stay with her and get better." Eddie nodded wordlessly, his cheeks wet with tears. 

"Okay, Ma.." His voice was nearly silent as he agreed. He couldn't see what else could be done. "Okay. I'll try." Finally, Sonia broke into a warm smile. 

"That's my boy, Eddie Bear. So brave. Go on up to bed, I'll make you some soup. Alright? Get nice and comfy. Tomorrow you'll feel a little better, and you won't have to worry about those nasty children who made you this way. They're probably all fags too, you know. Especially that Jewish boy. No straight man cleans up that nicely at his age." Eddie just nodded silently, before heading up to his room with settling feelings of shock and dread. What had just happened?

 He didn't know what else to do, but he was heartbroken, and still crying. He threw himself down on the bed with a scream that was muffled by his pillow. He thought about his friends. He remembered the clubhouse, and wondered if it still smelled like smoke, or if he really had been imagining it last time all of the losers had hung out there. The Smoke Hole ritual surfaced in his mind. 

He could remember pacing outside, watching anxiously every time the door swung opened and hoping against hope that Richie was the one coming outside. Every time, it was someone else. Even Bill was unable to make it long enough. Eddie really started to panic when Mike and Richie were the only two ones left in there. Something had to be going wrong. He had nearly passed out when they started 

 

screaming. Eddie stared at the spot on the ground where he knew the clubhouse door lay shut. 

"Someone help them!" Bev was shouting, and Bill was pulling the door opened. Smoke flooded out from the hole in the ground as he, Ben and Bev jumped down. It took them way too long to get the two coughing kids out, almost as if they had been looking for a while before they found them. Richie was barely awake. Eddie rushed forward, yanking the boy from Ben's grasp and pulling him towards the bushes as he began to heave. He rubbed Richie's back the same way Richie always rubbed his when he was anxious, brushing the dark curls from the boy's face as he retched and coughed. 

"It okay, Richie. You're out now. It's okay." 

 

The next thing Eddie remembered was the house on Neibolt Street. He, Bill and Richie had gone inside. Richie was afraid of dying. Eddie knew the poster scared him more than he cared to admit. He could remember the look of pure terror in Richie's eyes when he cast a helpless look Eddie's way. 

Fast forward to when Eddie was one the ground with that fucking clown towering over him. The last thing he could remember was a bunch of shouts as his friends entered the room, and then there was just Richie, only Richie, grabbing his face and making sure he didn't look. Richie, always there to make sure Eddie focused on him, not anyone else. Selfish, wonderful, beautiful Richie. 

 

Richie had been the first to comfort Eddie after what they had done in the sewers. Eddie hadn't wanted to do it, but Bev insisted, and nobody said no to Bev. Why had he gone first? Richie held him and once again made sure he looked at him while everyone else took their turns, as disgusting as that was, but he couldn't think of any other way to put it. Eddie had cried. He was pretty sure Richie did, too, but he wasn't positive. All he knew was that the boy held him until everyone was ready to move on. 

 

The next one was different. 

 

Eddie wasn't remembering anymore. 

 

Eddie was just seeing. He felt older. Why was he older? Eddie knew he was nearly fourteen, not his mother's age. But everyone else looked older, too. Bill was going bald. Richie wasn't wearing his stupid glasses. Ben had gotten thin. Eddie being the lovesick idiot he was, noticed that Richie had a ring on his finger. If this really was the future, that meant Richie was to be married some day. Eddie hoped he was happy. They were all standing in that horrible sewage pipe. In the pit where It lived. They were all together, but... Where was Stan? Mike? 

That's right. Stan killed himself, because It's back, and he couldn't handle it. 

Mike is in the hospital because Henry Bowers attacked him, but it was okay because Eddie had killed him. He had broken his arm again in the process, but he killed him. 

Eddie looked around, remembering briefly the ritual of Chüd. Bill was performing it, but he was slipping. Richie had gone in after him. 

Wait. 

Richie? 

He was screaming. Something about the fact that he was slipping. Eddie was thrown into a sort of third person point of view and was forced to watch as his hands fell away from everyone else's and he approached the monster, inhaler in hand. He was shouting something as he thrust the hand bearing the inhaler up to the shoulder into the giant spider's mouth. 

In the sudden excruciating pain and fear, Eddie blacked out, and somehow failed to notice the glittering golden wedding band on his own finger before falling out of focus completely. 

 

It had matched Richie's perfectly.


	9. 08

When Eddie woke up for school it felt like he had been hit my a truck. His muscles ached as he heaved himself out of bed. He got up as quietly as he could, sneaking into the hallway silently. The television was blaring downstairs, which meant his mother had definitely fallen asleep in her chair the night before. Eddie took a deep breath, hoping against hope that the shower wouldn't wake her up as he turned the knob slower than ever before. Once it was on and to the correct temperature, he poked his head out into the hallways, listening. When there were no signs of stirring, he closed the door and got undressed, getting under the flow of water. 

His muscles immediately began to relax, causing him to rest his forehead against the shower wall and let out a deep sigh of relief as he rolled his shoulders to get the rest of the knots out. He rubbed his face, and ran his soapy hands through his hair as he slowly began the long and tedious process of waking up. He took his time in the shower since he had gotten up a little early, and just let the water rain on him until it started to get cold. 

Eddie stepped out of the shower, before realizing he hadn't picked out an outfit to change in the bathroom. He sighed heavily, peering out of the bathroom after he wrapped a towel around his waist and rushing into his room. He grabbed a random shirt and a pair of jeans, slipping them on once he had dried off. He pulled on socks, and decided to leave his shoes off until later so his footsteps wouldn't rouse his mother from her slumber down in the family room. He clipped on his fanny pack and grabbed his aspirator, shoving it into the little pocket so he wouldn't forget it. 

He felt a little flutter of anticipation as he remembered that he might get to talk to Richie again today, before it was crushed as he also remembered his mother would be dragging him into the principal's office to change his classes that very day. He wondered if he could get away from her and see everyone to explain before she could drag him in there, and actually felt that he could get away with it if he moved fast enough. He peered at his face in the mirror, wincing at the ugly yellow-ish color his face had bruised to. It didn't hurt as much as it had the day before unless he touched it, which was good. 

Eddie gathered his school things together, shoving them into his backpack. He approached the stairs, taking a deep inhale and holding it as he began to creep down them slowly, skipping over the one that creaked. 

He reached the kitchen and exhaled slowly, putting his bag down and shuffling towards the cabinets to see if there was anything that wouldn't be so noisy as to wake up Sonia. He settled for two granola bars and headed into the bathroom, unwrapping them with a wince as it crinkled louder than he had anticipated. He scarfed them down, since he hadn't eaten the night before. Once he had brushed his teeth and fixed his hair accordingly, he figured there was no way to avoid his situation. It was time to go to school, anyway. 

He grabbed his bag, and glanced at the door, seriously considering just walking out and taking his bike. He shuffled towards the door, but the second he began pulling it opened, it creaked louder than any stair he had ever heard in his life, and his mother snorted, her eyes fluttering opened. He sighed, deflating. 

"Eddie Bear, don't go outside without me! I need to speak with Mr. Davis about your classes today. It's too chilly in the morning for you to go out without a jacket! And put your shoes on, young man." Eddie realized with a flush of embarrassment that he had, indeed, forgotten to put on his sneakers. He ran up the stairs, throwing them on and tying them messily as he threw on a light sweatshirt and ran back down, out the door, and into the car. His mother came bustling out just moments later, keys and pocketbook in hand as she locked the door firmly and got into the car herself. 

The ride to school was full of reassurance and comforting words, which just made Eddie more anxious. As they rounded the corner into the parking lot, he unbuckled his seat belt, leaning forwards in anticipation. 

"Edward Kaspbrak, you know better than to unbuckle your seat belt before we've come to a complete stop!" Sonia began lecturing Eddie, who was hardly listening as he threw the door of the stopping car opened and bolted, the sounds of her frantic shouting fading into the distance. 

He rushed into the school, hoping that Richie and Stan in particular were already at the locker. His heart beat quickened as he caught sight of Richie's dark curls, and he just ran faster. 

"Richie!" He gasped, skidding to a stop in front of the boy. 

"Hey, Eds," he grinned lazily. "Why were you running? Are you really that happy to see me?" Eddie glared at him, before glancing at who else was there. Bill and Stan stood side by side, the only other two losers to arrive so far. 

"Listen up, you guys. This is serious. My mom is crazy." Stan looked up, his slight smile fading as he began to grow concerned. Bill had a similar expression, but he didn't say anything either. 

"Tell us something we don't already know!" Richie teased. Eddie shook his head. 

"No, Rich, you have to listen. She's trying to switch me out of all of my classes! She thinks I'm gay, and she's blaming you guys for Henry's bullshit. Again. She says you're all bad influences, and since it isn't summer this time, she can actually do something about it." Richie's expression had slowly morphed into one of solid ice. His usually-warm brown eyes were stone cold. Eddie was almost afraid to look away in case he disappeared and did something stupid. 

"What a fucking bitch," he mused, and Eddie could tell he was trying very hard not to say anything more. 

"Easy, Richie." Eddie felt a sudden boost of confidence in himself. He stepped forward, his fingertips grazing the side of Richie's arm as he looked nervously up at the boy in question. Richie visibly softened the second his gaze met Eddie's. 

"Is she at least gonna let us hang out when we aren't at school?" Eddie shook his head miserably. 

"Richie, I think that if she's going so far as to making sure that my classes are different, it's safe to assume that's a no. She doesn't want me talking to you guys in a supervised building. There's no way she'll let me see you anywhere else. I'm going to be imprisoned in my own household. I bet the only person she'll let me talk to is Myra." Richie scowled upon hearing the girl's name, his expression going sour. Eddie managed a small smile. 

"Richie, look at me. No need to be jealous, yeah? You're still my best friend." The boy averted his eyes, still not convinced. 

"Sure, Eds. No need to tell me that. I'm not jealous. She's your girlfriend, that's just.. The way it is. You've gotta make time for her, I get it. Especially with your mom on your back about all this gay stuff." Eddie frowned, and in his lengthening stage of boldness, lifted a hesitant hand to gently brush against Richie's freckled cheek. The bespectacled boy froze up, his gaze immediately finding Eddie's and rooting him to the spot. 

"It's okay to be jealous, Richie. Being jealous of Myra doesn't mean that you're jealous of the fact that she's my girlfriend. At least, it doesn't have to. But I'm going to be honest with you, Rich." Eddie leaned a little closer, standing on his tip-toes so he was almost level with his friend's face. 

"I would choose you over Myra any day. Hell, I would even choose you over my own mother. It's not because I don't care about them. It's just the fact that you care about me in a way that makes me feel better about myself. You've never babied me. You are constantly pushing me out of my comfort zone, and it's good for me. What they do is suffocating, and it made me more fragile than I'd like to admit. You've always had this way of just being better without really trying." Richie was smiling now. Eddie swore he could feel his friend tilt his head the tiniest bit so he was leaning into the hand on his cheek. Then his gentle smile turned into one of his shit-eating grins, and Eddie knew he was going to regret saying anything. 

"That, ladies and gentlemen, is the closes thing to an 'I love you' that Richie Tozier will ever get from his beloved Spaghetti." Stan was shaking his head, and Bill was laughing. Eddie jumped away from Richie, blushing furiously. He shook his head, trying to ignore all the curious stares being directed at them. 

"Shut up, Trashmouth! That's not funny." Richie seemed to think it was pretty funny, because he had started laughing too. Eddie scowled. "If you wanted me to say that then you would have been nicer about it! I care about you a lot, Richie. I don't know what I'm going to do about all of this. I don't know how I'm going to get out of it yet, or how long it's going to take! I -" Eddie was cut off as a teacher appeared out of nowhere behind him, placing a delicate hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see Mrs. Brown, with a grave expression upon her face. 

"The office would like to see you, Mr. Kaspbrak." Eddie's face grew pale. He looked back at Richie, who was shocked into silence at his outburst. He wanted to say something else, but he didn't know what he could possibly tell the boy that would make it hurt any less. 

"I guess I'll see you around, Rich." He glanced back at Bill and Stan, forcing a big smile. "I'll miss you guys. Tell the others I said I'll miss them, too." The three kids watched in stunned silence as Eddie was led down the hallway and around the corner, disappearing as Mrs. Brown cast a sympathetic look over her shoulder. Eddie's head lowered as he walked into the office. He had never been sent here in school, so it was sort of anxiety-inducing as he approached Principal Davis' office and walked in quietly. His mother was already sitting, but he didn't look at her as he slid into the seat beside her. 

"Hello, Mr. Kaspbrak. I'm sure you're already somewhat aware of why you're here today, so I'm going to cut to the chase." The bald man picked up a pair of glasses, placing them on the bridge of his nose as he opened a crisp new file that had Eddie's name on it. He pulled out a brand new schedule, straight from the printer. It was still warm when it was passed into Eddie's shaking hands. He looked down at it. The only classes that hadn't changed were the ones that were his last two periods of the day, since he didn't have anyone in those classes besides Myra in Math. 

"That is your new schedule. You'll notice that we kept you with the same teachers so that you wouldn't have to start from scratch with introductions in that category. We made sure you were in a few classes with Miss Myra, who, as I have been very thoroughly explained about, seems to be your lady friend." Eddie could tell Mr. Davis was uncomfortable as the man glanced nervously at his mother, who was nodding her head as her foot tapped impatiently. 

"This was somewhat of a last minute change, but the teachers have been informed of your schedule change as well, so everything should be in order. Your lunch block has changed. Instead of having first lunch, you will be in second lunch. You are going to have someone with you in the halls at all times. You are not to seek out any of the members of your previous friend group. If they find you, then you are to excuse yourself and remove yourself from their company immediately. Your shadow will be supervising you to make sure this happens. After school, your mother will be outside and she expects you to leave immediately. If you are seen with someone you are not supposed to be with, she has very vaguely stated that there will be consequences." Eddie shuddered, averting his eyes. The principal cleared his throat, straightening up in his chair. 

"I believe that is all. First period started just a few minutes ago, so you wont be too late. I'll write you a pass and you can be on your way." Eddie glanced nervously at his mother, who seemed satisfied with her work, and nodded encouragingly. He took the pass Mr. Davis wrote him and quickly left the room, speed-walking through the empty hallways. He didn't stop until he was in his new first period class. 

Mrs. Brown looked up, and when she saw him, her eyes held pity for a brief moment. She pointed to the front, where there seemed to be an empty desk next to Myra. Eddie didn't want to know why the front row held an empty seat, but judging by the angry stare from a kid in the back of the room, someone had been moved. He sighed, sliding into the seat and pulling out his English work. A paper slipped out of his bag, and he stared at it for a minute. It was crumpled up. 

Upon unfolding it, Eddie read the messy handwriting across the top. It seemed he had picked up another one of Richie's papers. He sighed, tracing his fingers across the letters in a sort of dream-like state. Pulling out his pencil, he started working on the page. He knew this was the last time he would ever get to do this for Richie. He could sense Mrs. Brown standing behind him as he worked, but she didn't say anything. She just watched as he scrawled down the correct answers. 

He didn't get a single one wrong. 

He looked up, handing the worksheet to the woman with a sheepish smile. To his surprise, she smiled back, taking only his paper. She tapped her temple, before pointing at Richie's paper with raised eyebrows. Eddie looked down, before catching on, and a real genuine smile appeared on his face this time. 

'I miss you already, Trashmouth. Don't forget your homework next time.' 

When he had finished the stupid little note, he handed the paper to Mrs. Brown, who chuckled quietly as she passed. Myra cast Eddie a confused look, but he just shrugged, smiling. Richie was sure in for a surprise next class when he got back the homework he never did. 

The day went by slower than any day had gone by in the history of time and space. It felt like eons had passed by the time it was lunch. 

The one thing that had been messed up on Eddie's schedule was that lunch block was not shared with Myra, who was his only remaining friend. He was lucky to find a place at a back table where nobody else sat. He had scored in the sense that the table was up against a wall he could lean back on, and from his position, he could people-watch rather easily. So, as he ate his lunch, Eddie did so. He learned a lot about people he didn't know. Nothing interesting, just snippets of conversation. He saw a few people get tripped, and drop their lunches. He never laughed. 

Eddie didn't catch a single glimpse of his friends throughout the entire day. He had, admittedly, been looking to at least see them. But the school had done an alarmingly good job at keeping them on opposite sides of the building at all times. He didn't even see them walk out of the cafeteria during transition from first to second lunch. 

He supposed the best thing he could do for himself was just let the situation blow over. If he put enough effort in, maybe his mother would be convinced that he wasn't gay. Maybe she would loosen up after a month or two. 

A month or two went by, and Sonia did not loosen up. She often told Eddie that he was making progress, but she also told him that he needed to take the first step towards recovery if he really wanted to get better. 

Eddie would usually get upset if this happened. Sometimes nights ended in tears, just like it had the first time. But over the first two months, Eddie started getting tired of it. He was tired of being treated like a child who was sick when he wasn't. He was tired of being smothered (sometimes literally) by his mother and girlfriend, who both just seemed to be getting fatter. 

But as he got tired, Eddie also started to lose hope. He just couldn't see a way out of this. 

Every night, Eddie wished. He looked up at the stars, and he wished. He had nightmares, and when he woke up drenched in sweat and tears, he wished. 

Eddie wished he had told Richie before he was taken away. 

He wished he had at least told him, regardless of the fact that he would never have been accepted. 

He wished that his mother would stop suffocating him. He wished he had been allowed to run and play in the mud and in the rain when he was little. 

One day, when it was raining, Eddie did go outside. His mother was asleep watching tv. He went outside in his raincoat and galoshes, and ran. He didn't go far, mostly stayed in his yard. But it was amazing. 

This tiny 13 year old boy was having fun for the first time since his mother had accused him of cheating on Myra. 

Of course, good things never lasted long. His mother had dragged him kicking and screaming back inside after only twenty minutes of freedom. Eddie had gotten sick, and that took up another month of his life, even though he stopped coughing after a week. His mother insisted he stayed in bed when he wasn't at school until he had been sniffle free for an entire week. 

Eddie was trying to put up with it. He had started to lose hope as the school year came to a close. It was summer vacation, maybe his mom would let him go out on his own a few times. 

Of course not, though. Why would she? If he went outside on his own, he might see those boys. The ones who had ruined him in the first place. The ones who had made him a faggot. 

It got to the point where Eddie didn't even want to leave his house anymore. The only time he went outside was when his mother set up a date between him and Myra. Even then, he wouldn't enjoy himself. They only ever went places like the movies, where nobody would talk to them even if they wanted to. 

Eddie never saw Richie. He hoped the boy wasn't in some sort of trouble. He knew his parents were extremely Christian. What if they had found out about Richie's wavering sexuality? 

It was the days that Eddie thought about Richie a lot where he would have nightmares. He thought about Richie every day, but sometimes it became consuming. Sometimes the boy was all he could think about. Eddie was afraid that he would forget if he was away for too long. 

The summer dragged on, and Eddie got more and more reserved. He had stopped using his inhaler when he had attacks. He would just lay there wheezing until he passed out. Sometimes Myra was there and she triggered the plastic contraption for him. Other times, his mother would find him, and those times he never escaped without a lecture about how his 'medicine' costs money, and money didn't grow on trees. 

One time, Eddie had rather flippantly replied that money was made of paper, and paper did in fact come from trees. All he had received was a smack to the face. He wasn't really surprised. Sonia had never hit her son before, and she immediately got him an ice pack that she forced him to hold there for an hour afterwards, even after his face grew numb. 

Eddie never talked back to his mother again. 

Myra had started getting more and more pushy about physical affection. She was growing needy, and Eddie really didn't like it. He hated kissing her. He hated holding her hand, and always washed them afterwards once she was out of sight. He hated it every time she tried to get him to open his mouth in the middle of a kiss. He had yet to allow her to make out with him. 

Eddie would be lying if he said it was entirely because of the fact that he was a hypochondriac. No, it was mostly because every time she got close he started wishing she was someone else. 

He felt guilty thinking that way. 

Another thing Eddie wished for a lot was that he could actually be straight. He wished he could kiss Myra without wishing it was someone else, a boy, someone who he wasn't allowed to like. 

Eddie knew he was in love. There was no questioning that fact. He had fallen hard, harder than anyone in the world had ever fallen for anyone. He was pretty sure of that, at least. But it wasn't for a girl. Eddie had been in love long before he met Myra. Eddie had been in love since he was ten, since the first time he had gone to the quarry. 

Eddie had been in love ever since that curly-haired little boy had held out his hand and offered to jump with him.


	10. 09

Eddie was turning 14 years old.

His mother had planned his party. If you could even call it that. It was really just a romantic night out with Myra, but instead of him planning it, his mother and girlfriend had put it together themselves.

Eddie had not spoken to Richie or Stan or any of his friends since the day his mother had switched his classes.

Summer vacation had been awful. His mother kept him in the house every day unless Myra was taking him somewhere. She denied the fact that she had anything to be sorry for when he pointed out that summer was for going outside and playing, but she was obviously trying to make up for it by making his favorite things for dinner every time he brought up the subject.

It was Eddie's birthday, and school was going to be in session the next day.

September 3rd, 1959, and Eddie was 14. The day started off just like every other day had started for the past year. At least, nearly a year. It had really been more like just under 10 months. But to Eddie it had felt like an eternity.

He was supposed to be getting better. He hadn't even completed the first step. To this day, Eddie denied to his mother that he was gay. She wasn't happy about it, but she figured that as long as she kept him away from the other queers that called themselves his friends he would get over it whether he admitted to the problem or not.

But Eddie never got over it. He wondered about the kids every day. He wondered if they got taller, or looked any older, even though it hadn't been as long as it felt. He wondered if any of them had gotten girlfriends or boyfriends.

He hoped Stan had finally hooked up with Bill. Maybe Ben and Bev had gotten together, too.

Did Richie have anyone?

The thought made Eddie want to cry. He missed the boy more than he was willing to admit. He missed the stupid jokes, and the annoyingly comfortable hugs. Even the fucking nicknames.

Eds, Spaghetti Man, Eddie Spaghetti, the list went on and on. Eddie would give anything to hear those names again. Hell, he would give up Myra to hear those names again, even though his mother would never forgive him.

Eddie was spiraling downwards and nobody was catching him. If anything, his mother and Myra were just dragging him downwards. They had been the ones who pushed him in the first place. Eddie received daily lectures on what was right and wrong, on what rules he was to follow and how there were lines he was never to cross. 

He was not to be gay. 

He was to turn it off, and forget whatever had started it. 

Eddie's mother had gotten dangerously close to figuring it out when she accused him of standing too close to Richie. He knew she was suspicious still, even as the beginning of the new school year approached. 

The days dragged on longer than ever. Eddie hadn't known he needed his friends this badly. It wasn't even just Richie, it was all of them. He felt like he was missing several important body parts. He could barely bring himself to get up some mornings unless his mother came pounding on his door, which was more often than not. Eventually Eddie would just begin locking himself in and ignoring her shouts, pulling the covers up more snugly. He couldn't bring himself to look Myra in the eyes anymore. He didn't look in the mirror, because he knew he looked exhausted. He looked awful, his hair was messy, and he was paler than even he should be during the summer. He didn't bother putting effort into his clothing. His daily routine consisted of get up only once the hunger is enough that his skinny middle actually started to feel little stabs of pain. Even then, he would snatch a granola bar and go back upstairs. 

He still showered, because he got increasingly aware of what horrors the outside world held. His mother called the germs people. 

He called the germs nonexistent, but his mother was always right. 

Right? 

He wore pajamas all day unless he was going out with Myra, but even then he didn't do his hair up or anything. He threw on a pair of pants and a sweatshirt that would hide his ever-thinning frame, despite the heat. A few times he had actually been afraid he might pass out if he didn't drink some water, but he never did. He made it home before anything had happened. 

Eddie knew it wasn't healthy for him to be acting this way. He didn't want to be acting this way. He wanted to get over it all and be happy, but it was like something was holding him back. Every time he got close to fixing it, and getting up at a normal time, he felt like something physical was holding him back. He just couldn't get up, he was drained, he was fucking exhausted. 

Myra's date night was excruciatingly long. She had convinced some of her friends to sing sappy love songs while they ate dinner at a table lit by candlelight outside in the warm summer air. She had dressed up all nice and even put on some makeup. Eddie knew her outfit was supposed to draw his eye, and figured that was probably the whole point of the timing she had chosen for their dinner. Once the sun started going down, the group of singing people had left to go home. 

How on Earth she had gotten his mother or even her own parents to agree to such a scandalous birthday gift was beyond Eddie, but he wasn't planning on making it happen. He still didn't even want to kiss her, even though he had been forced to so many times under his mother's watchful eyes. He hated every second of it. He constantly fought the urge to wipe his mouth or burst into tears. He made sure to brush his teeth extra long once he was in the clear. 

Eddie was silent as he ate his food. Even if Myra hadn't told him not to talk, Eddie probably would have kept his mouth shut.

It was one of those nights.

One of the nights where he was stuck, one of the nights where he knew that the nightmares were going to come for him. He was thinking too much about his old friends. He didn't want them to slip away from his memory. He somehow knew that would happen if he didn't hold on, which was why he fought so hard to keep them there. They had already started to slip. He couldn't remember exactly what color Bev's eyes were, or which of his friends had a stutter so bad that they had to talk for them sometimes. 

Myra went on about how much she adored him, but he wasn't really listening.

Eddie picked at his food.

He wasn't hungry.

His gaze flitted up to rest on Myra's face. There was a light flush on her cheeks as she finished her speech.

"And... That's why I wanted to be the first to say I love you."

Eddie stared at her, his jaw falling open. She looked nervous, but hopeful as she met his gaze with her own wide-eyed stare. The first thing Eddie felt was guilt. 

He felt so horrible about the fact that she would say that to him because he knew he could never say it back. He was trapped. If he didn't say it back, she would be heartbroken and his mother would be infuriated. If he did, he would just be leading her on. Eddie began to wheeze, hands shaking as he fumbled for his aspirator. He couldn't breathe. He was stuck, he had to say something. He dropped the plastic contraption, a stab of pain going through his chest as he inhaled sharply. Myra chuckled nervously. 

"Sorry, Eddie. I didn't mean to surprise you." He held up a hand to signal that it was okay as he took a big gulp of water, searching for a way to distract from her expectant face. Of course, he landed himself with an actual distraction as most of the water went down the entirely wrong pipe and Eddie choked, before beginning to cough harder than he had ever coughed in his life. 

Myra's eyes flashed with alarm as she got up, flouncing over to pat his back. When he felt her beginning to rub small circles between his shoulder blades, Eddie lost it. 

Some of the tears streaming down his cheeks weren't just from the coughing fit, but he would never admit it. Not even as the smiling face of the idiot he adored flashed before his very eyes. Richie's smiling face flashed in his mind. Eddie remembered Richie the most vividly. His beautiful brown eyes, the vivid freckles that were splashed across his pale face, the way his face always lit up when he was happy. Eddie coughed a few more times, wiping his face vigorously and holding his breath as he swallowed back a sob. He hadn't cried since that night, and we wasn't planning on letting this spiral out of control. 

He felt a strange sense of self-hatred as he let Myra console him, patting his back gently. Why couldn't he just be happy? Why couldn't he be normal? Why did he have to be gay? 

"Maybe we should go in now. It's getting late, and nights are chilly, even in the summer." Eddie nodded absently, clearing the table as they headed inside. Myra had eaten more than enough. Eddie had barely taken a bite, but she didn't seem to notice as she placed the dishes in the dishwasher. 

Eddie shook any remaining thoughts of his friends from his mind, but it was no use. They all just came flooding back as he watched his girlfriend put the movie in the DVR. 

When he sat down on the couch, Myra had already set up the movie and the beginning credits were playing. It was, by the looks of it, some sappy romance movie that Eddie had no intention of paying any attention to. He would probably zone out through the whole thing. 

Unfortunately, Eddie wasn't exactly given the chance to zone out, because throughout the entire first half of the movie, Myra insisted on cuddling. That was how Eddie ended up squashed against the side of the couch with Myra practically draped across him, leaving barely any room for his chest to rise and fall for a little thing called breathing. 

He didn't say anything, but he knew she was getting antsy because she kept shifting around. He very wisely shifted closer to the back of the couch so that she was laying more in front of him rather than on his lap. It didn't do him much good, seeing as the girl practically threw herself at him seconds later. 

She turned faster than he had been aware she was able to do so, her chubby hands inching up his torso to rest on his chest as her face got closer. Before Eddie could say anything, she attacked his mouth with her own, causing his eyes to fly wide opened. He squeezed them shut moments later, beyond uncomfortable and just waiting for it to be over. 

Myra seemed to have different plans, however. She unclipped his fanny pack, and dropped it on the floor next to the couch. Eddie was a little ticked off at the fact that she let it fall so carelessly. There were a lot of things in there that could be damaged easily. But he couldn't even begin to reply, because he could already tell that her goal for the time being was to at least get his mouth opened. 

She was licking his bottom lip teasingly, even going so far as to tug at it with her teeth, but Eddie didn't budge. He felt bad upon hearing her frustrated grunt, but immediately lost any feelings of sympathy towards the girl as she started to undo his belt. Eddie wanted to push her off but there was no way his skinny arms could push a girl that size away. Before he could make a decision, the belt was off, and his shirt was being untucked. Eddie gasped as her sausage fingers crept under the hem, and realized his mistake when her tongue shoved into his parted lips, violating the privacy of his mouth. 

Eddie clutched at the couch with trembling hands, barely choking back a gag as the taste of that night's dinner exploded in his mouth. He hated whatever seasoning she had used. Eddie pulled his face away from the kiss, twisting his head to the side, but in the process, left his neck totally available for her to feast on. He squeaked in surprise when she latched onto his skin, shuddering when her fingers ghosted over his stomach. 

"M - Myra," he managed to choke out, face flushed, and more than just simply upset. "Myra, stop." The girl whined, clutching at his waist from over his shirt. She began lifting it, tearing his shirt from its neatly tucked position and shoved it upwards. Her beefy fingers grazed his stomach, brushing past where a few of his ribs had started poking out. He gasped as her teeth grazed his neck when she dove in once more. 

"Myra, I'm serious. Get off of me." Her eyes flashed with hurt as she pulled away, sitting up. Eddie wiped his neck, making a face when his hand came back wet. He tucked his shirt back in and grabbed his belt, putting it on and tightening it an extra loop more than it had been just to be safe. He picked up his fanny pack, brushing it off. Eddie took a deep breath. Myra had been watching him silently the whole time. He knew he had hurt her feelings. Steeling his nerves, he turned and faced her with a racing heartbeat. 

"Look, Marty..." He hesitated, but shook his head, pressing on. This had to be done. "I think we should break up." Before she could reply, he looked away, and kept talking so he couldn't chicken out upon seeing her expression. 

"I just... I like you, Marty, but not the way you want me to like you. I thought you would help me 'get better', as my mom puts it, but you just made me more desperate. I don't want to be with you physically because you're a girl. It's not because I don't like you. You really are one of my best and closest friends. I just..." He summoned all of his courage. Myra looked on with expectant eyes. To his surprise, she wasn't crying yet. 

"You're a faggot." 

Eddie gaped at her. He wasn't surprised that she had figured it out, but he was surprised at the venom dripping from her words. 

"I know, Eddie. Your mom told me a while ago. I thought I could help you, too. Obviously I couldn't. It's a shame, really. I like you a lot. You're popular with a few of the girls at school, which is no surprise, considering the fact that you really are cute for a kid your size. But you had to go and be a faggot, didn't you, Eddie? Just like your queer friends." Eddie took a step back, nearly tripping over his own feet as he stared at her, mouth hanging opened. He knew she was right, but that didn't stop the fact that it felt like a train was hitting him and running back and forth over his heart. 

"M - Myra, hold on a second -" She interrupted her, and finally she was showing emotion, but Eddie really wished she would go back to being calm. It was like his mother all over again. She fixed him with a withering stare, but it wasn't the anger that hurt him, it was the disgust. The horror, the pure hate. 

"No, Eddie. You're going to let me talk. You're fucking sick, you know that? Go ahead, run off with some guy." Her eyes flashed. "Go run off with Richie." 

Eddie buried his face in his hands, groaning. He was so screwed. Why couldn't he have just been straight? 

"You know what, Myra? I don't care what you think. I don't like Richie!" Eddie flushed, unable to meet her eyes. He had never been a good liar. She knew this, seemingly, because she just frowned deeply. 

"Sure, Eddie. Sure you don't. You don't even have to worry about what your mom is going to think when she hears about this because I'm going to tell the whole school." With that, she gathered herself, got up on her stubby legs and waddled out of the house. Eddie prayed to God that his mother was sleeping, even though he felt crushed. He felt like he deserved another good yelling at. His mother wouldn't beat him, he was too 'fragile', but she would hit him with words. 

He made plans as he walked upstairs to find Richie immediately the next day. He would ask him to catch up after school, and they would go somewhere before Sonia and Myra could find them. Of course, that was assuming the rumors hadn't spread yet. It was assuming that Richie would even want to see him after everything. Maybe he had better find Stan first. 

Eddie got changed and went to bed. 

He was so exhausted that his sleep was dreamless. Not a single nightmare haunted him. Eddie decided to take that as a good sign when he woke up and took a shower, deciding to play it cool in front of his mother and act like nothing had happened. If she mentioned Myra, he would say nothing of the fight. 

Though his sleep had been deep, Eddie had woken up exhausted. Just dragging himself out of bed to take a shower took ten minutes of the precious little time he had to get ready. His hair stuck out at all angles, sopping wet still as he dried off and forced himself to sift through his wardrobe. He stared down at his choices, and settled for a baggy sweatshirt and jeans, despite the heat. He wanted to drown in the clothing and possibly fall asleep. Plus, who knew if the school got chilly? 

Eddie made these excuses to himself, but in reality, he had chosen the sweatshirt because it was Richie's. He had stolen it a few years back, and since he never grew, it stayed big on him. He had been keeping it in his closet since his mother had broken him up with his friends because he was afraid that if he wore it too often, it would stop smelling like his best friend. 

As he slipped the sweatshirt on, he inhaled the fading smell and was greeted by a rush of desperate and overwhelming want. He sighed. Pathetic, he teased himself, grimacing a little bit. He was going to see Richie later that day, if all went well. Eddie brightened, before deflating again and reminding himself that Myra was definitely going to ruin any chance he had at rekindling his friendship with his old friend. He glanced at the clock and realized that he had taken so long to get up and take his shower that he didn't really have time to do his hair. 

He groaned, drying it off as best as he could with his towel, and running his fingers through it. It remained sticking up a tiny bit in a few places, which was annoying, but there wasn't much that Eddie could do. He was already going to be a few minutes late as it was. He threw on a pair of jeans, throwing his backpack over one shoulder and thundering down the stairs. He tied his shoes clumsily, before scarfing down a piece of bread without even toasting it. He brushed his teeth, and ran out the door. 

His mother had taken a lot of convincing, but she agreed to let him try riding his bike to school this year. The high school was closer than the middle school had been, anyway, and he didn't have to take any main roads to get there. 

The only thing that she didn't know was that Eddie would have to bike down Richie's street to get there. 

His heart picked up it's pace as he turned onto his best friend's road. Richie lived closer to the end of the street. Eddie couldn't help but wonder if the boy had already left for school, or if he would see him go by. He was a bit disappointed when he flashed by the house, and absolutely nothing happened. He wasn't sure what he had been expecting, but he supposed he would just see Richie later, even if it was just a glimpse in the hallway. 

Eddie was more than excited to see the rest of his friends, too. Especially Stan. He had missed Stan more than the others, as awful as that sounded, but Stan had always been his closest friend out of any of the losers. Besides Richie, of course. 

As Eddie turned into the parking lot of the school, his heart skipped a beat. He could already see some of his friends. He shoved his bike into the bike rack, locking it up as fast as he could. When he lifted his head, he saw Stan disappearing into the building. Eddie rushed after him, filled with eager anticipation as he entered the school. He barely paid any attention to the interior as he ran after his friend. 

"Stan!" He grabbed the boy's arm. He spun around, eyes flying wide when they settled upon Eddie. 

"Eddie?" Stan broke into a smile and pulled Eddie into an embrace, which surprised the boy, seeing as Stan had never really been much of a hugger. But he returned the gesture fiercely, his grip as tight as it could be. 

"How have you been? God, I can't believe it took this long for my mom to get off my case, you have no idea how great it is to see you." Eddie pulled back, grinning from ear to ear. 

"I'm doing fine. It's good to see you too, Eddie! Gosh, you haven't changed at all." Eddie flushed, looking down at himself. He really hadn't changed. "If anything, you just look exhausted. Kind of paler." He frowned. Did he really look that bad? He felt self-conscious, glancing around at the other kids. A few of them were looking. There was a whisper, then two more, then even more, and it started roaring around him and Eddie realized he had forgotten his fanny pack and oh god he didn't think the nurse had a spare aspirator yet-

"Yeah, well, I guess being under house arrest is kind of tiring. The only time I was ever allowed to leave was if Myra was taking me somewhere." He mentioned Myra offhandedly, but inwardly he was hit with a wave of anxiety. Had she already told the school? Was that why they were whispering, or was it just his anxiety? What if his mother tried to pull him from his classes again? 

"How is Myra? Are you two still doing good?" Stan had raised his eyebrows. Eddie fiddled with his sleeves uncomfortably. He had forgotten that Stan had figured out his feelings towards Richie. 

"I actually... Kind of wanted to talk to you about that," he confessed. "She kind of did something that I wasn't expecting and I don't know what to do about it." Eddie was trying not to look miserable, but he didn't think he was doing a very good job. 

"Alright, we can talk. I don't think we have time now, but maybe before lunch?" Eddie practically threw himself at Stan and crushed him in another hug. He was closing in on himself in his mind because he knew the rumors would spread by lunch time but he didn't want to press. 

"Thanks, Stanny. You always make me feel better." Stan chuckled quietly, detangling himself from Eddie, who saw his lips twitch upwards into a rather mischievous smile. 

"Say, if I remember correctly, there is another certain someone you might be excited to see as well." He wiggled his eyebrows. Eddie tried to glare, but he couldn't fight back a huge smile. 

"Of course. I'm excited to see everyone, obviously. Do you know where they are? You guys didn't fall apart without me, right?" Stan laughed, shaking his head. 

"Of course not, Eddie. If anything, we just got closer. We didn't want to let anyone else escape. Ben and Bev got together." It was Eddie's turn to wiggle his eyebrows as a new thought surfaced in his mind. 

"What about you and Bill?" Stan blushed, closing his eyes for a brief moment. Eddie laughed at his reaction, following the boy as he turned and began walking away. 

"Bill and I are... Good." Stan got a far away look in his eyes as he replied, and he had started smiling. 

"So you're finally dating, is that it?" Eddie teased, nudging his friend's arm. Stan nodded, and Eddie chuckled. He looked like a girl talking about her crush on an upperclassman. 

"Yeah, yeah, laugh all you want. Don't forget that I know about your little secret involving a certain member of our friend group!" Eddie flushed, and his heart nearly stopped when a loud voice sounded next to his hear and an arm slipped around his waist. 

"What secret, and which friend does it involve?" Richie Tozier himself had situated himself between Stan and Eddie, falling into step beside both of them with a lazy grin. If Eddie turned his head just a little bit, he would get the first good look he would have had of the boy in months. 

Swallowing hard, Eddie turned to look up at Richie. 

He looked exactly the same, save for the slight change in clothing style. His hair had gotten a little bit longer, too, but it wasn't a crazy length. His wild curls framed his freckled face, just like usual. Thick glasses rested on his pale nose and those same old deep brown eyes stared right back at Eddie as the boy admired his best friend. It took him a minute to register the fact that Richie had asked a question and he still hadn't replied. 

"Nothing!" He blushed furiously, looking away again and pushing Richie's arm away from his waist. 

"Wow, Eddie. I'm so offended." The shorter boy snorted, rolling his yes. "No, really! I haven't seen you since the beginning of last year, and you're already keeping secrets from me!" The trio walked around the corner, and Eddie spotted Bill, Bev and Ben standing around a locker on the edge of the hallway. 

"Shut up, you idiot," Eddie grumbled, slowing his pace as Stan jogged up ahead to meet Bill. Richie paused beside him, turning to fully face him. Eddie stared up, and so many words swarmed his mind. He couldn't decide what to say first. There was a weird expression in Richie's eyes. He was looking at Eddie with this strange intensity, almost like he wanted him to speak first. 

"I missed you," Richie stated simply. But his expression said everything else. Eddie took a hesitant step forward, wrapping his arms hesitantly around Richie as he pulled him into a gentle hug. He sniffled, holding back tears of pure happiness as he breathed in his old friend's welcoming smell and felt those long arms wrap right back around him. Eddie would never admit it, but a few tears might have fallen when Richie rubbed a few circles onto the small of his back, and in that one moment, the whispers Eddie had been hearing earlier were all gone. All he was aware of was the feeling of being so close again. 

"I missed you too." Eddie pulled back with a smile, rubbing his eyes furiously. Richie laughed, ruffling Eddie's already messy hair. 

"You look cute today, Eds. Say... Isn't that my sweatshirt?" Eddie blushed furiously, smacking his hand away from his head. 

"Shut up!"


	11. 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are gonna start getting spicy soon... I’m toying with the idea of adding smut but I’m not sure. I have the chapter written in case I decide to go for it but we’ll see. I’ve never written smut before so I might just discard it. Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter! I’m not sorry.

Homeroom lasted longer that day because it was the first day of school. The classes were shortened, as well, since they had to fit them all in one day. Usually they would have just five out of seven, so it was a bit of a squeeze to fit them all in there. Luckily, the most they had to do was have course expectations handed out and get to know each other. 

Up until lunch, there were three periods. Eddie had Health, English, and Math that day. So far, Myra was only in his Health class, which he was alright with. He'd like to see her expression when the teacher talked about healthy diets and whatnot, seeing as Eddie knew very well that if she really had one she would be less than half of the size she was now. 

Stan was also in his Heath block, as well as his Math class. They had compared schedules when they all met up around Bill's locker. Richie was in his English class, just like he had been the last year before Eddie's schedule had changed. By the time second period had rolled around, Eddie had seen Myra whispering to a few different people who all looked at him a few moments later with expressions of disbelief that were usually followed by disgust and he was pretty sure he had heard a few 'are you sure?'s mixed in there as well. He knew the news had spread, because the second he walked into the English classroom, all eyes were on him. Richie wasn't there yet. Eddie walked slowly, keeping his gaze on his own two feet as he approached an empty desk at the front of the classroom. 

Upon turning his back and sitting down, there were immediately a few hushed whispers. A lot of the kids were from his first period class, and he knew what they were probably talking about. When Richie walked in, Eddie wanted to walk right by him and out the door. He thrust his hand into the air, his face becoming a light pink shade as he hurriedly asked to go to the bathroom. The teacher looked at him with slight concern at his frantic behavior but let him go as long as he signed out and took a pass. Eddie brushed past Richie without looking at him and wrote his name quickly, messily scrawling down the time right beside it before taking a pass and dashing out the door. He wasn't exactly sure what he was doing, since he had to go back eventually. He just didn't want to be in there when someone told his best friend the news that would likely ruin their friendship. 

He walked into the bathroom and silently thanked God that it was empty, locking himself in the biggest stall and resting his forehead on the cold metal door. He ran a hand through his still slightly damp and still very messy hair. 

Not only was he being outed on the first day of school, but he also looked ridiculous. He closed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths as he checked his watch. He had only been gone for two minutes. He could probably get away with ten minutes before the teacher got concerned if it had been further in the year, but classes were short. He would have to go back by the five minute mark. He buried his face in his hands, heart racing. How was he going to look at Richie when he walked back into the room? 

Maybe he wouldn't have to. Maybe he could just pretend Richie didn't exist. After all, that was probably what Richie was going to do after a few harsh words. No way Richie would want to stay his friend. 

Eddie walked out of the stall and splashed a bit of water on his face, wiping it off with a paper towel before he walked back out of the bathroom, the tips of his hair dripping from the slight dousing they had received from the sink. 

When Eddie prepared to walk back inside, he had been sure he wasn't going to look at his friend. 

But that was kind of hard when he had chosen to sit in the seat next to him. It was especially hard when those huge eyes were staring at him already. Eddie couldn't look away. Everyone in the room seemed to be holding their breath, even the teacher. Eddie hesitated, trudging towards his seat as he unwillingly searched Richie's gaze. But it was like nothing had changed. The freckled boy just smiled, and even waved at him. There was a part of Eddie that wanted to cry, but another part of him hoped that perhaps nobody had told him yet. 

He sat down in his seat and there was a collective breath from everyone there as the teacher straightened up, clearing her throat and continuing her expectations list. Eddie tore his gaze away from Richie and began flipping through the tiny packet. Of course, he needed a parent signature. There was no way his mother was going to be calm when he got home. Myra was always driven home, she would call Sonia before Eddie even got halfway home. He'd have to find an excuse not to go home immediately. He could always hang out in the park before he went. 

Eddie felt a wave of sudden hopelessness. He knew there was no getting rid of the way he felt. His mother had tried so hard to take care of him and he was letting her down. He lowered his head, gaze looking right through the paper on his desk. He tuned the teacher out, lost in his own mind. 

No matter what he did, how he acted, he always messed up eventually. He couldn't have just had sex with Myra, could he? Why? Why did he have to be so stubborn? Why had he fallen so hard for someone it was impossible to be with? 

Richie was a fucking idiot, he didn't know when to shut his mouth, and he constantly teased Eddie. Why was he the one that Eddie had fallen for? Why couldn't he have liked a girl, or at least a nice boy? Someone who wouldn't laugh at him, or probably hate him because a guy liking him would ruin his reputation with the girls or something stupid like that? 

Eddie despised himself, there was no doubt about that. He clutched his pencil tightly, so hard that his knuckles were turning white. 

He was vaguely aware of the fact that most of the kids in the room were shuffling about, picking up their stuff and getting ready to leave. He remained lost in thought until he felt a hand on his shoulder and nearly jumped out of his own skin as he looked up to see Richie grinning down at him. It wasn't one of his usual smiles, though. The boy's eyes held something more. 

He looked concerned, but that wasn't what was bothering Eddie. It was the knowing smile on Richie's face as he saw Eddie's face steadily grow darker and darker. Eddie's heart clenched, cold horror settling in the pit of his stomach. He didn't even register that Richie was trying to talk to him, he was too busy jumping up from his seat and gathering his stuff as fast as possible. He heart Richie calling his name faintly as he barged through a group of students, throwing a half-assed apology over his shoulder as he made a mad dash for Math. He thought he heard footstep behind him, but when he looked behind himself and saw nobody chasing him, he allowed a slow in his own pace. He entered his next classroom with a sigh of relief, immediately walking over to Stan who sat in the front like he had in Health. 

When Stan looked up, Eddie knew he had heard. The curly-haired boy's eyes flashed with immediate concern as Eddie slumped down into his seat, bag falling to the ground beside his chair with a loud thump. Eddie felt his old friend's hand pat his back awkwardly as he buried his face into his arms. 

The class was the same as the rest. Hushed whispers as the rumors spread. Not all of them were about Eddie, but as the last period before lunch drew to a close, Eddie heard at least three about himself. Many people seemed to be claiming that he had confided in them about his desire to be with Richie. In fact, a lot of them included his more 'intimate' needs, which were all false, because Eddie hadn't ever talked to anyone about that kind of stuff. Not even Myra, which was the main reason she had just gone for it. 

Stan walked with him towards the cafeteria, but Eddie reminded him that he wanted to talk, so they hung back and waited for the hallways to empty out. 

"So what exactly happened, and why is everyone talking about you and Richie?" Stan had put his backpack down and was leaning against the wall, looking at Eddie with a sad smile. Eddie sighed, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably. 

"Last night, Myra got it into her head that I would be willing to... Y'know..." He blushed, looking down. "She wanted my birthday present to be her. If you get what I'm saying." When Stan nodded with a slightly disturbed expression, Eddie managed a feeble laugh, and continued. 

"Anyway, I said no. She got really offended. Called me a fag, told me I was going to burn in hell. She was really upset, Stanny. My mom told her everything she had been suspecting. Myra, she figured out that I had been using her to try and convert myself. She was hurt." Eddie shook his head, looking away as he took a moment to compose himself. He wasn't going to cry over it again, not now. 

"I really hate myself, Stan." The second the words left his lips, Eddie regretted it. The look of horror on Stan's face at hearing him say it made him want to run home and just lock himself up until he starved to death. Eddie took a deep breath, looking down. 

"I feel so guilty for everything I'm putting them through. My mom has always gone through so much trouble to make sure I'm safe, and healthy. Myra was always so kind to me, too. She was pushy, and both of them were fussy, but they cared so much. I wish I was different, I wish I wasn't... You know." Stan was shaking his head. 

"No, Eddie. You are the one who's being put through shit. Here, look at it this way." Stan smiled sheepishly, gesturing towards the cafeteria. Eddie could see the back of Bill's head sitting at a table through one of the windows. "Do you think it's wrong for Bill and I to be together because we're boys?" Eddie shook his head vigorously. 

"Of course not." Stan raised his eyebrows, shrugging. 

"So why is it any different for you to like boys?" Eddie struggled to answer the question, mind reeling. 

"I - It's just different. Bill's parents don't pay enough attention to him anymore to care, and your parents love you too much to kick you out or anything." Stan laughed, actually laughed. Eddie frowned, confused. 

"I missed you, Eddie. You really are clueless. You just said yourself that you're guilty because your mom has always cared and taken such good care of you. If she loves you so much, why would she do this? It isn't right." Eddie fell silent, and knew he was right. He needed to stop letting his mother control his life. 

"I'm scared, Stanny. I don't know what she'll do if I admit it." Eddie couldn't hold back the tears now. A few fell down his cheeks, leaving glistening streaks over his lightly freckled skin. "Richie has definitely heard all about it by now, too. How am I supposed to walk in there and talk to him now? He's going to hate me." 

"Eddie Kaspbrak, I never expected you of all people to be so stupid. Remember when I told you last summer that both you and Richie needed to look beyond your own noses? This is exactly what I'm talking about. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were the one who needed glasses." Stan chuckled, taking a step forward and wiping Eddie's cheeks to clear the tears away before briskly running his fingers through his friend's hair to try and make it lay flat. He obviously wasn't having much luck, which coaxed a small smile onto Eddie's face. But he was still confused about what Stan meant. 

"I don't understand," Eddie said, voicing his thoughts. Stan sighed, exasperated. 

"Eddie, you know that all of our friends had no clue you were gay, right?" Eddie nodded, so Stan continued. "Well, everyone has always known that Richie liked boys, except for you. We knew because that kid could never keep his hands to himself when it came to one person. It was you. He could never stop looking, or smiling, or 'accidentally' touching your arms and hands and face. Everyone in the Losers Club knows that Richie's got it bad. You're the only one who was too busy convincing yourself otherwise to see the fact that he's obviously off the deep end. I don't even think he knows it yet, to be honest." Eddie's heart picked up speed as Stan picked up his bag and grabbed Eddie's wrist, tugging him towards the cafeteria doors. 

Before Eddie could fully process what Stan had said he was shoved down into a seat and an arm was snaking around his waist, pulling him further along the bench. Eddie squeaked in surprise as his back hit a solid surface and he was suddenly enveloped in Richie's scent as the boy's face dropped right beside his ear, causing his face to turn a bright shade of red. All of the losers were eyeing them with great anticipation, but neither of them noticed. 

"Hey, Eds. Nice of you to drop by! We thought you and Stan the Man weren't gonna show." Eddie struggled to free himself from Richie's arms, but the boy just tightened his grip, so Eddie gave up and settled for becoming dead weight in his arms. 

He pulled his lunchbox out, removing his sandwich. He could feel Richie leaning closer, which he chose to ignore, since he was starving and food came over his love life at the moment. He had deprived himself of proper meals for too long. Before Eddie could take a bite, a cheek brushed against his and there was a bite missing from his meal. Eddie sat there with his sandwich halfway to his mouth and his jaw hanging. 

"Man, Eds, your mom makes a mean sammich." Richie chewed noisily in Eddie's ear while the boy tried to process what had just occurred. He looked down at the bite in his food, shocked into silence for a few more brief moments. He turned his head to see Richie swallow and then look back with a shit-eating grin. 

"What the fuck Richard." 

It was more of a statement than a question as Eddie tried once again to detangle himself from Richie's arms, but to no avail. Stan was looking at him with raised eyebrows, and he had 'I told you so' written all over his face. Eddie flushed, glaring at him as he held his sandwich out of reach of the boy behind him. 

"I want to talk to you later, though. For real. It's important." Eddie felt his heart stop for a second as dread weighed his stomach down like lead. With that, Richie leaned back, but he didn't let go. Eddie was pulled back with him and eventually had to start scooting, as he saw no escape. 

The rest of lunch consisted of giving Richie the rest of his sandwich, partially because he had lost his appetite due to anxiety, and partly because the boy had already contaminated it with his saliva (though Eddie guiltily thought that he wouldn't mind sharing saliva with said boy). 

It was weird how much better Eddie felt being back with everyone. 

He remembered that just the day before it had been so hard for him to get up and stay awake all day, but it felt like everything had just suddenly clicked back into place. He felt like a better person around his friends. More confident, in a way. He felt like he actually had a chance at standing up to Myra and his mother. 

Of course, that all changed as last period came to a close. Eddie packed his stuff up, barely watching where he was going as he walked outside. Richie had asked to meet him at the park near the baseball field. As he walked through the hallways, trying to follow the crowd to the way out, a sharp tug from behind sent him flying backwards. He landed on his butt, falling back and nearly hitting his head on the floor. His backpack kept him elevated enough that it just snapped back slightly, but it hurt, nonetheless. 

Eddie looked up to see Henry Bowers standing above him. For a split second he saw a wavering image of Belch, and possibly even Patrick standing behind him, but then it was gone with a blink of the eye. Eddie gasped for breath, head pounding as he scooted backwards across the floor. A small crowd had formed around them. Henry was crazy, and Eddie didn't know how he was still in school. Eddie didn't know how he was still in town, either, now that he thought about it. He supposed it was because all of the adults were scared of him, too. He didn't stoop to them at all. 

"Hey, Rock Man. Long time no see, yeah? I heard you're queer for the Trashmouth. Do you know what I do to freaks like you?" Eddie pushed himself further backwards, but he was at the edge of the circle being formed around the scene. He couldn't get any further away unless people moved, and seeing as more kids in the school were religious than not, he doubted that was happening any time soon. 

Henry grabbed Eddie by the collar of his shirt and pulled him to his feet, even managing to lift him up a little so only his tip-toes were brushing the ground. Eddie began wheezing as his chest and throat tightened. He grasped at Henry's wrists, kicking his legs out, but he couldn't do much besides kick weakly at Henry's knees which didn't help. 

"Your little negro friend isn't here to help you this time, you asthmatic freak. A little birdie told me that you haven't been hanging around your usual friends, either. Who's going to save you this time?" Henry laughed, and the sea of students parted as he tossed Eddie aside, sending him stumbling up against the lockers. He barely kept himself from sliding downwards as pain collided in his shoulder, and all the breath rushed from his lungs. Tears stung Eddie's eyes as he looked up at the boy who was reigning down on him with such power and horrifying confidence. 

"I ought to teach you what it feels like to get pounded in the head with a rock!" Henry practically screamed, landing a hit on the side of Eddie's head. There were a few cheers that were drowned out by the blood roaring in Eddie's ears as he was dragged backwards by his backpack out of the school. Henry threw him to the ground and crouched, picking up a large rock. 

"Isn't that funny, Wheezy Boy? This one here has your name on it!" Eddie's mouth fell open in a silent scream as the boy wound up. He scrambled backwards, but he didn't move his hands fast enough. The stone hit his forehead just above the eye. Any closer and it would have been so much worse. There was a warm, sticky substance dripping down into Eddie's left eye as he fell backwards, in too much of a pained daze as his head pounded with excruciating pain. His entire face was on fire, but he wasn't blushing. He was vaguely aware of the fact that Henry was standing over him, but his vision was blurry and unfocused. There were a few muffled screams. 

Everything came to a halt as a body broke away from the crowd of kids and slammed right into Bowers, causing him to stagger. 

"G - G - Guh - Get the h - h - h - hell away from him, B - B - Buh - Buh - Bowers!" A few more masses ran forward. There was a flash of bright red hair. A larger blob with a messy mop of light brown hair. Light, bouncy curls. Then, last of all, there was black curls, wild and... 

Dangling in Eddie's face? 

Richie was talking to Eddie, his dark brown eyes wide and frantic. Suddenly, Eddie could hear again. 

"- oh my God, Eds, come on, we're gonna get you out of here!" Eddie was yanked to his feet, and he finally forced himself to move, leaning on Richie as he moved his shaking legs. He ran, steadily relying less and less on Richie's support until they reached the bike racks. Eddie grabbed his bike, throwing one leg over and peddling like mad. Blood from his forehead made his vision run red, but he just blinked the liquid away as best he could and kept going. He could hear whoops and shouts of laughter from his friends as well as screams of anger as Bowers chased them. 

"He's gonna find us if we don't haul ass and get to someone's house!" Bev was riding Bill's double, but she didn't exactly weigh him down. 

"My parents are at work, so my house is up for grabs." Ben was huffing as he tried to keep up, but God bless him, for he kept up his pace for the whole ride. Thankfully, his house wasn't too far away. Eddie stumbled off of his bike, knees buckling as soon as he tried to stand up. Stan had already gotten off his bike, and caught him as he fell, yelling out for help. 

Eddie was barely paying any attention to what anyone was saying. 

His head still ached, and he was shaking like hell, but that wasn't why he was distracted. He was devastated about what had been said. Especially since Bowers had put it on as a show for the whole school. If Richie hadn't known before, he definitely knew now. Eddie let his friends drag him into the house and he had a strong sense of deja vu as he was laid down in the bathroom so that they could patch him up. He didn't bother complaining, even though he felt that he deserved to be the one picking up his own pieces. He started crying at some point, he couldn't remember when. 

Maybe it had been when Henry first confronted him. Maybe it had been on the bike ride back. Maybe it had been when they were cleaning him up. 

All Eddie knew was that someone had taken hold of his hand the second they found the chance and they hadn't let go yet. Someone with long, slender fingers who rubbed their thumb in circles on the back of his hand, lacing their fingers together the way couples did. Eddie didn't want to look because he was afraid the person would go away. He was afraid Richie would let go and never do it again. 

After they put a big band-aid on Eddie's forehead, his friends had helped him up so he could sit somewhere more comfortable. He requested the living room, so they all agreed, and Ben offered to put on a movie. Eddie had accepted, but made him promise not to do anything too action-packed or scary. They ended up playing a romance movie. It was the same one that had been playing the night before when Myra had broken up with him, but Eddie couldn't find it in him to complain because he watched as Bill and Stan sat down and cuddled up together, then Ben and Bev, and he leaned back against the cushions. 

He was still crying, but his friends had the decency to leave him alone about it. Except Richie, of course. The idiot had grabbed his hand the second he sat down on the couch and even sat down next to him so he could continue holding it. 

So that was how Eddie ended up cuddling with Richie Tozier himself, and he found that he could actually enjoy the movie. 

But what he enjoyed even more was the soft squeeze of his best friend's hand and the way those long fingers curled gently through his messy hair, tugging softly in all of the exact right places.


	12. 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tossed the smut. It was awkward and out of place. This is a clean book. For now.

Eddie and Richie danced around each other for a solid week after that. 

In the figurative way, of course. 

Henry had tried to stir up more trouble, but the group of friends had forged a buddy system that ensured they were all with someone else at all times and so far they had managed to escape without any incidents. Eddie's forehead still had a nasty bruise, but the bump had gone down. He had stopped wearing a band-aid over it once the actual cut itself had mostly closed up. 

Eddie had taken great care to make sure it stayed clean, and healed the way it was supposed to. When he had gone home that night it had been disastrous, like he had expected. His mother had gotten a call from Myra, like promised, and she was not happy. Eddie sat though her loud and head-piercing lecture about how homosexuality was a sin, then sat through her slightly shorter but slightly louder fussing about his new injury. 

She hadn't threatened to change his classes yet, which surprised Eddie, but he knew better than to say anything. He kept his head down and just nodded along with what she said. 

It hurt him to hear her say such things, but he didn't see any other choice. If he fought back she would just take away the one thread that was still holding it together. So once she was done, Eddie walked up to his room and got ready for bed in silence. 

He didn't cry until he was safe under his covers where his sobs could be muffled by a pillow. 

Guilt and shame pooled in his chest and they were such heavy feelings that Eddie found it hard to breathe. His aspirator didn't even help at all. He wondered if he should be trying harder to fix himself, but then shook his head and reminded himself of what Stan said. 

There was nothing to be fixed. There was nothing wrong with Stan and Bill, so there was nothing wrong with him, either. 

Eddie felt a little better, but he still had nightmares that night. 

The losers hung out with Mike this time over the weekend, and for the entire week of school the most conversation Eddie allowed Richie to make with him were a few words before and after classes. Richie bothered him during lunch, which Eddie allowed, but he didn't want the boy to feel obligated to get closer to him just because of something he had found out. 

Speaking of finding things out, Richie had found out. 

That was the main reason Eddie was avoiding the boy. Sure, they held hands at Ben's house, but Eddie felt guilty about that too. He was terrified that the boy felt like he owed it to him to be more affectionate. He hadn't even looked Richie straight in the eye since the first day of school. 

He could tell Stan was getting frustrated with him by the subtle looks or shakes of the head, but Eddie couldn't help it. He knew Stan had told him Richie liked him, but he just couldn't see it. It didn't make sense to him why the boy of his dreams, the idiot who could never keep his mouth shut, even when kissing someone, would ever like someone like him. 

"When your mom pulled you out of the picture, Richie didn't touch another person all year. He hasn't touched a person yet this year. In fact, he's complaining about all the girls who keep leaving him notes in his locker that offer anything." Stan had confided this information in Eddie at the end of their first full week of school as they walked outside to wait for everyone else. Bill was nodding with a small smile tugging at his lips. 

"Y - Y - Yuh - Yuh - You know, Eddie, R - R - R - Ruh - Richie has been eye f - f - f - f - fuh - fuh - fucking you for a w - w - wuh - week now.." Bill smirked as Eddie's entire face turned bright red. He covered his cheeks with his hands, glaring at his two friends who just grinned with knowing looks. God, they could be twins. Eddie pushed the thought from his mind as he saw Stan's hand gently intertwine with Bill's, deciding that they most certainly were not twins, but lovers. Definitely lovers. 

"Of course he hasn't been eye-fucking me!" Eddie realized he had spoken loudly, and received a few weird looks, but nobody said anything. Suddenly, his backpack was tugged off and a pair of arms looped around his waist, pulling him back into an embrace. Eddie flushed, struggling to break away, but to no avail. If anything, Richie just hugged him tighter. 

"Who are we talking about? Is someone sexualizing my Spaghetti?" Bill looked like he was trying not to laugh at the expression of pure horror that covered Eddie's face as he realized Richie had heard him. Stan snickered. 

"You are, Richie. You should see the way you've been looking at him lately. You're like Ben used to be before he started dating Bev. Trailing after him like a puppy, pining for him, but you don't ever do anything about it. Remember how long it took for Bev to finally get the hint?" Eddie had covered his face once more, allowing himself to become dead weight in Richie's arms, but the boy didn't seem to mind. He just leaned back against the wall of the school and pulled Eddie back so he was leaning against him, arms remaining where they were so he wouldn't slide downwards to the ground. 

"Shh, Stan, don't give away my secret! Eddie might hear you. He can't know that I have sexual fantasies about him, he'll freak out!" Eddie choked on air, wrenching himself away from the boy who was now laughing hysterically, but his face was tinged red. Eddie thought for a split second that he might have been serious. His gaze met Richie's and all the breath left his lungs as the boy smiled broadly, tilting his head a little like he used to. He really hadn't changed much at all. 

"I f - f - f - fuh - feel like we should l - l - l - l - leave," Bill said, smiling as well. Stan happily squeezed his boyfriend's hand and pulled him away towards the bike racks. Pausing for a minute, Bill yelled back over his shoulder. 

"D - D - D - Don't forget, sleepover at m - m - my house tonight!" 

Eddie was busy trying to cool down his cheeks, but his hands were hot too, so it wasn't really helping. He puffed out his cheeks, biting his lip as he glanced around nervously. The rumors had died a considerable amount, but he still got dirty looks in the hallways. Sometimes a few of the quieter boys would approach him and ask him how he knew he was gay while fidgeting nervously. Eddie usually felt bad, so he just told them the truth - He had liked a boy, and he had never liked a girl. Not even the one he dated for a year. 

Eddie looked up at Richie shyly, noting the way that his friend's smile hadn't even wavered a little bit even as he put some distance between them. 

"What do you say, Eds? How about a trip down memory lane? Let's just you and me go hang out at the Clubhouse before we head to Bill's." Eddie nodded slowly, a little nervous at the idea of being alone with the other boy. Richie still hadn't asked him to talk about anything yet. He was afraid of how the conversation was going to go. He got on his bike and followed close behind Richie. 

Throughout the bike ride, Eddie found himself reciting facts about his friends to himself. 

Bev has blue eyes. Remember that, now. 

Bill is the one who stutters. Stuttering Bill, who's brother was avenged just a few years ago. 

Mike saved him from Henry Bowers. 

Ben came up with the idea of how to structure the dam they made, and he made sure it held up. 

Stan was his best friend in the entire world besides Richie. He was Jewish, and he loved bird watching. 

 

And Richie. Richie was the Trashmouth. Richie never shut up. Richie made mom jokes, and called Eddie nicknames that he hated yet loved at the same time, and constantly poked fun at everyone. Eddie loved Richie, and he loved him a lot. 

 

When they got to the bridge where the hid their bikes, it hit Eddie like a bag of bricks. 

They had entered the sewers through a pipe down in these barrens. It hadn't been so horrifying to him just a summer after, but it had been two years. Eddie could barely remember how many turns they had made, he couldn't remember what It looked like besides when it was in it's clown or leper form. But being here after not looking back for nearly a year was seriously scary business. Eddie shoved his bike next to Richie's, and turned to look at the little system they had created that summer two years ago. 

There was a tree stump surrounded by seven rocks. Each rock had a loser's initials on it. If your rock was on the stump, that meant you were somewhere in the barrens. Usually people were in the clubhouse unless everyone was there. Eddie picked up his rock out of habit and weighed it out in his hands. Was it him, or did it feel smaller than it had? Did it feel lighter? He put it on the stump, watching Richie do the same. They walked together through the trees. Eddie held his breath every time Richie's hand brushed against his and every time he could feel the other boy looking at him. 

They reached the little area where the clubhouse was and Richie dug around through the fallen leaves before finding the hatch and lifting it opened. He hopped inside. Eddie peered downwards, hearing Richie chuckle. He knew the boy was holding out his arms so when he jumped down, he would be caught. Sure enough, thin arms wrapped around his skinny frame and lingered for a moment, as if feeling how thin he really was. After a brief minute of hesitation, Richie reached up and swung the door closed. The only source of light was the little hole in the corner, but it was dim because of the layer of leaves covering it. 

Here it came. The moment Eddie had been putting off for a week through calculated avoidance and purposeful silence. 

"Why are you so thin, Eddie? I mean, you've always been skinny, but I can feel your ribs and it never used to be that way." Eddie was a bit surprised at the question. He had been expecting a much different conversation. He shrugged, before realizing that Richie couldn't see him, so he scooted closer to where he could hear his friend's breathing. A hand brushed against his arm, curling around it and guiding him so he could lean back against a chest which rose and fell steadily beneath him. Eddie paused to acknowledge the fact that he was, in fact, sitting between Richie's legs. He was very glad it was dark in there. 

"Because I stayed inside all summer and didn't get up unless I had to so I didn't eat a lot." His heart skipped a beat as he felt one hand lodge itself in his hair and the other creep down his arm to brush against his own hand which was resting on his thigh. Fingers ghosted across his palm before Richie was holding his hand again in the same couple-y way that he had back at Ben's house. 

"Why'd you do that?" 

"Because..." Eddie trailed off, feeling ridiculous and guilty. It was selfish of him to have done that. "Because not being with you guys made life not worth living the way it's supposed to be lived, I guess. If that makes any sense. It felt like an all or nothing situation, and I had nothing. Without you guys, it's like I can't function. I tried to get up sometimes, but I just couldn't. Ever since I'm back around you all it's back to normal, though. I even started liking myself a little more." Eddie blushed, feeling silly. But Richie didn't falter in his actions, his fingers massaging Eddie's scalp gently as his thumb brushed along Eddie's knuckles. 

"If you feel like that again, don't listen to that old hag. You come find me, okay?" Eddie didn't like how serious Richie sounded. He wanted him to crack a joke or something. 

"Okay, Richie." He felt the slightly older boy relax a bit, squeezing Eddie's hand. He squeezed back feebly, but Richie seemed satisfied. They sat in silence for a few minutes, just enjoying the company of each other. Eddie knew he couldn't keep running away. It had to be addressed eventually. 

"Richie, you said you wanted to talk to me last week. We were supposed to meet in the park, but then the whole thing with Bowers happened, and we haven't talked a lot since." Richie laughed, which confused Eddie a little bit. 

"Correction, my dear Spaghetti. You didn't talk. I tried to converse with you, but you've been avoiding me. Stan and Bill must've said something pretty interesting if you agreed to come here alone with me. Did it, perhaps, have anything to do with their claims that I've been eye-fucking you?" Eddie gasped as Richie's lips pressed against his ear and he spoke in a low tone. He stiffened as the boy laughed, but it was deeper than his normal laugh. 

"Sorry, Richie, I just -" Eddie was cut off by another sharp intake of breath as Richie nibbled on his earlobe, successfully distracting him from what he had been about to say. He struggled to gather his thoughts, pressing onward. "I didn't want you to feel like you owed something to me, I guess..." Eddie allowed his eyes to flutter shut. He shouldn't be enjoying this as much as he was, but Richie was so intoxicating. The taller boy had taken his hand from Eddie's hair and was fiddling with the collar of his shirt, shifting the fabric up and down across his stomach. 

"Why would I feel like I owed something to you?" It was a genuine question, Eddie supposed. 

"I dunno. You figured out that I.." He trailed off, capturing Richie's distracting hands in his own and halfheartedly pushing them away. "Everyone was talking about how I had this big crush on you. Have," he corrected, his heart racing. "Have this big crush on you. I just didn't want you to feel obligated to do something about it because we were friends, or whatever." Richie was still for a minute before he pulled his hands away from Eddie's and clasped them together, still looped around Eddie's waist. 

"Come on, Eds. I don't do anything I don't want to do, you know me. I'm confused about all of this, if I'm honest with you," he confessed. He had started absently playing with Eddie's shirt again, but this time the brunette didn't stop him. 

"I mean, I definitely feel something, because I don't know how else to explain that feeling I get when you look at me, or when you smile. I definitely don't know how else to explain the fact that I definitely look at your lips or your butt too often." Eddie blushed, but managed a shaky laugh. 

"Am I really that appetizing?" His breath hitched when Richie actually groaned, his mouth pressed right next to his ear once again. 

"Oh, God, Eddie, you have no idea." The brunette found himself tilting his head slightly, turning it so he could just barely see the outline of Richie's head through the darkness. Richie shifted with him, and before Eddie could even register what was happening he was being trapped beneath the body of the boy he had been crushing on for four years. He stared, reaching up to grab Richie's glasses and fold them neatly, putting them aside. He couldn't see in the dark, anyway. 

"I didn't even know how badly I wanted you until you weren't there anymore." Richie's voice was low and slightly husky. He was very close to Eddie's face. The smaller boy could feel his friend's breath fanning his cheeks. He lifted his chin, being bold as he placed his arms around Richie's neck and guided him downwards until their noses were touching. Eddie leaned that extra bit upwards so that his lips just barely ghosted across Richie's so that it wasn't quite a kiss, but there was some contact. His heart was going a mile a minute. Was this really happening? 

"Try wanting someone that badly for four years." 

Richie's response was to close the gap completely, crushing his lips against Eddie's in a passionate kiss. Eddie reciprocated immediately, and it was nothing like kissing Myra had been. All thoughts of anything else were erased from his mind, and all he could think of was RichieRichieRichie he was kissing Richie and it was amazing and he didn't want to be anywhere else. 

When the curly-haired boy pulled away, Eddie was breathless. His fingers were tangled in those wild black curls and he was sure his face was red as a cherry right then. The two boys just took deep breaths together, foreheads touching as they caught their breath as one. Eddie licked his lips and he could taste Richie. 

He tasted like candy and cigarettes. 

Eddie could live with the latter, seeing as it was just so Richie that he wouldn't have it any other way. All guilt about loving this boy had vanished for the time being. How could something that felt so right be at all wrong? He could take on the world. He could march home and tell his mom he was having a sleepover at Bill's and even if she said no walk right back out anyway. He could fly. 

Richie's arms seemed to be getting tired of holding him up, because he rolled onto his side, pulling Eddie with him and grabbing his waist securely. Eddie was now being pulled as close as close could be. A sharp gasp of surprise escaped him as his body was pressed flush against Richie's and he could feel the boy's heart beating frantically against his own chest. It sort of mirrored the way his heart was beating, too. 

Richie craned his neck upwards, recapturing Eddie's lips with his own as he grunted impatiently. The smaller boy's lips curled upwards into a smile as he dug his fingers into Richie's soft black curls. He squeaked, eyes flying opened as he felt a sharp tug at his lower lip and he realized that Richie had bit him. Before he realized what he was doing, Eddie allowed his mouth to fall open slightly in shock, only for his eyes to bulge out of his head as he felt Richie sneak his tongue between his parted lips. 

The faint taste Richie had left earlier now exploded within Eddie's mouth, and he allowed his eyes to flutter shut again as he let it happen. It occurred to him for a brief moment that he was literally letting Richie lick inside his mouth but he was so lost in the way that it made his heart speed up and the fact that Richie was so close and he was holding him and oh, God, Richie... 

 

But then Eddie woke up, and all he could feel was the soft puffs of Richie's breath as the boy snored with one hand tangled in Eddie's hair and the other resting on his arm.


	13. 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Easter if it’s still Sunday for you! I decided to give Richie’s P.O.V. a go. I’ve been procrastinating and I only have like three more chapters that are totally finished... I’ve gotta get working. Anyway, hope you guys like this one!

It was kind of weird to Richie how this entire thing had played out. Just the year before, Richie would have told his friends that there was no way he'd ever like a boy. Sure, maybe he'd thought about it a few times, but didn't everyone? It was just what teenage boys did. They got curious, tried it out, and then forgot about it. Right? 

So why did Richie liked it so much when he tried kissing that boy under the stairs just before last period? He didn't feel anything for the kid, they had both just been curious. It wasn't like he had enjoyed it because he was attracted to the person it had been shared with. 

After that Richie had tried everything he could imagine just short of having actual sex with girls to forget what he had felt. Every day he brought a new one to mess around with. The girls always loved it. He tried not to have any repeats, but he was running short, and the girls never seemed to mind the fact that it was just a fling. He would tangle his hands in their hair. It was always soft, and it always smelled good. Their lips always felt good against his. It wasn't that he disliked girls. Richie loved girls. 

He just wasn't sure that it was okay for him to like boys too. He knew it was a thing. It was called being bisexual. Bev was bisexual, which struck Richie as somewhat odd, seeing as the only girls she had ever been around were the bitches who taunted her and spread awful rumors. 

Bev was Richie's closest friend, save for Eddie. They shared everything with each other. Richie wasn't embarrassed to admit having a fling with the girl. They shared cigarettes, so neither of them had a problem sharing saliva in a more physical way when they were being deprived. They both knew very well that they didn't like each other that way. 

At least, not anymore. Richie could remember a time just the summer before when he had looked at Bev in a way that friends didn't look at each other. 

Then again, he had always sort of looked at Eddie that way, even before he had realized that he liked boys. He liked the way Eddie's hair looked when he woke up late and didn't have time to do it the right way, or when they had just gotten out of the water at the quarry and it was all wet and messy. He loved the way Eddie's pale, adorable and perfectly pinch-able cheeks were dotted with light freckles, and how he had those beautiful pink lips that he really hoped to find out whether they were as soft as they looked. 

Richie hated, however, when Eddie wore those shorts that were way too short for someone to wear in public. It drew way too much attention to his legs. Much too distracting for Richie's already hyperactive mindset. There was no focusing in school on the days that Eddie wore those shorts. 

Richie always felt somewhat guilty looking. He knew that Eddie would hate him if he knew that he felt that way. Eddie wasn't gay, and his mom was the most homophobic person Richie knew besides his own parents. 

Richie looked at Eddie so much that he started to notice things. He noticed that Eddie was upset that morning when they had the sleepover at Bill's. He knew Eddie was nervous when they were in the clubhouse later that day. He knew Eddie was hurting every time he dragged a girl off just before lunch but he would never stop and question why that would bother him so much. He knew Eddie had nightmares, which was why he had started showing up late to school. 

Hell, if Richie had an ounce of self-esteem that went beyond his ability to woo girls, he would have noticed in all of his looking the fact that Eddie was looking, too. 

Richie thought a lot. 

He thought more than he talked, which was saying something. He thought a lot about It, even though he didn't want to remember any of what had happened that summer. He remembered looking up at that horrifying werewolf and staring down into the eyes of Bill Denbrough as the beast held him by the legs. He thought about the thing grabbing the back of his Hawaiian shirt and tearing the back straight down the middle. He thought about blacking out halfway through the mad dash away and how all he could do was clutch on tightly to Bill's waist until the bike came to a halt and he fell back. He thought about crying in front of someone for the first time in his life as he and Bill sat there on the side of the road. 

He thought about the house on Neibolt Street, and seeing the clown hunched over Eddie. He remembered how he felt in that once moment as he took in the sight. 

Eddie had been on the floor and he was screaming louder than anything Richie had heard in his life. The boy's arm was broken, and he was being pinned beneath this hulking figure, a giant clown with frizzing red hair and a silver suit that was the exact same as the silver suit that the werewolf had been wearing down to the orange pompoms going down the front. Eddie had looked up at Richie and time had stopped. He looked so broken, so horrified and so scared that all Richie could feel was the flaming hot rage that built up in his chest. It was like his body and mind had become a volcano and molten lava was coursing through his veins. If Bev hadn't stepped in, Richie would have gotten himself killed right there. That was how close he had been to hurtling himself at the fucking clown. 

He could remember sitting next to Eddie and realizing that he was about to die. He didn't want a clown to be the last thing Eddie saw. So, he grabbed Eddie's face in his hands and forced the boy to look at him instead. Every time Eddie tried to look back at the clown, Richie just pulled his face back. Richie didn't want to look, and he didn't want Eddie to look. He didn't suppose seeing his face would be the best last thing for Eddie to see, but it was better than a monster like that. 

He remembered being in the sewers with his friends. Eddie was up front with Bill, showing him the way. When they had reached the door, Richie vaguely remembered the fact that he had grabbed Eddie's hand. Of course, everyone was holding hands because of the ritual, but he had really held Eddie's hand. He was terrified, and he knew Eddie was too. 

Looking back, Eddie had always been the one who kept Richie grounded. The brunette would be the one to beep him first, or to call him out when a joke was not nice. When his mother had taken him away, Richie had gotten into all sorts of trouble. He would sometimes see a flash of brown hair in the hallways but the boy's back was already turned. He considered trying to see him anyway but he knew Eddie would only get angry, and what would happen if Mrs. Kaspbrak found him? 

He had gone by Eddie's house on his bike more times than he could count on his fingers. Sometimes he could catch flickers of movement in the windows. He had seen Eddie's girlfriend near there a few times. Every time she saw him she would give him a dirty look. 

It wasn't like Richie cared what she thought. He was more concerned about Eddie, and how she was treating him. Not having Eddie felt like he was missing a limb or something like that. Especially since the group had started to fall apart afterwards. He had overheard Stan telling Eddie that they had just gotten closer, but he knew that was just to make him feel better. They had all fallen out. 

Richie hadn't gone near a single girl the entire time. He lost his reputation of being a player. There were rumors that he had gotten a girlfriend, but they weren't true. He hadn't looked at any boys, either. Eddie had been the only boy he ever looked at. The one person that Richie remained friends with was Bev, so she knew everything he had felt the entire time, even over the summer. Nobody went back to the clubhouse since Eddie had been there, nor the quarry. Richie's summer really had consisted of nothing but the arcade and taking quick smoke breaks with Bev in the alley near the Aladdin. 

So yes, Richie thought a lot and lately had been doing very little. Up until his little chit-chat with Eddie in the clubhouse, he had been practically nonexistent. 

Speaking of his conversation with his best friend, Richie was freaking out a little bit. He had nearly kissed Eddie fucking Kaspbrak, but the kid had fallen asleep. Thank God, because as far as he knew, that kid had a girlfriend. He wanted to talk to the boy about it, but he knew Eddie would kill him. The whole reason his mother had taken him out of classes was because she thought he was gay, and it tore him up so much because Eddie wasn't. He had made that perfectly clear very many times. 

"Hey, Richie?" Eddie turned with a freshly anxious look in his eyes which just made Richie a little uneasy. 

"What is it, Eds?" He played it cool, smiling a little. The boy seemed to relax a bit off of his calm exterior, but inwardly Richie was freaking out. What if he was about to tell him that they couldn't hold hands, or play with each others' hair anymore? 

"Will you come with me to my house? I don't think I can talk to my mom on my own after today." Eddie's eyes lit up as Richie immediately nodded, squeezing his hand. Eddie squeezed back, his body moving so he fully faced him. Richie's breath hitched as the boy glanced around before standing on his tip toes and moving his face so close that their noses touched. 

"Eddie..." He trailed off, mind going blank as those unimaginably soft lips just barely ghosted across his cheek.

"Mmm..?" Came his friend's soft reply as his mouth traveled from Richie's right cheek over to his left cheek before brushing up towards his ear. The curly haired boy couldn't help but wonder how Eddie knew what he was doing and suddenly the thought that he had practiced with his girlfriend crossed Richie's mind. He pushed the thought away as Eddie himself pulled away with bright red cheeks. 

"Man, Eds. You really know how to push a guy's buttons. Don't you have a girlfriend?" As usual, Richie cracked a joke even though this time he really felt like he should have said something serious. Eddie laughed, but it wasn't a happy one. It was bitter, and his mouth curled downwards. 

"She tried to get into my pants on my birthday, but I said no. She got pissed, called me gay and told me that she was going to tell my mom. She broke up with me, Richie." Eddie tilted his head back so he could glance at Richie nervously, awaiting his reaction. "I didn't date her because I liked her. It was kind of an accident that she even became my girlfriend in the first place. I only went with it because I thought it was easier than being hated by my own mother and rejected by the only boy I had ever liked." 

And with that, Richie stiffened. Eddie liked a boy? Who on Earth did he like? Richie had been convinced that the things people were saying at school were just rumors. Damn it, he really wished he had listened for who everyone had been talking about. He knew it was Eddie, obviously, but he hadn't caught on to who everyone was saying that the brunette liked. Also, someone had tried to have sex with Eddie? His Eddie? 

"I thought you weren't gay!" Richie blurted out, stopping in his tracks. Eddie let go of his hand, whirling around with surprise flashing in his eyes. 

"Are you kidding, Rich? Why do you think I was so upset that my mom had guessed? Of course I like guys." He was bewildered, Richie realized. The look of shock at his outburst was evident in the way Eddie's mouth was hanging slightly opened and his eyes were a bit wider than usual. "Besides, I had kind of.. assumed that you already heard the rumors, anyway. Everyone else did." He blushed, looking down. Frustration surged up inside Richie as he viewed this sort of bashed-on version of Eddie. 

"Yeah, but I thought they were just rumors. You never told me you liked a boy! I never heard who the rumors were about because nobody would ever tell me." Eddie's eyes widened, and for a minute Richie was convinced that he had seen a flicker of what looked like relief. But it was gone just as quick as it was there, and he couldn't be sure. Eddie just shook his head and redirected the conversation as he grabbed Richie's hand again and pulled him to the bikes. 

"Let's go! We don't want to be late for the sleepover, and my mom is already going to be pissed that I didn't come straight home. Speaking of straight..." Richie couldn't help but laugh as he jogged after his best friend. 

Richie didn't want to let it show, but he knew he was nervous. He didn't really want to let anyone else know how he felt about Eddie. Of course, Bev knew, and if Bev knew then Ben knew, but he didn't want anyone else to know. It was partly him being selfish and wanting the brunette to himself, but it was also because he was deathly afraid of what his parents would think. He knew they loved him more than anything, but their religion went against everything he was doing as he caught up to Eddie and curled his arms around the squealing boy's waist, laughing as he lifted him up and spun him around. 

"Richie, put me down! We have to go get my stuff so we can go to Bill's house." Richie dropped the boy, who spun around, obviously trying not to smile as he folded his arms across his chest. Richie winked, walking past him and under the bridge to retrieve his bike. Eddie followed and they both put their rocks back around the trunk before hauling ass up the hill and out of the barrens. 

Eddie's house was a short bike ride away, but Richie could tell that Eddie was stalling. The boy may have been small, but he could definitely pedal faster than that. He stopped at the end of his street, which confused Richie, but he stopped too. 

"Listen, Richie, I changed my mind. You don't have to come with me. I can do this." But he looked so nervous as he said it, and Richie knew he didn't mean it. So, he shook his head with a small smile. 

"That's okay, Eds." Eddie made a face at the nickname, but didn't say anything, his gaze downcast. "That isn't going to stop me, and you know it. Is your window unlocked?" The brunette regarded him with cautious curiosity as he nodded slowly, a small smile working his way onto his face as he realized Richie's plan. 

"You can't make a habit out of this, Trashmouth. It's a one time thing, and it's only because I don't know how easy it'll be to walk by my mom like that. When she yelled at me after Myra called her, I didn't even say anything. I couldn't. I just sat there. It's like she drains me, you know?" Eddie shook his head, getting off his bike and beginning to walk as to slow down the last stretch to his front door. 

Richie followed without a word, just staring at the boy walking beside him. Now that he was able to look again, he couldn't keep his eyes away. Eddie was breathtaking. They ended up leaving Richie's bike on the sidewalk just a house away so Sonia wouldn't see it. Eddie had glanced around before seemingly assuring himself that nobody was watching, and giving Richie a quick peck on the cheek with a pink face. The darker haired boy wasn't complaining though as he raised a hand to touch the side of his face, watching his Eddie as he made his way towards the door. Richie snuck around the side of the house and found the drain pipe, managing to shimmy his way up and slide the window opened. He climbed in as quietly as he could and closed it even quieter. 

He could hear the desperate shouts of Mrs. K downstairs as he bustled about, grabbing a bag and getting it ready. He winced at the words the lady threw at her son, his heart cracking a little as he heard the quiet and obedient replies. Should he go down? 

Richie tossed a pair of pajama pants and a plain white t-shirt into the bag as well as some jeans and a red shirt for the day after. Upon thinking about it, he also grabbed one of Eddie's pairs of swimtrunks, as the losers almost always went to the Quarry on sleepovers. He packed socks and underwear but figured Eddie already had his shoes on his feet, and he didn't need any more, so for good measure he grabbed for the boy's second fanny pack only to realize that it was the one around the boy's waist downstairs. He had thrown his first one away two years prior. Richie peered outside with a frown before darting over to the bathroom and selecting a brand new toothbrush since he didn't know which one was Eddie's, and hurrying back to the boy's room. 

Glancing around Eddie's room, Richie sighed. He put the bag down and allowed himself to fall back onto the boy's bed, inhaling the scent of his best friend as he shoved his face into a pillow. Eddie sort of smelled like disinfectant, but not in a bad way, which was confusing to Richie. It wasn't the sharp tang like at a doctor's office, it was faint, and sort of pleasant. The pillow smelled more like lavender, however, and Richie made the assumption that it was because of the kid's shampoo. 

He heard footsteps stomping up the stairs and froze. They hadn't planned what to do if Sonia came upstairs. He had an estimated three seconds to find a hiding place. He rolled off the bed, ignoring the dull ache in his arm as he hit the floor and shoved himself underneath the thing, holding his breath. He recognized Eddie's feet stomping into the room and heard something thump before Eddie's fanny pack hit the floor a mere few inches from Richie's face. The boy must have seen the bag because he grabbed it and stormed out of the room again, thundering down the stairs and past his mother's screams. When Richie heard the front door open, he rolled out from under the bed and made a break for the window, sliding halfway down the drain pipe. He could still hear Sonia yelling. He'd have to wait for her to close the door if he wanted to get away unnoticed. 

"Eddie, come back! You can't do this, Eddie! I'll pull you from your classes again!" Richie winced at the threat, and silently decided on something. He ran around the side of the house, spotting Eddie as he stood with his shoulders hunched, his back facing his mother. 

"Sorry, Mrs. K! Eddie's got plans today. With all of his friends." Richie walked over, brushing his fingers against Eddie's back as he nudged him forward into a stumbling walk. Glancing over his shoulder, Richie glared at Sonia with all of the hate he could muster. 

"So back the fuck off. You should know better than anyone that your son needs all the friends he can get after what you put him through." Savoring the shocked and furious expression on the woman's face before he turned, Richie managed to laugh, grabbing Eddie's hand and pulling him into a run. 

"Come on, Eds! Let's go!" He picked up his bike and swung his leg over it, pausing to make sure Eddie was following. When he saw that he was, Richie took off towards his house with a loud whoop. A faint giggle sounded behind him, causing his heart to flutter as he went down a rather steep hill and came to a skidding stop in front of his house and threw his bike down. Eddie followed him more slowly as he barged into the house. His mother was home, to whom he offered a quick hello before running off to his room. He could hear Eddie making more conversation with her as he threw a sleepover bag of his own together in a hurried rush, having to check twice to make sure he didn't forget anything. He spotted Eddie's spare inhaler in the corner, the one he had been entrusted with keeping, and the image of the boy's fanny pack hitting the floor flashed in his eyes. He grabbed the plastic contraption just in case before running back out. 

"Sorry, Mom, we're in a rush! Sleeping over Bill's house tonight! I love you, I'll call you tomorrow morning so you know I'm not dead! Bye!" He heard her laughing as he grabbed Eddie's wrist and hauled him back outside, throwing his bag over his shoulder as he got back on his bike. 

The ride to Bill's was short, seeing as Richie was literally giving everything he had. He could hear Eddie laughing breathlessly as he tried to keep up, to which Richie would slow down a little then pull back ahead. 

"You tease!" Eddie gasped for breath when they stopped in front of their friend's house, dropping their bikes beside the four that were already there. Upon entering, they went up to Bill's room and saw the rest of their friends already sitting around in a circle, laughing. 

"Eddie, Richie! It's about time, you losers. We've all been here for like a half an hour!" Bev grinned, patting an open space on the floor next to her. Eddie had walked to sit between Stan and Mike, smiling apologetically at Richie, who shrugged and sat next to Bev. 

"So what are you losers doing, huh? Playing spin the bottle?" Richie rolled his eyes, coaxing a few laughs out of the kids. 

"No, you idiot. We're playing truth or dare." Richie leaned back against the wall, raising an eyebrow. 

"What are you guys, twelve? We should do something cool." Everyone stared at him with amused smiles. 

"O - O - Okay, like what, R - R - R - R - Richie?" Bill smirked, and his eyes flashed. It almost seemed like he had planned for this to happen. Stan also has a weird look, which was strange, because usually he was the one who said no to the schemes of his friends. Richie glanced at Bev, who was making a point of not looking at him, but she was smiling. 

"I don't know.." Richie trailed off, beginning to grow suspicious. He looked at Eddie, who looked just as confused as he felt. 

"I have an idea! Seven Minutes in Heaven. But with a twist..." Bev grinned devilishly. Understanding flooded Richie's mind, and it took everything he had not to laugh. He couldn't help but look at Eddie, who had visibly blanched and was shaking his head vigorously. 

"Alright, Marsh. What's your twist?" Bev grinned. 

"The twist is that if you say no to the name you pull out of the hat, then the person on your right gets to pick who you go in with." Bev was sitting to the right of Richie and Stan was sitting to the right of Eddie. Strangely, as if it had been planned all along, Stan himself pulled out a hat with a bunch of pieces of paper in it, and held it across the circle towards Richie, who grinned. 

Before anyone could protest, Richie took out a handful of papers and scattered them. Every single one said Eddie on it. 

"Cheaters!" Eddie looked like he was about to faint. Stan looked frustrated, Bev was on the floor clutching her stomach and laughing. 

"So is that a yes or a no, Richie? We may have cheated but you still technically pulled Eddie's name!" Mike winked. Richie smirked. 

"Why not? Come on, Eds. What's the worst that could happen?" He got to his feet, offering Eddie his hand. The brunette looked at him with wide eyes, smacking his hand away and getting up on his own. 

"Don't call me that," he grumbled, pushing past Richie and walking slowly towards the closet. The door was closed firmly behind them and there was a click as the lock was turned. Richie grinned, immediately pushing Eddie against the back of the closet which caused the boy to let out a surprised squeak. 

"They want a show, Eds. What do you say we give 'em a show?" Richie chuckled, pressing his lips to the delicate skin behind Eddie's ear and humming softly. Eddie squirmed a little bit, and Richie could feel his cheeks heating up. 

"Richie... What the hell are you doing?" The curly haired boy pulled away immediately upon hearing Eddie's question. What was he doing? Eddie liked someone else. This was like a personal violation.

"We have seven minutes, Eds," he replied instead, trying to forget what he had just done as he hugged himself tightly. "What do you want to do? We can sit down and wait it out if you'd like." 

"Richie.." Eddie's voice had a slight whiny tone to it as he stepped forward, his hands finding the taller boy's face. Richie's breath hitched as Eddie's fingers combed through his hair and tugged slightly before he let his hands fall and turned around, reaching behind himself to pull Richie down as he sat on the floor of the closet. Richie scooted back to lean against the wall and Eddie's back met his chest so they were sitting the same way they had been in the clubhouse. 

The curly-haired boy ran his fingertips along Eddie's scalp, coaxing a soft sigh out of the brunette. He smiled a bit in the darkness as he relished the feeling of being so close to his best friend. 

"Why do you think they rigged it?" Eddie yawned as he spoke, allowing his head to fall back and tuck under Richie's chin. 

"Who knows, Eds? Our friends are weirdos. They probably just thought it would be a laugh or something, but don't worry. It's only supposed to be seven minutes, they can't leave us in here all night." Eddie didn't seem to reassured as he peered at his watch in the dark closet, frowning. 

Suddenly, after what felt like ages, Eddie sat up. 

"Seven minutes have definitely passed!" Richie froze, and they remained silent for a second, listening for any signs of people outside. Richie tried the door, finding that it was still locked, and pressed his ear against it. Silence. 

"I think they left us in here." It was too dark for Richie to make out Eddie's expression, but he knew it was one of exasperation. 

"I dunno about you, Rich, but I'm all done with Heaven for today. This shit's exhausting." Richie moved forward, slipping past Eddie and turning around. He looped his arms around the boy's waist from behind and pulled him down so he was resting against his chest and he was leaning against the wall. 

"Yeah, I know, Spaghetti. I know."


	14. 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS HOLY SHIT IM SCREAMING SPECIAL CHAPTER TO YOU BECAUSE INCLUDING WHERE I POSTED THIS ON WATTPAD, OVER 1,400 PEOPLE HAVE READ THIS STORY AND THATS AMAZING SO THANK YOU SO MUCH LOTS OF LOVE

It wasn't supposed to have gone away. 

The high of having his friends back, the excitement of being with Richie again. But it went away after the next week passed, and Eddie didn't know what to do. 

It started off small. Just little pricks of guilt. He would look at his mother when he got home from long days filled with friends and secret stolen looks at a certain someone. She would always be so happy to see him, she never suspected a thing. Eddie loved his mother dearly. She may have ruined him in her own way, but he wasn't stupid. That wasn't because she wanted to ruin him, it was just how she was. She did it because she loved him, even if it was the wrong choice. 

That was the first thing that Eddie started thinking about too much. It scared him to suddenly be slipping back into the mindset, just like that. Then the nightmares came back, and as if they were some sort of trigger to a long and horrible chain reaction, Eddie went spiraling downwards. He hit a few rocks on the way down, too. It felt like falling through this endless pit, like falling, falling, falling, but there was no bottom within sight. At least, not yet. Eddie knew there was a bottom. A bottom that went beyond needing medication, or hospitalization. There was a bottom in his own house somewhere, if he looked hard enough. There was a bottom at the quarry. Lots of places had bottoms. 

It wasn't that Eddie was looking for the bottom. He wasn't. Eddie wanted to get back up. It was just so much easier to fall, and he was terrified that he needed the strength his mother had prevented him from acquiring. 

School was the same for everyone else. Eddie had this prickling fear that if his friends found out he was feeling that way again, they would try to help, because that was just what friends did. Especially Stan. Definitely Richie. 

If they tried to help, then they would just get dragged down too. Not because Eddie was heavy, but because his problem was heavy. Too heavy for his friends. Eddie didn't want them to have to haul ass just to make him feel better when he deserved to feel the way he did. 

How was he a good person, lying to his mother every day? For how long? 

A week. 

Then two. 

A month. 

The school year was ending and Eddie was still lying. She thinks he's going places to hang out with all of the losers, but he's with Richie. Just Richie. He wants to stop, it feels wrong for him to lie and he deserves to be punished. He's sinning,  Myra was right, his mother was right, and he was going against everything they said. 

But God, Richie was so intoxicating.

How can it be wrong? It felt right when it was actually happening. In the moment, that was what Eddie lived for. 

Summer sun beat down through Richie's window as Eddie thought everything over for, what, the tenth? Hundredth? Thousandth time? Or maybe it was still the first time, because he hadn't stopped thinking about it, save for his little breaks with Richie. 

The boys were stuck in a little dance with each other. They held hands, cuddled, and did everything couples did. But neither of them had worked up the courage to ask the other. Eddie hadn't even told Richie that he liked him yet. 

The brunette's head tilted as Richie pulled him into a warm embrace, his lips curving upwards where they were pressed against Eddie's forehead.

"I take care of you, yeah?" Eddie managed a small smile, because Richie did take care of him. He made sure to keep his teenage hormones on a leash, and he always looked both ways to make sure nobody was watching before even thinking about holding Eddie's hand. 

"Yes, Richie. Very good care," Eddie sighed, lifting his head and pulling Richie's face up so he could look at him. Eddie examined the boy up close. He tugged on a midnight curl, noticing the flecks of lighter brown in his friend's dark eyes. He admired the light splash of freckles on Richie's cheeks and suddenly, all at once, the rush was nearly overwhelming. All he could think was Richie, he was living and breathing Richie, he just needed Richie. It was like this fire had ignited in his stomach and it was driving him crazy.

Eddie was hungry, starving for the feeling of skin on skin. He drowned in Richie's presence, running his fingers through the boy's curls and pulling him back into a hug that was even tighter than the previous one. He could feel Richie's hands clutching at his back. There wasn't any real reason for the hugs today. Richie just seemed to be able to tell that Eddie wasn't feeling very good lately. 

"What do you think of me?" Eddie lifted his head so his mouth just barely brushed against Richie's ear. Richie was a blushing, spluttering mess when he pulled away, which was odd, but all he could do was gape at Eddie, who paused in his actions to raise a questioning eyebrow. He knew he was moving too fast, but he wanted to forget. He knew he would regret it, but he was in the moment and he didn't want to get out of the moment. 

"What do you mean? You're... You're Eddie. You're the greatest thing that's ever happened to me." He smiled warmly, recovering from his flustered state as now it was Eddie's turn to be embarrassed, averting his eyes with rosy red cheeks. 

"Do you like anyone?" Eddie knew he was being ridiculously sensitive as he glared up at the freckled boy who's eyes immediately widened as his pale cheeks erupted into an even deeper blush that took over his entire face. 

"What? No! I mean, yes! Of course I do, but you know, it's complicated. I want..." He trailed off, eyes growing wider by the second as Eddie began unfolding himself from Richie, pulling away. "I want to be with this person... And sometimes I think he wants to be with me, too. But he had a girlfriend for a while... And I know that he likes someone else." Richie reluctantly let Eddie pull away, even though he really didn't want him to go. 

"Alright, then, Richie," Eddie said slowly, tugging at the bottom of his shirt. "You don't have to tell me. I'm telling my mother who I like later today, because it's been killing me, lying to her. It'll make it a hell of a lot easier for me if I can tell her exactly what I feel without lying anymore." He frowned, pulling out his aspirator and triggering it mindlessly. Richie's jaw dropped. 

"Eddie, what do you mean you're telling her later?" Eddie ignored him, forcing his brain to focus on the terrible taste of the medicine as it hit the back of his throat. 

"Eds... St -" Richie broke off, lifting his head and finally jumping into action. He lifted Eddie's chin and forced the brunette to look up, much to the smaller boy's displeasure. 

"Stop it," Richie managed to spit out the words. "Just for a minute, while we figure this out, okay? We need to talk about this first. It's kind of a huge deal, you know. You aren't you lately!" Eddie tried to push his hand away, but Richie just cupped his face, forcing him to look up. 

"Look, if you don't like the fact that I'm gay, you can just say so. I get it." Eddie averted his eyes, mind swirling. He wanted to forget for a little while. Why was Richie trying to make it so god damn hard? All he had asked for a was a few minutes where he could actually make someone feel good, instead of lying to them or hurting their feelings. He couldn't even do that. What kind of a person was he? Richie obviously didn't want this, what was he doing? 

"Eddie, I would never do that to a person. Especially not you! Have you forgotten that I literally just told you that I like a guy? Listen, I'm worried about you, okay? You've been so off lately, and I can't figure out what's wrong. None of us can. I want you to feel like you can talk to me. You're the best part of my life, and I feel like I can never do enough to repay you for all you've done for me. I just want you to know that I'm here, okay? If you just need to talk." Eddie hesitated, hearing his friend's words and realizing in that moment how much Richie actually fucking cared. 

"Why do you care so much, Rich?" Eddie finally met Richie's gaze, and he could see the gentle surprise. 

"Well, I care because... I care because you mean the world to me. You're my favorite person in the universe. You're my best friend, and you have been ever since we met. You're my anchor, but at the same time, you're my sails, because you know how to steer me in the right direction, but at the same time, you also know how to stop me before I make any real big mistakes." Eddie knew he was crying because he could hear himself. He couldn't feel it, though. His vision was blurry, but he couldn't feel the liquid he knew was running down his cheeks. 

"I'm selfish and I want you to myself. I want you to be my world, not someone else's. But I'm scared to ask that of you because I've never been that to someone before and you are so important that I'm afraid of ruining what we already have. I may like girls, but I like you more than I've ever liked anyone. Including girls," he chuckled. Richie had pulled Eddie into his room and sat on his bed, nudging him up now so he was sitting on his lap, but it wasn't in an intimate way. Eddie could feel his shoulders shaking, and he could hear his sniffles as he sobbed into Richie's shoulder, getting his shirt all wet. 

"I care because I love you, Spaghetti. Everyone is always so afraid of the l word, but I'm not. I love a lot of people. I love you now, and I'll love you always. Even if you want to be just best friends, I'll still love you. I've loved you for a long time. Now it just means something more to me, in a way." Eddie wanted to tell Richie everything. He wanted to spill everything he had been feeling, but he was afraid. He couldn't tell Richie, because if he told Richie then everything would be ruined. Richie would try to help, and then Richie would get dragged down by the weight of Eddie's problems, too. 

But Eddie was already cracked, and suddenly everything came pouring out before he could stop it. It was like an avalanche of words, and one single shout from Richie, the shout of that l word had set it off. 

"I can't keep lying to her, Richie," Eddie cried. Richie's fingers rubbed soothing circles into Eddie's back, whispering for him to let it out. "She thinks I'm hanging out with everyone, but it's just you. She trusts me, Richie. Everything she does is for me. She didn't tear me away from you to ruin my life, she thought she was fixing it. She's always loved me, in her own weird and unhealthy way and I'm lying to her. I feel so guilty... When she took you all away, there were days when I physically couldn't get up. Myra would come by, and I had to let my mom send her away. I couldn't even look at her. 

"I got skinny because I didn't eat. I told you already, I couldn't find any reason to get up. Sometimes there were days where I had reason to, but I just couldn't. That school year was the hardest one ever. I missed a few days near the end because I just couldn't get up and go. I guess sometimes it pays to have a mom who lets you stay home with nothing but a headache. 

"I didn't want to tell any of you because I'm so afraid that once you see how heavy this is, you won't want to try and carry it. But I'm even more afraid that you will," Eddie pulled back, wiping his eyes even though they would just get wet again seconds later. "I'm so scared that I'm going to somehow drag you down with me. I don't know why I can't just be happy. The only time I can ever forget for even a second is when I'm with you, and it's horrible to use a person that way. But I just..." Eddie trailed off once more, telling himself sternly that if Richie said it then so could he. 

"I love you, Richie. So god damn much. I love you so much that it's scary. You just smile, and I'm smiling too. I was stupid just now. I thought maybe if I could make someone... If I could make you feel good for a little while, it would make me feel better about myself. If I know I can make someone happy, maybe I'll be more confident. Maybe I can make my mom happy too, in a different way. But still happy." 

Richie looked down at Eddie with big eyes as the brunette looked up at him with ones that were even bigger. 

"There are other ways to make me happy, Eddie," he said slowly, to which Eddie looked down and shrugged. 

"Spend the night and cuddle with me," he offered, pushing Eddie off of his lap and getting under the covers. He patted the spot next to him, looking over at Eddie with a small smile. Eddie sighed, wiping the remaining tears from his face and getting under the covers as well, even though the sun was high in the sky and he had told his mother that he would be back by dinner. He wasn't planning on going home any time soon. 

"I'm not going to try and talk about it with you because I'm shit with feelings, but I just want you to know that you make me happy by trusting me enough to even talk about it at all. Even just being in the room, you make me happy." Richie murmured soothing words as he pulled Eddie snug against his chest, tucking the smaller boy's head under his chin. 

"Richie... I appreciate that. If you ever wonder what the best thing you can do for me is, I want you to know that all you have to do is keep smiling. Because your smile takes a lot of weight off my shoulders. It's weird, but it's true, and it's fucking cheesy, but it works.." Eddie wrapped his arms around Richie's waist, settling against him. He could feel Richie's lips curve upwards as he pressed them to Eddie's forehead. 

"I'll keep that in mind, Spaghetti." Eddie smiled, before remembering something else. 

"Hey, Rich... Thank you. For listening." Richie hummed his quiet approval with his mouth pressed against Eddie's head. 

"Any time, Eddie. I mean it, too. Any time you need me, just call." And with that, their conversation was over. Richie wiped any remaining tears from Eddie's cheeks, letting his fingers linger on the boy's freckled face a little longer than he should have. But Eddie didn't seem to mind. If anything, he just leaned a little closer. 

It wasn't until he could actually feel Eddie's breath fanning his cheeks that Richie realized he had gotten rather close as well. 

It was different this time than it had been at the clubhouse. It was light in the room, so he could actually see the boy's face. Eddie was facing him this time, and that just made Richie's sudden desire to kiss the boy stronger as he was able to see those soft, perfectly pink lips right up close. But the best part was that this time, Eddie didn't have a girlfriend. Sure, Richie reasoned, the boy liked someone. But perhaps just this once? 

Eddie searched Richie's eyes frantically and wondered what was going on inside his head. He was on full panic mode inwardly, and all he could do was try not to stare at Richie's lips, but he was fighting a losing battle. They were so close that all Eddie had to do was tilt his head upwards a little bit and they would be -

Eddie tried to shake the thought out of his mind, but Richie's head was tilting downwards just as he began to tilt upwards and there was a very sudden shock of warmth and electricity coursing through Eddie's veins as he flinched away, uttering a very loud and flustered apology for his error as he got up, stumbling away from the bed. 

Richie just looked dumbfounded as he watched Eddie leave his room and run down the stairs. He briefly remembered Richie asking him to stay the night, but knew the boy probably wouldn't want him to at this point. He took a deep shuddering breath as he entered the kitchen, managing a feeble smile at Mrs. Tozier as he walked towards their telephone. He would just call his mother and let her know that he was coming home a bit early, that was all. There were suddenly footsteps thundering down the stairs and moments later Richie burst into the kitchen, eyes wild with a sort of nervous excitement. 

"Mom, can Eddie stay the night?" Richie asked loudly, causing Eddie to stop in his actions. He had just picked up the receiver. He stared at Richie, mouth hanging slightly open in shock. Richie still wanted him to stay after that? Maggie required that Eddie called his mother. Eddie nodded silently, before turning to stare at the phone. 

Naturally, his mother disagreed. Before Eddie could plead, however, Richie had snatched the phone. 

"Really, Mrs. K, it's no problem at all! My mom is already making dinner and she's making enough for an extra person. He can just borrow some of my clothes, and you know we always have his medication here just in case of things like this happening! You've really got nothing to worry about. Have a good one, now!" Richie hung up the phone without letting her get a word in edgewise. His mother had begun to protest at his lies, but he was already dragging Eddie back upstairs and slamming the door of his room shut behind him. 

He turned and stared at Eddie with huge eyes. The brunette looked down, embarrassed at his actions earlier in the day. He expected Richie to tell him off, then just say not to do it again. That said, he was very surprised when he suddenly found himself looking straight up into the eyes of his best friend. 

"Richie -" Eddie's voice was cut off and his eyes grew wider than ever as Richie lifted his hand so that it was just barely brushing against his cheek. He exhaled sharply as Richie leaned down, his face getting closer at an agonizingly slow rate. Eddie was vaguely aware of footsteps coming up the stairs, which immediately sent of danger alarms in the back of his head, but all he could focus on was the closeness of Richie's face and the feeling of his breath against Eddie's cheeks. 

Then Eddie was jumping away, and snapped back into reality. Richie's mother was yelling. She stared down at Eddie with big and horrified eyes, but her gaze softened a bit after the initial shock of the position she had walked in on wore off. 

"Eddie, I think you should probably go home for tonight, Dear. Richie will be free another time, but I wasn't expecting company tonight." Eddie nodded numbly. He couldn't bring himself to look at Richie as he walked out of his best friend's room and down the stairs. He sort of zoned out on the bike ride home. What was really about ten minutes felt more like ten seconds, and then he was riding up his driveway and walking into his own house. His mother immediately rushed over with worried eyes and frantic words. 

"Oh, Eddie Bear, thank goodness! I was so worried that you were going to stay with that boy. I'm glad you made the right decision and come home. You must be starving, it's well after dinner time. Here, come sit down, and I'll get you something to eat." Eddie let her drag him into the kitchen and sat down, thinking extremely hard as he ate his food slowly. 

He and Richie had sort of kissed - But it had been an accident, right? Even if Richie had wanted to do it again, surely his mother would never allow that. Richie wasn't going to want anything to do with Eddie's feelings once his parents were through with him. Eddie had heard the way Wentworth talked about homosexuals. Maggie was much more gentle, but Eddie knew she would never disagree with her husband. Mr. Tozier, a kind and warm man who took exceptional care of his family. A man who always made sure Richie knew he was loved, and provided for his wife and child and never did them any wrong. But when it came to men liking men, all of that warmth disappeared. Eddie couldn't help but wonder with a slight wince if Richie would be showing up to the quarry the next day with a bruise on his face. 

He could hear Richie's words echoing in the back of his mind - 

 

'I care because I love you, Spaghetti. Everyone is always so afraid of the l word, but I'm not. I love a lot of people. I love you now, and I'll love you always. Even if you want to be just best friends, I'll still love you. I've loved you for a long time. Now it just means something more to me, in a way.'

 

He meant that he loved Eddie as a friend, he had to. Meaning something more was just because Richie felt bad. He felt bad that Eddie was depressed and he thought that if Eddie felt loved he would feel better. 

Depressed. 

The word made Eddie hate himself even more, because what right did he have to be depressed? Richie, Mike, Stan, Bill, Bev, Ben, they were all right there. They were with him again, and they had been since the beginning of the school year. It was the summer now and they were all still together. Eddie wasn't even being forced to date a girl anymore. What did he have to be upset about? 

After all, Richie was at home, and for all Eddie knew, he was getting beat on right now. Sonia had never beat him, what right did Eddie have to be this upset if Richie was going through much worse? 

Worse because of him, Eddie reminded himself. He had heard Maggie coming up the stairs. He should have moved, so that Richie wouldn't get in trouble. What if Richie didn't even show up to the quarry the next day? 

Eddie stared blankly at his empty plate for a moment and reconsidered what he had said earlier that day. Was he still going to tell his mother who he liked? If he told her, then she would definitely be angry, but perhaps he deserved it. Perhaps if he let her fix it for him then he could leave Richie alone and his parents would forget anything had ever happened between the two of them. 

He got up and put his dishes in the sink, taking his medicine and heading upstairs to get ready for bed. He was too lost in thought to try holding a conversation with his mother, much less a hysterical one. He would have to tell her after the quarry in the morning. 

Throwing himself down on the bed, Eddie glanced at his window as the light began fading. He turned away, facing the wall and getting snugly under the covers. 

Eddie fell asleep so fast that he wasn't awake to hear the phone ringing an hour later.


	15. 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are. Hope you guys like it :)

Eddie got to the quarry early, and was surprised to see a bike already laying there. His heart leaned into his throat when he realized it was Richie's, and he threw his own bike down, hurrying towards the cliff. He saw the boy standing on the edge, and there was a small puff of smoke floating away from him, which meant he had a cigarette. Eddie sighed sadly as he walked over, trudging his feet a little so that Richie would know he was there. He paused a few feet away, staring at the back of his friend's head, at the curls that looked soft to the touch and the hunched position of his shoulders. 

When Richie turned around, Eddie had prepared himself for the worst. He expected a black eye, maybe even a split lip. However, Richie's face was perfectly intact, and a broad smile stretched across his lips as he spotted Eddie. He tossed his cigarette to the side, even though it looked brand new, which just made Eddie's heart melt. Richie knew he hated when he smoked, and he even got rid of a brand new cigarette just because Eddie was there. 

"Are you okay?" The question was asked slowly, hesitantly. Eddie folded his arms tightly across his chest, nervousness causing him to fidget slightly. Richie just nodded, his smile not even faltering for a moment as he examined Eddie's face from the slight distance of a few feet. His eyes were huge behind the magnification of his glasses. Eddie's arms dropped to his sides as he kicked at the ground awkwardly, the silence beginning to stretch between the two of them. 

"Mom told me that she wouldn't tell Dad. I don't remember exactly why, something sappy about loving me despite my negligence of God's wishes. We all know my dad would flip his shit, so she just told me to keep it on the down low. She thinks we're dating." Richie laughed, but Eddie could tell it was a little forced. "I had to tell her multiple times that it wasn't like that. I did tell her who I like, though." Richie eyed Eddie warily, almost as if he had something else to say, but his mouth remained shut. Eddie hesitated. He wanted to ask, but he wasn't sure it was such a good idea. After all, it was Richie's business, not his. 

He asked anyway. 

"Is it okay if I ask who you like?" Eddie looked away, a sort of heavy feeling tugging his heart downwards. He didn't want to meet Richie's gaze, which he could feel burning the side of his head. 

"You can ask, but I can't promise that I'll answer you right now. If you catch me at the right time, maybe," Richie teased. Eddie frowned deeply, finally forcing himself to look at his friend again. All he could see was gentle teasing and a great deal of adoration. He wanted to tell Richie that he meant it when he told him he loved him, but in a more than a friend sort of way. 

"After all," Richie tilted his head with a lazy grin. "I did ask you first." Eddie blushed, rubbing awkwardly at the back of his neck. God, if he hadn't been obvious before, he was definitely being obvious now. He shuffled his feet, and it took all he had to hold Richie's gaze as he struggled with his momentary war with himself. 

"I'll tell if you tell," he finally blurted out. Richie raised an eye brown and opened his mouth to reply, but Bill and Stan came running towards them with loud shouts. 

"Guys, Bev is on her way and she's gonna have a fit if you jump first! Slow down!" Ben came stumbling after them, red-faced and sweaty. Bev burst out of the trees right behind him with a look of pure rage on her face until she glanced around and realized that nobody had jumped yet. Mike was the last to arrive with all of the towels in hand. He agreed that he would head down to the usual sunbathing spot with them since he never liked jumping anyway, ignoring Richie's usual comments of 'coward' and 'scaredy cat'. 

The boys stripped down quickly and Eddie tried to ignore the fact that he could feel Richie watching him. It made him a little bit uncomfortable, but at the same time it was a little exhilarating. He wondered if Richie was going to jump without him again, and his heart sank at the thought. By the time he finished getting undressed, Bev and Ben had already jumped. Bill and Stan had latched hands and already getting their running start with shouts of laughter. Richie glanced back at Eddie who walked over to the edge and peered down. 

It certainly was a far drop. If Eddie had been looking hard enough, this drop might have been far enough. But he didn't want to look hard today. Today Eddie focused on the feeling of Richie's hand slipping into his own and intertwining their fingers. He focused on the feeling of Richie pulling him closer until he could feel the taller boy's mouth pressing against his forehead, then the tip of his nose. 

He focused on the words Richie whispered and how he could remember hearing the same ones coming from the very same little boy when Eddie was but ten years old and in this very same position. 

"Scream," Richie had said, a crazy grin spreading across his face. Eddie closed his eyes, and the feeling of a hand pressing against his began to fade. 

"Yes, that's it, Eds, just scream, keep yelling. Jump!" Then there was nobody there, it was just Eddie's and he was free falling. His eyes rolled into the back of his head as he plummeted towards the water, his body flailing in the air as he forgot to tighten his muscles up and brace for the impact. He was seeing stars, and he wished, he wished for it to end so that he could resurface and his friends would be there again, but the stars were morphing. They were distorting, and the color was changing. They were growing, ballooning, ballooning into balloons, red ones. A single red balloon floated over the water and then it was cold. 

Eddie didn't register the pain of smacking into the water unprepared until he started moving. At first he just floated. Floated along just like the balloons he had seen. He couldn't move. It was the same feeling as it had been when he couldn't get out of bed. Then his lungs began to ache dully, and his body twitched, sending a searing pain throughout the entire thing. His mouth opened in a silent scream as he began to thrash wildly, trying to reach the surface. A pair of frantic hands that didn't belong to him grasped at his arms and for a moment Eddie was so sure that it was the clown that he started to fight it. 

His muscles screamed as he tried to pull away, but the hands were persistent, and it wasn't until then that he realized they were pulling him up, which was where he wanted to go. So he stopped fighting, and instead reached out, grasping onto the arms, and pulling with them. He gasped and coughed as he surfaced, clutching onto whoever it was with hands that trembled violently. His skin felt entirely raw as he shivered, his entire body trembling with such force that he couldn't even see clearly. He knew the person holding him. He could hear them. 

"- oh my god, Eds, are you okay? You just kinda pitched off the side and started falling and you hit the surface without even curling up! Why didn't you try to swim up?!" Eddie cling to Richie with more force than he thought possible of himself, and he forced his eyes opened, finally focusing enough to look around himself. 

Bev was white as a sheet, clutching on to Ben like he was her life force. Ben himself looked pretty shaken, as well as Stan and Bill who just looked too shocked to speak. Eddie saw Mike standing on the rocks, but he was too far away to see clearly. Finally his gaze reached Richie and he realized that the boy was crying. It wasn't just the water from diving under the surface, actual salty tears were falling down Richie's face as he did everything he could to keep Eddie above the water. 

"I..." Eddie trailed off and suddenly he had the strong urge to vomit. He threw himself away from Richie and clutched instead to the rocks along the edge of the water. "I need to get out," he gasped, dragging himself out of the water and trying to get up. His legs buckled beneath him and he fell forward onto his knees, throwing up everything he had eaten for breakfast that morning, which consisted of: 

A granola bar. 

He could feel everyone crowding around him and multiple voices sounded at once asking if he was okay. One panicked voice that he thought to be Bev asked if they should call his mother. 

"No," he moaned, lifting an arm and thrusting it out towards one of the people. "Don't... Don't call her, she'll just take me home." Eddie let his head hang for a moment as he caught his breath. He wished Richie would come closer and comfort him. The thought caused him to lift his head and glanced around wildly, before he spotted the boy standing right in front of him. He was still crying, which broke Eddie's heart. 

"Eddie, you just free fell from a cliff into water and almost drowned, then threw up on the ground because you can't even stand long enough to get yourself further away from the quarry!" Stan sounded near-hysterical as he practically shouted, causing Eddie to flinch. He didn't want to sit near the vomit anymore, the smell was making him nauseous. He attempted to stand, and a few of his friends immediately rushed to his side, helping him steady himself. 

"I'm fine!" He insisted, but his voice broke as he let them guide him over to a rock so he could sit down. A towel was draped over his shoulders but he shivered anyway, the image of the balloons flashing before his eyes. Eddie whirled around, retching as he clutched at the rocks and began dry heaving. There wasn't anything left inside of him to throw up except for the water that he had inhaled in his fall, so once that was out all he could do was heave and wait for it to be over. 

At one point his vision was so blurred by tears and his ears were ringing so loudly that he was barely even aware of what was going on around him. Bev had run off presumably to call an adult, who Stan assured Eddie was not his mother, but the brunette wasn't sure he believed that. 

Eddie started crying somewhere in the middle, sobbing out pitiful apologies as his friends all scrambled to help him out. Richie had situated himself on the rock beside Eddie, but not too close. He seemed unsure what to do with himself until Eddie finally looked at him with such miserable eyes that the boy immediately melted, his sniffles molding into sobs once more as he lunged forward and pulled Eddie into a tight embrace. 

"I'm sorry, Richie," Eddie whispered into his friend's shoulder once he had calmed down enough to speak. He was still shaking, but not as bad as before. It had been nearly a half an hour since he had last thrown up. Bev had been gone for around the same amount of time, along with Mike. They had agreed to find Bev's mother for help since she was closer than Mike's house and the rest of the kids' parents besides Sonia were working. Ben had sat himself down near the water and was dipping his feet in while he waited. Bill and Stan were sitting a little ways away, engulfed in their own conversation. 

"Don't you dare be sorry, Eddie, you hear me? That was scary to watch. I can't imagine how you felt actually living it. What..." Richie broke off, pulling back so he could wipe his eyes furiously. "What happened?" Eddie hesitated, trying to remember exactly why he had fallen off the cliff without Richie. 

"What did it look like happened? It felt like... We were going to jump. I was remembering the first time that we jumped together, when I was ten, and what you said. Then it was like your entire existence was fading and I just started falling, and I saw -" Eddie trailed off, hesitating. What had he seen? Balloons? The thought made his stomach churn, but he shoved the feeling away, shaking his head. This was crazy. It was dead, they had killed It years ago. What was happening? Why was this suddenly becoming a thing? First the feeling of inability to function without his friends, because that was definitely not normal or natural. Now this? Was it going to get worse? 

"You saw..?" Richie prompted him, fear and concern darkening his usually-bright and happy eyes. He had begun rubbing those soothing circles into Eddie's back. Eddie scooted closer, relishing the feeling of comfort and safety that radiated from his best friend. 

"It was nothing, really. Just... Scary. I couldn't move. It hurt, too.." Eddie buried his face in Richie's shoulder, frowning. He heard footsteps and turned his face slightly to see Bev, Mike and Miss Marsh walking down towards them. The older woman had a motherly concern about her as she spotted Eddie, one that the boy had never experienced before. It was much different from his mother's hysteria, much more gentle and welcoming as she wrapped the soft towel tighter around him and felt his forehead with her cool hands. 

He didn't feel like he had a fever, she said, but she thought he should definitely go home and rest for the day just to make sure. He blanched at the thought of going home, which confused the poor woman, but Richie saved the day by offering a stay at his house. His mother had invited Eddie to stay over later in the week anyway, so Richie assured Miss Marsh that it would be perfectly fine. She seemed reluctant, but agreed nonetheless, offering to drive Eddie there. Bev, who didn't have a ride and had ridden Ben's double to get there, offered to ride Eddie's bike to Richie's place and just hitch a ride home with her mother, who agreed with this plan. 

Most of the other boy's had already begun to leave after making sure Eddie was going to be okay. Richie was unwilling to leave Eddie behind, but he knew it would be better for him to get home ahead of Miss Marsh and let his mother know they'd be making soup for dinner, so he left. 

Eddie allowed the mother and daughter help him walk up to the car, but he had begun to stabilize himself, so he only stumbled a few times. Richie was long gone by the time they got back up there, so Bev hopped on Eddie's bike and took off once Eddie was in the car. 

"Would it be pushing my luck to ask what exactly happened?" The woman asked. Eddie hesitated. 

"I fell," he stated simply. "It was really scary, but I'm okay. I guess I was just really surprised and it jumbled up my stomach or something." The lady eyed him doubtfully, but didn't push it. A mother, after all, could detect untruthfulness. As well as when the whole truth wasn't quite being told. 

"You and that boy seem to be rather close. The one who's house you're staying at." Eddie flushed, nodding quickly. 

"Richie's my best friend. He is always there for me when I need stuff like that. He even carries around my spare inhaler in case I forget mine at home." Eddie smiled a little bit, realizing that the talk about normal things was actually helping him begin to feel a bit better. He felt a sort of warm feeling in his chest as they pulled into Richie's driveway and the boy was already opening the car door. 

"Come on, Eds, I've already set up my bed. I've got you a glass of water and a cool cloth in case you get feverish, and I even brought a bucket so you wouldn't have to get up if you need to puke again, and so you can spit since I also got you a toothbrush since I know you hate having germs in your mouth and throwing up is gross." Eddie's heart swelled with gratitude as he practically threw himself out of the car and at his best friend, attacking him with another huge hug. He thanked Miss Marsh multiple times before closing the car door and following Richie into his house. 

"Thank you, Richie. This seriously means the world to me, you have no idea. I don't deserve you." Eddie blushed as Richie tangled their fingers together, shushing him and leading him upstairs where his mother was finishing making the bed nicely. She smiled sympathetically at Eddie before exiting the room so they could be alone. She even closed the door. After getting Eddie dressed in some warm clothes, Richie practically threw him onto the bed, insisting that he start resting right away. Richie seemed to have gotten dressed in the time that he was gone as well. 

"You won't be getting up for anything," Richie insisted, causing Eddie to chuckle as he brushed his teeth and rinsed his mouth with water, spitting into the bucket. 

"Man, am I in for a boring day." Immediately Richie gasped, and ran off to find something he could do while laying down. He came back with a deck of cards and a few board games. They decided to play checkers first, and after Eddie won two times in a row, Richie started to get antsy. 

Eddie took another of his pieces, and Richie heaved a great sigh. He looked troubled, and Eddie could tell he was distracted because the boy kept looking at him and forgetting that it was his turn. 

After this had been going on for well over half of the game, Eddie brushed the pieces off the board and back into the box, putting the game away. 

"Hey, why'd you do that? I was actually winning that one!" Richie complained, confusion clouding his gaze. Eddie scooted over in the bed, lifting the blanket and patting the space next to him. Richie hesitated before kicking off his shoes and climbing into the bed next to his friend. They lay there a moment in silence, and Eddie just took in Richie's features. He leaned his face closer, closing his eyes as he allowed his forehead to rest against that of his bespectacled friend. The rim of Richie's giant lenses dug into Eddie's head. He chuckled, reaching up and lifting them off of Richie's face. 

"I need those to see, Spaghetti," Richie grumbled, but he was smiling. Eddie giggled, folding the glasses and tossing them to the end of the bed. He snuggled closer to Richie, unsure of where his sudden confidence was coming from as he wrapped his arms around his friend's skinny frame and lifted himself so that their faces were level. 

"You don't need to see me to appreciate my beauty," he boasted, earning another chuckle. His smile widened as Richie squinted, leaning forward so their noses bumped together. 

"You're right, Eds. Your voice is just as soothing without glasses as it is with. Your hair is just as silky.." Richie ran a hand through Eddie's damp hair as he spoke, his voice dropping to a low whisper that sent a chill down Eddie's spine. "Your hands just as distracting," he joked as Eddie trailed his fingers up and down the boy's spine. "But mostly..." Richie placed a gentle kiss on Eddie's forehead. The brunette's eyes slid shut, a soft sigh leaving him. 

"If I recall correctly, of course," Richie continued, placing a kiss on Eddie's nose. Eddie allowed his eyes to flutter opened slightly for just a moment as he locked gazes with the freckled boy. 

"Your lips are just as soft, too," Richie finished breathlessly. Eddie froze, eyes widening. He remembered what Richie had said earlier about asking at the right time. 

"Who do you like, Richie?" It came out almost desperately. Eddie's mouth fell opened slightly in a hungry groan as Richie's lips slotted against his in a way that was much more full and real than the accidental brush that had occurred the day before. Eddie balled Richie's shirt up into his fist as his mouth was devoured by the other boy's, and oh God was it better than he had ever hoped for. 

Eddie was on fire, his entire stomach was a bubbling pit of lava as he struggled to get closer and just feel Richie's hands around his arms or his waist. He wasn't sure when he had shut his eyes but white light blinded him even after they fluttered closed. Everything else was drowned out. Any feelings of nausea disappeared. He tangled his fingers into Richie's dark curls, only pulling away for a brief moment to take a breath before Richie was all over him again. 

Eddie couldn't even bother to be embarrassed by his inexperience because Richie had completely dominated him to the point where all he could really do was let his mouth be ravaged and for the first time in his life Eddie wasn't worried about sharing saliva. He didn't feel the need to brush his teeth as the taste of candy and cigarettes exploded with every touch of Richie's tongue against his own. He didn't feel the need to swish and spit every time Richie tugged teasingly at his lower lip. Eddie was in pure bliss. 

He missed it the second it was over, but he knew there was definitely more to come as Richie leaned even closer, his voice growing low and rather husky as he whispered his answer to a dazed and rather ecstatic Eddie's question. 

"You."


	16. 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we are approaching the end of this story. I finished it so I’m posting the rest of the chapters tonight, but don’t worry. I KNOW THERE ARE A LOT OF QUESTIONS LEFT UNANSWERED AND LOOSE ENDS THAT ARENT TIED. That’s why there will be bonus chapters, and, of course, a sequel. So don’t be aLL WELL WHAT HAPPENED WITH THIS AND WHAT HAPPENED WITH THAT and blah blah blah. It’ll all be answered and I’m gonna edit it and shit so hold your horses, sit back, and relax.

It had been a week since the incident, and the losers had avoided the quarry like it was the plague. Eddie and Richie had been inseparable, but they had yet to share anything that close since the previous week. They had sort of reverted back to random hugs and hand-holding, though those things hard started to occur more often, sometimes even in front of their friends. Eddie hadn't gone through another one of the episodes, and after finally explaining the way he'd been feeling to the rest of the kids, they all came to the mutual agreement that he had probably blacked out due to the lack of food intake. 

However, none of them could explain why it would happen now, when he had been eating badly for nearly a year. 

Of course, Eddie could remember what had been strange about the situation. He was unwilling to mention the sight of the balloons in fear of what the reaction might be. 

They had killed It. It had been done and over with for years now, so why was this suddenly resurfacing? Were Eddie's nightmares seeping into his waking hours? He had been half-conscious when he saw them, maybe it had just been his mind playing tricks on him. 

Regardless, Eddie opted not to tell anyone. Especially not Richie. 

He had somehow gotten away with keeping the fact that he threw up from his mother's knowledge, but that was one lie he didn't feel very bad about telling. He didn't want to deal with a trip to the emergency room that could possibly last the weekend when he had finally shared something beyond a hug with the boy he'd been after since he was ten. 

Speaking of Sonia, Eddie still hadn't told her like he had told Richie he was going to, and the fact that they were actually together now only partly made up for the crippling guilt he felt. It was killing him to continue lying to his mother, but at the moment he was too afraid of ruining everything else he had to even consider talking it out with her. He wanted an uneventful summer, one where he could just be with his friends. He could live with the guilt for a few weeks if it meant being happy with everything else. Especially since he had one less thing to feel guilty about, seeing as the person he didn't want to have feelings for seemed to be returning them regardless. 

However, an uneventful summer was the last thing Eddie was about to receive, because of course, what started as bad as blacking out and falling off a cliff was only going to go downhill from there. 

It had started with a plan to have a sleepover at Ben's house. Everyone had arrived at the right time, and it seemed to be going the same way every single sleepover ever went. They already had the television on and a movie was playing, even though it was a little early. Ben's mother had gotten the ingredients for them to make their own mini pizzas, which had been fun. Eddie didn't like a lot of sauce, so it was nice to be able to regulate how it was made for once. Richie, however, piled on sauce and cheese like it was his last meal. The entire Losers' Club made it a point to stuff Eddie senseless, because the way he had been eating was 'unacceptable', according to Bev. They had taken out all of the junk food they could find and practically buried him in sweets that they had bought earlier in the day. 

Richie made a big show out of feeding him M&Ms, much to Eddie's distaste, but it made everyone else laugh, so he decided to let them have their fun. Besides, Richie seemed to be getting a kick out of it as well. At least, he did, until Eddie stuck out his tongue and licked Richie's hand when it got too close. 

"Ew! What the fuck, Eds? You don't know where this hand has been! Man, and I thought you were the germaphobe. Go swish and spit or something!" Everyone laughed loudly at the horrified expression in Eddie's face upon hearing Richie's exclamation. 

"Richard Tozier, where has your hand been? Why is it necessary for me to swish and spit? What have you been doing and why didn't you wash your hands before you fucking fed me M&Ms?" The dark-haired boy simply smirked, raising an eyebrow with a shrug of his shoulders. Eddie got up and stomped away, positively fuming with rage, but he had to admit it was a classic Richie move. After he made sure he had scrubbed his tongue raw, Eddie spun around and marched back out into the living room. Everyone had kinda drifted from the movie and were instead conversing with each other. 

"What is it with you and your obsession with being an actual badass? Only badasses fake IDs to get a tattoo, Bev." Stan was glaring at Bev with disapproval in his eyes, but she just grinned wildly. Her hair was back to the length it had been when they first met her, and she had pulled it up into a pony tail. 

"Come on, Staniel. Don't be a spoil sport! I would do it too." Richie was leaning back against the couch, and he hadn't seen Eddie renter yet. The brunette walked over, entering the circle of losers and sat next to his best friend, squeaking in surprise when he was pulled against the curly-haired boy's side. 

"What says you, Eds? Would you get a tattoo of my initials if I got yours?" Richie grinned, laughing as Eddie shook his head vigorously, scowling as he was smushed against the boy in a less-than-comfortable way. Richie's shoulder was digging into his cheek, and Eddie's left arm was trapped up against the couch while Richie's hand pinned the other to his side. 

"No, I would not. Not even if it was legal. I'm fifteen, Rich, not eighteen. It's illegal for me to do a lot of things, including drive. I don't have a permit." He frowned as everyone began gushing about how tiny he was, save for his best friend, who just threw his head back and laughed. 

"Awh, is Eddie upset that he can't legally have sex yet? Don't worry, buddy. Only about a month to go." A dark blush coated Eddie's face as he scrambled away from Richie with wide eyes and a dropped jaw. For a moment he was actually speechless as everyone else howled with laughter. Stan, however, was looking at Eddie with a strangely suspicious look. His gaze flickered to Richie, then back to Eddie, back and forth. He smirked, and winked at Eddie, as if he had already figured it out. 

"Oh my God I fucking hate you..." Eddie covered his face with his hands, beyond embarrassed. "Sex is the last thing on my mind, so keep your dirty thoughts to yourself. We all know you're constantly horny, but that doesn't mean that we want to hear about it." There was another chorus of chuckles at Eddie's comment. 

After the movie was over everyone agreed to change it up a little bit. Ben dug a bunch of old board games and a deck of cards out of his closet, dusting them all off on Eddie's command. Everyone gathered in a sort of lumpy circle. Stan and Bill were sitting very close to each other. At least, close enough that Stan could lean down ever so slightly and whisper into Bill's ear without making it obvious enough that anyone who wasn't looking at them would notice. 

Richie did, unfortunately for a poor Eddie who was then pulled forcefully against the idiot's side so their thighs were pressed together and Richie's arm was trapping Eddie next to him. Nobody took special notice, just kinda smirked and shook their heads. Stan winked at Eddie rather smugly, to which the brunette flushed and looked away. 

They decided to play Monopoly first, since that would take the longest, and they had to kill time because nobody started getting tired until it was pretty late. 

Of course, about halfway through the game it started to get chaotic. Beverly got very competitive and there were a few very close calls where she gripped the edge of the game board so tightly that her knuckles turned white and threatened to flip it. Bill had somehow ended up in Stan's lap, and Eddie could tell Richie was getting antsy, because God knew he always wanted to compete. Sometimes he was worse than Bev. 

That was how Eddie found himself being rather subtly shifted to sit in front of Richie rather than behind. Not quite on his lap, but Richie was certainly getting rather up close and personal. It started with just the feeling of hot breath against the side of Eddie's neck as a sneaky pair of arms wrapped around his middle. The brunette tried to ignore it, because nobody else had noticed and he didn't dare bring attention to what was happening right now. Which was only because he didn't want to get made fun of, of course. Not because he was reluctant to let Richie stop. 

However, he had more and more trouble convincing himself the longer he let Richie do as he please. Lips ghosted over the side of his neck. A nibble on his earlobe. Fingertips brushing his hip. At this point he was sure Stan had noticed, because the boy seemed unable to keep a smug grin off of his face, even after he buried it in his boyfriend's neck. 

Eddie blushed furiously and gripped Richie's hands, prying them apart so he could remove them from around his middle. There was a tiny whine from the owner of the arms, but Eddie ignored him, getting up and announcing that he had to use the restroom. He hurried out of the room and closed the door to the bathroom, pacing around while he waited the appropriate amount of time that would be considered a bathroom break. 

After flushing the toilet even though he hadn't used it, and washing his hands twice just because he could, Eddie exited. The board game was being put away, but he didn't really care. He hadn't been that interested in the first place. It was getting rather late in the evening and the group of friends were starting to get tired. Bill kept nodding off onto Stan's shoulder, and Ben was actually starting to fall asleep. Richie was the only one who was still fully awake. 

"Come on, guys! It's only like, 11:30. You're all boring, you know that? Come on, Eds, we'll just stay up." Richie had already found a movie and set it up while everyone shuffled up to Ben's room to tuck in. Eddie groaned. 

"Come on, Richie. I'm tired too! That was a lot of food to take in after going so long without eating much.." Eddie really did feel full, but it sort of felt good. He felt like he had filled a part of himself with junk food and other shit that wasn't really good for him at all, but somehow made him happy. 

"Sorry, Spaghetti. The movie is already starting, and your ass had better be parked on that couch in a few seconds, or else." Stifling another loud complaint, Eddie did what Richie said and parked his ass. The movie picked was boring, Eddie could already tell, because the cover said it was based off of a true story, and Richie never liked those. 

"Why did you pick this one, Richie? It's literally a documentary. You hate these." Eddie regretted the words as soon as he said them because Richie practically threw himself down onto the couch beside him with a smug grin. His glasses were missing from his face. Eddie's mouth went dry as he found himself automatically leaning closer. "And... Why aren't you wearing your glasses? You can't see the TV without them.." 

Richie cupped Eddie's cheek gently, pressing their foreheads together. Suddenly, Eddie forgot all about the fact that there were friends in this house, and there were parents in this house, because he was sitting on Richie's lap and his hands were tangled in Richie's hair, and they were kissing and nothing else mattered. 

Their mouths moved perfectly in sync. Eddie tugged at Richie's hair in just the right way, swallowing the soft groan that passed his partner's lips. He pulled away and pressed a few experimental kisses along Richie's jaw, before trailing ever-so-slowly down to the boy's neck. He found one spot that caused the teenager to shudder, and he felt the hands gripping his hips tighten. Smirking, he pressed another kiss to the same spot before gathering up his courage and biting down on the sensitive skin. There was a shrill squeak of surprise and then a quiet moan from the curly-haired boy as Eddie sucked on the spot, soothing it and surely leaving a bruise. 

"You little fucker. Where did you learn to do that?" Richie flipped them over and laid Eddie back on the couch, glaring down at him playfully. Eddie blushed furiously, averting his eyes. 

"Everyone knows how to give someone a hickey, Richie. It's 101. I've never done it before, if that's what you were worried about." There was a hungry look in Richie's eyes as he stared down at Eddie, cutting off anything else he was going to say by capturing his lips in another passionate kiss. 

"You'd better not have put your mouth on anyone else in that way... I want this to be mine, you hear me?" Richie, who ultimately had more experience, trailed kisses expertly up and down Eddie's face and neck. He left a firey path along Eddie's jaw, before biting roughly at the spot where his neck met his shoulder. Eddie gasped at the sudden sting, but relaxed into a soft sigh as the spot was soothed right after. At least Richie was decent enough to do it in a spot that could be hidden easily. 

But, of course, Richie was never decent. 

Because soon enough, Eddie was throwing his head back, tilting it at an angle that allowed Richie access to his entire neck, and like it was a canvas, he made his mark. Halfway up was the perfect spot, it seemed, because Eddie was pretty sure that the second Richie found it he pulled a muscle trying to tilt his head further. A breathy noise escaped him and it was somewhere between a gasp and a whine as Richie treated the spot the same way as he had the previous one. 

"Richie..." Eddie trailed off, lifting a hand to guide his boyfriend's face away from his neck and press their lips together once again. When he pulled away again, he scowled deeply. "I hate you. How am I supposed to hide that one from my mom?" He struggled to stay mad when Richie collapsed against him, laughing quietly into the unscathed side of his neck. But when he felt Richie's eyelashes tickling his skin, Eddie began squirming, and then he was giggling too. 

"Well it's about damn time!" The pair froze, remaining still for a few moments before Eddie shoved Richie up and the taller boy scrambled to his feet so Eddie could sit up. They both looked over at the now-opened door to Ben's room. Mike stood in the doorway with a huge smile, leaning against the frame with his arms crossed. 

"I just came to tell you guys to turn the movie down, but I've got something even better. The others are not going to believe this." With that, he turned and closed the door again. A few moments later, there was a loud scream that could only have been uttered by Bev herself, and Richie bolted. Eddie watched him go, mouth falling opened as he rushed into the hallway, locking the bathroom door behind him. 

"Richie! Oh my fucking God you idiot! Get back out here!" Eddie scrambled to his feet, but before he could move, a mass slammed against him and his arms were pinned to his sides as he was hugged furiously. 

"Eddie I'm so happy for you! Where is Richie? I just knew you two were perfect for each other!" Bev was squeezing the life out of Eddie , and it was starting to hurt. He pried himself out of her arms only to be spun around and hugged by someone else. He was surprised to find that it was Stan, who was not usually very open to hugging people besides Bill. 

"I'm proud of you, Eddie. I told you that he would come to his senses." This time, Eddie melted into the hug, wrapping his arms around his friend in return. 

"You did, Stanny. Thank you so much for being here for me throughout the years. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but I was just so surprised by everything that was happening." He buried his face in Stan's shirt, holding the boy there a bit longer. This wasn't just a friend hug. This was a best friend hug. 

"Richie, your boyfriend is hugging someone else! You'd better get out here and stop him!" There was the unmistakable sound of a door being thrown opened and footsteps thundering down the hallway before Eddie was being dragged away from Stan and Bill came running from Ben's bedroom. He jumped into Stan's arms instead, shooting a glare over his shoulder at Eddie. 

"Eddie! I leave for five minutes, and you're already cheating? Looks like we're gonna have to spend every second together for the rest of eternity!" Struggling against Richie's hold, Eddie groaned. 

"Not even I can handle that much Richie Time, okay? I need to at least be able to shower and use the bathroom by myself!" He gave up on pulling away and instead just turned around so he was facing Richie. The taller boy pretended to be offended. 

"Nonsense! Lots of things can happen in the shower, Eddie. I can't allow you to take them without me." Blushing furiously and unable to think of a good comeback, Eddie stuck his tongue out at Richie and looked away. However, he did let his head fall forward and rest against Richie's chest. 

"We're all so happy for you guys! But seriously, turn the movie down and come to bed. Ben is the only one sleeping, but even he had trouble staying that way." Mike picked up the remote and turned the television off. Everyone walked into Ben's room, getting back into their sleeping bags. Eddie was pulled along behind Richie, who had made sure their sleeping bags were next to each other's. 

Richie scooted over in his own sleeping bag and patted the space beside him. Eddie flushed, remembering when a similar situation had happened years ago. They had been having a sleepover at Bill's house, and he had nightmares that night. In the morning, Richie offered him as a joke to sit in the same sleeping bag. 

This time it wasn't a joke, though, and Eddie was in Richie's sleeping bag, pressed up against him with arms looped around the boy and his head tucked under Richie's chin. He felt the boy rubbing those little circles into his back and wondered if he did that for anyone else. Somehow, it was enough to sooth Eddie out of any anxious feelings. It was enough to make Eddie feel safe, and let him fall asleep quickly. It was enough to do anything for Eddie.

Anything, it seemed, except for keeping away the nightmares.


	17. 16

Eventually, everyone began falling asleep. Richie lay awake staring at Eddie. There was something not-so-peaceful about the way he slept. Usually Eddie was a gentle sleeper, with his lips turned upwards into a smile as he slept. Today he was frowning. His brow was furrowed and he was twitching. 

"Eds..?" Richie whispered, glancing at the others. They were all sleeping except for him. He slipped his arms around his boyfriend, pressing his hair gently out of his face. 

"Eddie. Wake up." Eddie was trembling now, and Richie could see a few tears building up in the corners of the boy's eyes. It wasn't until Eddie starting crying aloud that Richie panicked, sliding a hand onto Eddie's cheek, the other remaining on his shoulder. He gentle shook the crying boy, desperate to wake him up. 

"It's just a dream, Eds. Come on, it's okay!" He kept his voice low, soothing. Finally, Eddie's eyes snapped opened, and he sat up, gasping for breath. Richie pulled him in for a gentle hug, murmuring soothing words, rubbing little circles into his back. 

"Richie..?" Eddie flushed, trying to swallow back a sob. Richie just smiled sadly, shushing him and hugging him closer. 

"It's alright, Eddie Spaghetti. I'm here." He resumed the hug, allowing Eddie to cry into his shoulder. "'Atta boy, Eds. Let it out. I'm here. It's okay." Richie repeated the words of comfort like a chant. Eddie hiccuped a few times before he fell silent for a long while. Richie thought he had fallen asleep when suddenly he pulled away, wiping his eyes and averting his gaze. 

"I'm sorry you had to see that," he mumbled, and Richie's heart broke for him. He sounded so broken, so sad. 

"No, Eddie. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Why didn't you tell me? I could have helped." Eddie sniffled, looking away. 

"You've seen how the others look at me lately. They all pity me. I'm the baby of the group. You're the only person who treats me like a person, not your child. I didn't want you to look at me in a different way. I act like I hate it when you make fun of me, but you're the only person who does and actually... Makes me feel good about it..? If that makes any sense.." He blushed, obviously embarrassed. 

"Edward Kaspbrak, you look at me right now." Eddie looked up, confused, yet hopeful. Richie looked down at him in all seriousness, but it gave way to a soft smile. "I will not think of you as weak for this. If anything, you are stronger. Dealing with nightmares every night and still coming to school with a smile on your face? That takes a lot of bravery." Eddie positively beamed. 

"Thanks, Richie." The brunette looked down, blushing slightly. "I..." He trailed off, mumbling something before his cheeks burned even brighter red. Richie chuckled, tightening his hold around Eddie. 

"What was that? I'm afraid I couldn't quite hear you." Eddie scowled, lifting his head so he could whisper in Richie's ear. 

"I love you." Warmth pooled in the taller boy's stomach as he lifted Eddie's chin and replied with a slow, sweet kiss. 

"I love you too. Now go to sleep, moron." Eddie grumbled about not being tired, but he fell asleep in no time.  
This time, Richie noticed happily, he was definitely smiling. 

Unfortunately, this wasn't the case when the boy woke back up. Richie had looked around, and everyone else was still sleeping. It was a little early. When he refocused his gaze on Eddie, the boy was awake, and he didn't look happy. 

It only took a few moments for him to realize that Eddie was more than unhappy; he was upset. Embarrassed. His face was bright red and there was a strange sense of an inward war with himself when Richie peered into his eyes. The smaller boy shifted away from his boyfriend, as far towards the edge of the sleeping bag as he could get. 

"Eds.." Richie automatically reached out, but Eddie turned his back. Looking down, the older boy sighed. "I'll just... leave you alone for a little while, then.." he hesitated, half-hoping that the boy would stop him, or at least look back. But, as he got up and climbed out of his sleeping bag, Richie looked down to see that the small boy wouldn't have any of it; he was snuggled deeply into the sleeping bag, and showed no signs of movement. 

Leaving the room with a small sigh, Richie noticed the Bev's sleeping bag was empty. Upon entering the living room, he saw her standing there with a pensive look on her face as she stared out the window. 

"Don't sweat it, Rich. He's just embarrassed. Happened to all of us, too. At least, the ones who have seen it happen. Mostly Stan. He'll wake up later and get over it." Relieved, but still slightly unconvinced, Richie nodded uncertainly as he approached the girl. 

"I'm just afraid of messing up, you know? It took us so long to sort out all these feelings and shit. And, what if I've been moving too fast for him? I'm scared that I'm not good enough." He lowered his head, running a hand through his hair, even though it proved rather difficult. 

"Richard Tozier, look at me." Her stern voice caused Richie to straighten up, anxiety gnawing at his heart as he met her icy blue eyes. "That boy knows what he wants. He isn't an idiot. He's just afraid to ask for it because he feels selfish asking anything of any of us. If you ask me, we need to work a bit harder at showing him that he isn't a burden." Bev was frowning, and her expression told Richie that she was thinking very deeply about the topic. 

"I think I'm gonna go out for some air," Richie muttered. The room suddenly felt stuffy and suffocating. He exited the house and got on his bike, and he was already at the end of the street before he realized that he was not wearing his glasses. He took them off every night before bed and he had forgotten to put his back on before he left. Rather annoyed at the fact that he was going to have to go back, Richie groaned aloud, before turning his bike around. But the second he looked up, he noticed something that he didn't need glasses to see. 

He was not on the street he had been on just moments before. 

He stared around himself for a moment, blinking hard to try and figure out what was going on, because there was no way that this was possible. Not a single one of his friends had been here in years. He had just been on the other side of town minutes ago. 

And yet, even after pinching himself multiple times, and no doubt leaving a few angry red marks on his arm, Richie was still sitting on his bike in the same place. He was still sitting on his bike right in front of number 29 Neibolt Street. 

It was kind of funny, really, if Richie thought about it. He turned the bike around and started pedaling at a slow pace, since he still couldn't see. When he got to the end of the street, he looked both ways, something he had never bothered to do before. 

There was a sort of sick feeling in Richie's stomach. He wondered if this was how Eddie had felt when he fell off the cliff. Richie had been almost sure that there was a flicker of something red - The image of a balloon sprouting from the place that Eddie hit the water. But it had been gone the second Richie saw it, and he had only felt a little queasy that time. 

Now he felt like he could hurl all the junk food he had eaten that week at any second. His stomach churned as he allowed himself to lean on one side, his arms feeling rather heavy. He decided it would be safer to walk his bike home, and swung his leg over the side. He took a few steps down the street, but every step he took was met by another wave of nausea. Black spots danced in his vision as he forced himself down the street. 

Then he closed his eyes and shook his head to clear it, and when he opened them again, he was back where he had started. He was at the house on Neibolt Street. 

It took everything Richie had not to pass out the second he laid eyes on it for the second time. His bike clattered from his hands and he took a few stumbling steps towards the house. It seemed like he didn't have anywhere else to go. 

Before he reached the gate, he stopped himself. What was he doing? Of course he had elsewhere to go. It was dead. His mind was just playing tricks on him. 

Richie took a deep, shuddering breath and glanced down at the watch Eddie made him carry around. He had to hold it really close to his face to read it, and his heart sank. 

He had been gone only five minutes, so why was it almost sunset? He looked up at the sky, and the blue or colors suggested that the sun was beginning to sink behind the trees. His mouth fell opened slightly. Time couldn't pass that quickly. It wasn't like he had been out on a real bike ride and lost track of time. It was, quite literally, impossible for it to be the time that it was. 

The second Richie turned away from the house an animalistic groan escaped his mouth as he doubled over, clutching his stomach. Something definitely wasn't right. It was like a force was pulling him towards the broken building, and he couldn't move any further forward. 

Something in his hazy mind clicked, and he realized that Eddie had often described his inability to get up as 'being like a mysterious force was holding him down'. Could this be the same?

Richie turned, taking a few more unsteady steps towards the house. He would have collapsed if the gate hadn't been there, but the cost of gripping that was a deep cut on his palm; He couldn't see the spot because it was too blurry, but he figured that he must have stabbed his hand with a bit of broken wire on the net of metal. He hissed, clutching his wounded hand close to him as he felt a warm, sticky liquid begin pooling in his palm. He gasped, managing to get a few more feet before he tripped over the front steps leading up to the porch. He automatically flung out his hands to stop his fall and cried out when his injured palm made contact with the wood. He dragged himself up and into the house, convinced that he wouldn't be able to stand if he tried. 

The second he was inside, he pulled himself into the first room he remembered; the one where he had found the missing poster of himself. There were no good memories of this room, but it was the one he knew best and he was going to be navigating this place half-blind. 

He didn't stop crawling until his uninjured hand hit something that crinkled. He sat down and picked it up, before realizing with a sinking feeling that it was a piece of paper. 

The same piece of paper that he had pulled out of those cobwebs all those years ago. What was it, now? Going on five? What the hell was going on? They had killed It, they had killed the spider, or whatever it was. It was gone. There was no way it was still alive. 

And yet, there was still that lingering sense of doubt in the back of Richie's mind. Was It really gone? If It was really gone, why were these things, things that only It would do, still happening? 

And why had this fucking poster updated itself to a picture of Richie exactly as he looked in that moment, no glasses and in his sleepwear? Why did it have an updated age, and weight, and height? Why did Richie, who had felt physically fine that entire morning, turn over and puke up everything he had eaten in the past week the second he saw the photo? 

Richie wasn't sure when he had started crying, but hell, was he crying. 

His entire face was soaked with tears, and through his nausea and terror mixed together, the only though he managed to comprehend was the fact that as long as he was in that godforsaken house, nobody could hear him sobbing. 

Nobody could hear Richie Tozier as he curled up into a ball and cried his eyes out, wishing, wishing, wishing that he could just leave. Wishing that he could stop feeling so sick and just leave. 

To make matters worse, his mind automatically turned to the worst-case-scenario. What if he was stuck there forever? What if he died there? The last moments he had ever spent with Eddie were spent with his lovely brunette upset. Refusing to be held. 

The tears rushed out faster, and Richie's cries strained his voice, but he couldn't contain himself. He hadn't had a good cry in - How long had it been? Years. Maybe even in his entire life. He had cried when his mother found him and Eddie in a rather compromising position that day, but she had comforted him. He calmed down within minutes. 

Richie had cried with Bill when they escaped the werewolf, but he wasn't sure he had even been crying this hard that time. Then again, his memories of that summer had begun fading. He was sure the others' had, too. Everyone had begun to forget the major details almost immediately after. The things they all remembered most vividly were their personal encounters, and then the fight to end it all; Everything else was blurry. The only thing Richie remembered vividly about this house was a burning anger. Why had he been so angry? 

The clown had taken Eddie. 

The memory hit him like a brick, and he began heaving again, but there wasn't much left to come up. Tears caused his already-blurry vision to become even blurrier. Richie managed to crawl a few feet away from the mess before collapsing into a shaking, sobbing mess. It was the middle of the summer, but the house was freezing. 

This time it seemed that time had slowed down, because after what felt like hours of shivering, and cries that had faded into the occasional hiccup, Richie checked his watch to see that it was only about 8:00 in the evening. 

Shuddering breaths escaped him and he could vaguely see the puffs of air as they came from his lungs. It must have been really cold in the house, he decided. A few more minutes ticked by, and he could feel his stomach beginning to ease up. It was slight, and he was afraid to move, but it was beginning to feel less tight. 

A few moments later he realized he didn't exactly have a choice. There was a shrill scream from outside, and he immediately got to his feet, ignoring the way his stomach sloshed uncomfortably. The cut on his hand had stopped bleeding, but it felt crusty, like the blood had dried around it. He grimaced when he tried to flex it as he took a few unstable steps towards the door of the house. 

"Hello?" His voice was hoarse, but he cleared it. "Is someone out there?" He hesitated. "Someone help me!" His voice cracked pitifully as he finally reached the broken door, nearly falling through the gap. Then he missed his grasp on the door frame and he really did fall through. 

There was a soft gasp as Richie tripped over the bottom of the door, pain exploding in his shin. He released a shout of pain,twisting as he fell and landing on his butt. There was a moment of silence and then there was a hushed sob and a pair of warm arms wrapped around Richie's shoulders from behind. 

"You fucking idiot! We looked all day and everyone else gave up and then I couldn't get home and I kept ending up here!" Richie let out a heavy sigh at the sound of his lover's voice, leaning back against the boy's chest. 

"Eds..." That was all he managed to get out before he was twisting around and pulling the boy against himself in a bone-crushing hug. He felt his shoulder growing damp and hushed his boyfriend, running his fingers gently through the brunette's hair. 

"Don't call me that," Eddie replied halfheartedly, and Richie pulled back with a dazed smile. He placed a soft kiss on Eddie's nose, something he hadn't done since they were very little. Since even before that summer. A few moments later, Eddie reached back into his pocket and pulled something out. Suddenly, Richie could see. Eddie had brought his glasses. 

"I figured you'd be needing those," the boy explained with a sheepish smile. His eyes were red and puffy, still leaking a few tears. Richie was sure he looked like hell as well. Peering down at his hand, he almost gagged. There was a deep cut in the exact shape of the scar he had received from Stan's blood-brothers ritual. It was surrounded by cracked and dried old blood that he hadn't washed off before collapsing in the house. Eddie held out his hand and revealed a cut very similar. 

"Yeah, me too. That's why I screamed." There was a sort of mutual understanding of what had happened between the two; It was obvious that they had gone through very similar, if not identical ordeals. 

"Do you think we can leave yet?" Richie's voice wavered, and he felt like an idiot. He felt Eddie's arms tighten around him slightly. 

"There's only one way to find out. If we can, you're coming to my house so I can fix that hand of yours. I don't want it to get infected. Then, you're spending the night, no matter what my mom says. You aren't leaving my sight until I'm sure you won't disappear again." The haunted look on Eddie's face was enough to send a surge of love and affection throughout Richie's entire being. 

"I love you," he blurted out dumbly, cheeks glowing a bright red color. Was it just him, or was it getting warmer? His stomach was normal, too, save for the butterflies he got every time Eddie smiled. 

"I love you too, Rich." Eddie's lips twitched upwards, and Richie couldn't help himself. He leaned forward, claiming those lips as his own and completely dominating them. Eddie sighed happily, arms wrapping gently around his boyfriend's neck. 

"Richie..." He pulled back after a few moments, giggling. Richie stole another peck, then two, successfully cutting off whatever Eddie had been trying to say until the brunette finally put a finger to his greedy lips, halting him. "We should get going before it's too dark out." Sure enough, the sun had set completely. It was almost total darkness. Richie sighed dramatically. 

"Only if you promise that we can continue at your house." Eddie rolled his eyes, but he was smiling as he helped Richie to his feet and they both hurried to get on their bikes. The ride to Eddie's house was quick and anxiety-ridden, but they made it, nonetheless. Eddie ushered Richie inside and past his snoring mother who was where she always was - On her recliner in front of the television. 

Richie was unable to wipe the smile off his face as he took Eddie's uninjured hand and led him into the bathroom, before turning and picking him up around the waist. 

"Richie!" Eddie whisper-yelled, grinning uncontrollably as the boy placed him on the counter with his hands rubbing distracting circles into his hips. "I have to get the stuff to clean up your hand!" The ravenette ignored his words, humming softly as he pressed his mouth against Eddie's neck. A soft groan was stifled as hands shoved Richie's head away. 

Eddie pushed Richie aside, hopping off the counter and searching in the cabinets for his supplies. He found what he was looking for and put it all on the counter, grabbing Richie's hand and holding it in a vice-like grip. 

"This is going to sting, and if you wake up my mother, then so help me, God..." Eddie mumbled the rest so Richie didn't quite hear it, and part of him was glad he didn't. But of course, he was Richie, and he could never pass up an opportunity like this one. This one was too Good to not Get Off. 

"Ooh, I like the sound of that... If I'm bad, what are you gonna do? Punish me?" Wiggling his eyebrows, Richie couldn't help but snicker at the horrified expression that caused Eddie's entire face to burn a bright red color. 

"Maybe if you're lucky." Richie's jaw dropped and he forgot to use his whisper voice. 

"Eddie Kaspbrak Gets Off a Good One - OW!" He clamped his own hand over his mouth as Eddie poured the clear liquid over his cut and it stung like a bitch. A painful hiss of air came rushing through his teeth as he chewed on his lip, squeezing his eyes shut and listening closely while Eddie cleaned the blood off of his hand. There was not a sound in the house, and Richie finally breathed, sighing in relief. 

"You are so lucky, Trashmouth," Eddie grumbled, bandaging Richie's hand. 

"Why? What would have happened to me if she had woken up?" Richie grinned, raising his eyebrows as Eddie pretended to ignore him, scowling as he worked on his own cut. His breath hitched when he started cleaning it, but other than that he didn't make a sound. When he finished, he immediately turned to Richie with a determined look in his eyes. 

"This," he replied, before jumping up into Richie's open arms and wrapping his legs around the boy's waist. The curly-haired teen immediately got the hint and hoisted the boy up higher, carrying him out of the bathroom and to the bedroom as quietly as he could. He threw the small boy down onto the bed, but before he could crawl on top of him he was being pushed down and Eddie was straddling his waist. 

"Ah, ah, ah. You asked what would have happened, and I'm showing you. Look, but don't touch." Eddie smirked and Richie's entire body felt like it was on fire as Eddie tugged his own shirt off, discarding it before he pulled his partner's shirt off and threw it aside. 

Not touching was proving near impossible as Richie was forced to sit back and watch Eddie's hands travel teasingly around his bare torso, fingertips just grazing his skin and leaving firey trails behind them. Finally, the brunette was leaning down. The little tease allowed his lips to hover over Richie's for a few moments, and he grinned, allowing his nose to brush against the boy below him's. 

"You little shit.." Richie exhaled sharply as Eddie giggled, shifting his weight back as he sat up so there was a bit more pressure on Richie's crotch than on his hips. 

"That's not very nice, Richie -" The second the words left Eddie's mouth, Richie seized the moment. His arms shot upwards and wrapped around Eddie's shoulders and waist, flipping them over so he was now on top, pinning the tiny boy down into the sheets. 

"I think you like it when I'm not nice," Richie murmured, ghosting his mouth across Eddie's bare chest. The boy shivered, causing Richie to smirk. "Don't you, Eds?" He lifted his head so he was staring straight down into those deep brown eyes as the owner of them nodded helplessly. 

"Good answer." Richie closed the gap, and was pleased to find that Eddie was already prying his mouth opened the second they made contact, which just spurred him on. He fought for dominance against the younger boy and ultimately won, exploring every inch of the mouth he wanted to memorize completely. When they broke apart to breathe, Richie smiled. 

"What do you say we call it a night, Eds?" He lowered himself next to his partner, wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling him close. Eddie snuggled into him, pulling the covers up so they'd stay comfortable. 

"I'm okay with it. Today's been long." 

Richie paused, before remembering what he had said once when they had been locked in a closet by their 'friends'. It brought a smile to his face this time as he buried his face into his lover's hair, closing his eyes. 

"Yeah, I know, Spaghetti. I know."


	18. 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SHIT RELAX I KNOW HOLD ON LOTS OF QUESTIONS BUT READ THE NOTES AT THE END OF THE CHAPTER ITS IMPORTANT IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS

"Shit! Oh, fucking hell, god damnit!" Eddie woke up the next morning with Richie laying beside him with a peaceful expression. The brunette got up, untangling himself from Richie's arms and struggling drum beneath the covers. He could already hear the steps downstairs as he shook his boyfriend vigorously. 

"Richie, wake up! My mom is going to come up here and if she sees us like this she's going to flip her shit!" Eddie shoved Richie's shirt over his head while the kid was barely half awake. He heard the heavy steps slowly making their way up the stairs, and Eddie panicked. He threw his window opened. 

"Hurry!" Eddie begged, ushering her boyfriend towards the window. Richie skidded to a stop, and spun around, pulling Eddie into a quick, but sweet kiss. 

Seconds after ushering Richie out the window, Eddie's mother burst through the door in all her glory. Red-faced and sweating from a simple walk up the stairs, the woman's gaze locked immediately on a still-shirtless Eddie. He quickly shoved his injured hand behind his back so she might not notice, but when her gaze locked elsewhere, he realized that hadn't been his biggest problem. 

"Eddie Bear... What are those marks on the side of your neck?" 

All that came to mind was fear. 

A boy, small as small could be, stared up at his mother. There was a dark look in her eyes as she glared down at her son, the small boy, and he shrank back. 

"Well?" Eddie flinched at the sharpness in her voice. He glanced at his dresser, his chest tightening as he couldn't spot his inhaler. What was he supposed to say? If he claimed it was another girl, he was in trouble. If he told her the truth, he was in even bigger trouble. 

So instead, he just stared at her. He wasn't sure if his cheeks were red or stark white. A staring contest began, one that he did not really want to be a part of. He was subconsciously aware of the fact that his eyes were starting to well up with tears, and he knew he had lost. 

"Are you going to make me play the guessing game?" Eddie tried to shake his head, but he couldn't move. 

"I'm not in the mood for this, Eddie Bear. Why don't you just tell me what happened?" She placed her beefy hands on what would have been her hips, if it weren't just skin. Eddie swallowed hard. He drew in a shuddering breath. 

"I... um.." Eddie blinked and felt the first few tears tumble down his cheeks. "It's... It was a dare. We play games at sleepovers. There's one called Seven Minutes in Heaven where you go in a closet with whoever's name you choose and you stay in there for seven minutes.. Even if you don't like the person, you're supposed to kiss. It doesn't mean you're dating or anything, it's just a game. We played at Ben's house the other night." He stared up at her with a few tear tracks still staining his face. She didn't look convinced. 

"What have I told you about lying to me, Eddie? What happened last time you talked back to me as if you knew more than I did?" 

Immediately Eddie was thrown back to the summer before he turned 15, when he had stopped taking his medicine for the first time. His mother had told him that his pills cost money, and money didn't grow on trees, but he had told her that money did in fact grow on trees, for it was made of paper. 

As the memory was completed, it came to life. Just as she had done a year earlier, Sonia lashed out at her son. Only this time, her nails were longer, and sharper due to how much she picked at them while she sat around all day. Eddie's cheek stung like mad and a hand flew to the side of his face as he stumbled back. He hit the wall and slid down it, staring up at her with a panic-stricken expression. 

"Get up. Don't be a baby, Eddie Bear, you're almost 16. I'm simply preparing you for the cruelty of the real world." Eddie struggled to his feet. He brought his hand away from his face and was almost positive there was going to be blood, but there was none. His face felt like it was on fire. He was really crying now, but he tried not to make any noise as he straightened up and looked just above her head. 

"Good. Now tell me the truth." Eddie took another deep breath, sniffling a bit. 

"It was a game -" He began, but was interrupted yet again by a searing pain in his other cheek. This time he did make a sound; a strangled cry escaped him as he flinched away. His hand, unlike the last time, did come back with a few tiny spots of red. Nothing to be too concerned about, he told himself. 

"Don't lie to me!" Sonia shouted. "That Tozier boy did this. You've been slumming around with him this entire summer! Did you really think his mother wasn't going to tell me what my son was up to in her household? That you didn't show up sick, and she didn't walk in on you two sleeping in the same bed? Did you think Mrs. Hanscom wasn't going to tell me that she heard yours and Tozier's voices, followed by moans?" The woman seized Eddie by the hair, and the boy yelled, grasping her wrist tightly. 

"You're my son!" She screamed. "Of course they tell me these things! It's their jobs, as parents!" 

"Let me go!" Eddie cried, struggling in her grip. He kicked her shin as hard as he could, and her grip faltered. He tore away from her grasp and dashed out of his room, tears blurring his vision. He nearly tripped, and missed a few steps on the stairs, but he regained his balance at the bottom. 

"You get back here, Eddie!" The brunette scrambled for the door, throwing it opened and dashing through the kitchen. He could see the front door looming before him, and it suddenly seemed taller, and the doorknob seemed like it was above his head. Everything was growing, distorting, like he was shrinking. He could hear the thundering of his mother's footsteps, faster than they should have been able to be as he finally reached the door in what felt like slow motion. 

When he tried to yank the door opened, it didn't budge. He looked down at his hands, and saw with a jolt of terror that the door was padlocked. He vaguely remembered Bev recounting that her father had done something similar that summer, when It was coming for her. She had said it almost felt like her father wasn't himself, like something was influencing his actions, forcing him to do what he had been doing. 

Forcing Eddie to stay in bed. 

Forcing Eddie to fall off the cliff. 

Forcing Eddie and Richie to show up at the house on Neibolt Street. 

Forcing Sonia to hit her son, scream at him until her voice was hoarse, run faster than she was physically capable of running. 

Everything clicked into place as Eddie turned around and barely ducked away from another stinging slap. He lunged to the side, his shoulder colliding painfully with the wall. Terror pushed him forward as he dashed back into the kitchen, trying to think his way out. Where else could he leave the house from? Richie had left from the window. How fast could Eddie get out and down the tree? His mother could get out side before he got all the way down, surely, but it was his best bet. He would have to try and dodge around her. 

There were frantic screams from the woman behind him as he made his way back up the stairs and threw the door shut in her face, wrenching the window opened. He didn't bother pausing to grab a shirt, though he was sure there was a bruise forming in his shoulder now. He practically threw himself out of the window, but upon glancing back at the room, he saw that his mother hadn't even begun to open the door. 

He felt his grip falter and a terrified scream escaped him as he fell from the tree, landing in a heap at the bottom. His head throbbed where it had hit the ground. His ankle felt like he had rolled it, but nothing compared to the way his head screamed in pain when a hand grasped his hair for the second time and pulled him upwards. Eddie clawed at his mother's wrist, tears streaming down his face as he fought to free himself through vision that was clouding with black. 

He tried to kick her shin again, and kicked the same leg, but she didn't fall for the same trick. If anything, she just gripped tighter. Eddie cried loudly and pitifully, but nobody was coming to help. Nobody ever did when It had something to do with it. 

"Just let go!" Eddie sobbed, his scalp searing with pain as she pulled a few hairs from his already-hurting head. She just laughed, landing another hit on his face with her free hand. 

Eddie had one last idea, and it was so stupid that there was no way it would work. A being like It wouldn't fall for it, whether it was just a shadow of the original or not. But it was all he had. 

Eddie became deadweight. He let himself go completely slack in her grip, crying out as her fistful of his hair was yanked harshly. He hit the ground with a thud, and burst into motion, crawling as fast as he could away from her grabbing hands. He struggled to his feet and broke into a run, trying to wipe the tears from his eyes so he could see better. 

For the first time in his life, Eddie hated Richie for actually thinking about his feelings. The trashmouth had put Eddie's bike away on his way home. Eddie didn't slow down, he just started down the street. He wasn't sure exactly where he was planning on going. He couldn't exactly stop somewhere that would have parents home, so that immediately ruled out Mike's, which was too far anyway. Eddie could already barely breathe, he wasn't making it into the fields. Bev's mom was always home anyway. Bill's parents stayed home out of grief. Ben's mother tended to be a stay at home mom. 

Of course, there was Richie's house. His father was out on business, but what about his mom? Would Maggie be home? 

Eddie finally remembered where he could go as he turned the corner onto that person's street. 

Stanley Uris, his best friend, who's parents both worked over the summer. Eddie sped up as much as he possibly could. He couldn't hear anyone behind him anymore, but he didn't want to risk looking behind himself, so he pressed forward. There were no cars in the driveway when Eddie turned onto Stan's property. The boy had a huge house, and a huge yard, so his house felt miles away from the curb. 

"Stan!" Eddie screamed, pounding on the door. "Stan, let me in, please, It's Eddie!" He tried the doorknob, and found it unlocked. He dashed inside and slammed the door shut, locking it and bolting it just to be safe. He proceeded to rush throughout the house, locking all the windows and doors that could possibly let anyone in. He wasn't sure if Stan was even home, but he wasn't about to let anyone else in. 

"Stan?!" Eddie finally sank to the floor at the bottom of the stairs, sobbing into his hands. There were soft footsteps running down the stairs, and then gentle arms were helping Eddie up the stairs. They entered a bathroom and Eddie sat on the floor, leaning against the sizable room's wall and allowing his eyes to slide shut as his friend began to clean him up. 

Stan didn't ask questions, he just held a cool cloth against each of Eddie's cheeks. He examined Eddie's ankle, which had begun to ache dully since the adrenaline faded. It wasn't broken, but definitely sprained. Stan left for a few minutes and came back with a pillow and ice packs. He finished bandaging up the side of Eddie's face that was bleeding, but it was only a little scratch from Sonia's uneven nails. 

"Come on, Eddie. You can lay on the couch and I'll call Richie." Too tired to argue, Eddie just nodded and let Stan help him into the living room. The boy turned on the news just for background noise and propped Eddie's leg up on the pillow, putting an ice pack over his ankle, and one on his head where he had hit it in the fall. Then Stan went into the other room to use the phone. 

Eddie allowed his eyes to flutter shut, his breath still wheezing. The panic hadn't quite faded yet. He knew Richie would be there soon, though, and Richie would have his aspirator. 

Richie, his hero, his knight in shining armor. The one who would be there within minutes, banging on the locked door. Stan locked it behind him again, and the curly haired boy was by Eddie's side immediately. Stan excused himself and left the two alone. 

"Richie... Do you have my inhaler?" Eddie managed a feeble smile after taking a puff of the medicine. If he could even call it that. Then he laid back, and took his first deep and clear breath of that day. 

"How are you always here?" Eddie lifted his hand and his fingertips brushed Richie's cheek. The older boy's face was smooth, and freckles dotted his skin like paint splatters on a canvas. He removed Richie's glasses and put them on his own face, ignoring the fact that it just made his head ache more because he knew he looked silly and he wanted his boyfriend to smile. 

But Richie just looked tired as he held Eddie's other hand and leaned into his touch. 

"I'm here because I want to be, Eddie. I want to be here, to help you. To take care of you. I don't care if you don't think you deserve it, because I think you deserve the world and more. I think you deserve the best, and I know I'm not even close to the best, but I'm going to be the best I can be. You deserve the world and all I gave you today was running away moments before your mom came bursting in and tore you to shreds. What kind of a boyfriend am I?" Richie's voice broke at the end of the last sentence. Eddie curled his fingers around Richie's chin, smiling through his exhaustion. 

"Look at me." When Richie averted his eyes, Eddie shook his head, running the pad of his thumb along his cheekbone. When Richie finally met his eyes, he continued. 

"I know. I know what you think I deserve, and I know that to you, the best is totally different. But have you ever thought about the fact that maybe the best for most people isn't exactly the best for me? Because you're the best for me, Richie. You've always been there to strengthen me up against stuff like this. I hated it when you would tease me, or force me to do ridiculously dangerous things, but at the same time I absolutely loved it. My mom would never have let me do any of that. The exhilaration is what I lived for. I lived for those moments with you. 

"You are the best for me. I need to learn to deal with life as it is. I can't always expect to be able to hide behind people. But I think the most important thing any person can have is someone to fall back on. Someone they can trust to help pick up the pieces when they do have to deal with stuff like this. I've always been able to count on you to keep stuff like this from happening to me because you let it happen to you instead. You remember that feeling, the one where you know that your loved one is there behind you? Did you ever feel that confidence in knowing I was going to be there to take you home and clean you up after you saved me from Bowers? 

"Ever since I've started getting myself into trouble, that's how I feel about you every time. I just know you'll be there. And as stupid as it sounds, just being there has almost always been enough. I know how to bandage myself up, but you're the one who makes it all okay. I've told you this before, Rich. You've just gotta smile." 

Eddie's smile grew a bit wider, and he pinched Richie's cheek, something the freckled boy always used to do to him. 

"It's cute on you. Your smile is contagious. It's the best medicine. And it's not a placebo, either. It's pure, and amazing, and it's beautiful. It lights up the room, and my heart, and my whole world. Because you're my world, Richie, and when you smile, you light up like a Christmas tree. So why aren't you smiling? Why won't you just smile?" Eddie's own grin faltered. Richie looked like he was about to cry. 

"Because I wasn't ever there soon enough." Richie really was crying. Eddie pulled the boy closer, wiping his face gently and shushing him. 

"Richie, you were always there. Who jumped with me every single time we went to the quarry? Who was there to yell at Greta Keene when they saw what she wrote on my cast? Who was there to hold my hand when we fought It? Who was there to spare me a punch in the face every time Bowers was around? Who was there to drag me away after I got a rock to the face? Who was there to make sure a hulking clown monster wasn't the last thing I ever saw in that stupid house? Who was there to comfort me after what we did with Bev in the sewers? Who was there to help me patch my knees every time I used to fall off my bike?" Richie was sobbing down, but Eddie couldn't find it in him to care as his bare shoulder grew wet with tears. 

"You, Richie. You were there to save me. You have always been there." Eddie pushed Richie up into a sitting position. "Now, scoot me over so that you can lay down with me. I'm exhausted, and my knight in shining armor is here. I need my beauty sleep." Richie did as he was told, sniffling pitifully. The boy even went so far as to sit Eddie up and slip his sweatshirt over the boy's body. 

"I love you, Eddie.." Richie buried his face in Eddie's neck, and Eddie took off the boy's glasses, tossing them across the couch. He wrapped his arms around Richie, smiling against his forehead. 

"Come on, Richie. What's my real name?" There was a moment of silence in which Richie pulled away and stared at the brunette with a lock of shock and absolute adoration. 

"You're kidding." Richie tilted his head, raising an eyebrow. Eddie shrugged. 

"I always kinda secretly liked it. Nicknames were always a you and me thing. I was the only one you had so many for, and I knew they made you happy because you always smiled when you used them. So, smile, and maybe just this once I'll let it slide." Eddie leaned forward, pressing a long, gentle kiss to Richie's lips. His boyfriend was finally smiling as they separated for a brief moment, so he could peck Eddie's nose. 

"I love you, Eds." 

 

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so. Wow. All done. Relax! I know you’re wondering, why was It still alive? What did they do to get rid of the traces that were still showing up? Well, my friends, there’s an epilogue but honestly it doesn’t explain shit. So I’m gonna explain it here. THERE WILL BE BONUS CHAPTERS. The bonus chapters will most likely be littered throughout the SEQUEL THAT WILL BE COMING OUT WHEN I AM DONE WITH ALL THE OTHER SHIT IM WORKING ON. The sequel is going to be more based around them remembering everything once they’re adults and kinda what happens when they face it again. The ‘bonus chapters’ are going to be flashbacks and DONT WORRY they will explain what happened with Eddie’s mom, and getting rid of the leftover traces. They’ll figure out what it is. So don’t freak out in the comments and be like FUK U AND THIS UNFINISHED PIECE OF TRASH I just wanted to end it here where they have this mutual feeling of ‘yes, I can be here for you by helping you get through stuff and learning from mistakes instead of always having to be there to prevent the mistakes from happening in the first place’. God, I loved writing this. But! I have a lot of stuff to be working on. Don’t worry! Ties will be made and a sequel is definite. Thank you all so much for joining me on this glorious adventure :) Love you all!


	19. Epilogue

Some people say love is fire. It burns furiously through your heart, and I'll be damned if it doesn't hurt, but it's still worth the pain because love is love. Love makes you who you are and your love helps make other people who they are. 

Love, as the man sitting by his window and looking out at the stars had finally found out, was merciless. It had torn at his heart and twisted it and stabbed it in every single reachable place until there was nothing left other then a scrap. It had poked and prodded, and applied just enough pressure that it was a little more than uncomfortable, and it hadn't let go. 

The only time it had changed was when it started to hurt more. 

The boy would had come to think that once it hurt more, it couldn't go back. 

But then it changed again, and it was the most beautiful thing he had ever felt.

Once your heart goes beyond it's comfort zone, there is no return. However, there are some people who do find the right person. It only gets better, and for the man, that's what happened. They had their ups and downs, but in the end, it was all as it should have been. They never had to get over each other. 

Then again, nobody ever really gets over the illness called love. 

They just find someone who they love more than they loved the last person. 

That's why the man was content. He knew he was sick, sick with this horrible disease, and he understood better than anyone else that it wasn't one you could recover from. He had spent his life trying to shake this illness and all that did was make it stronger. Love was an incurable condition to him, and when he finally fell, for the first time in his life, he fell harder than he had thought possible. 

The boy with neatly styled brown hair and bright, doe-like brown eyes, his face speckled with freckles, had fallen harder than anyone in the world. 

He had stars before he even hit the bottom, screaming up into the infinity, screaming, I wish, I wish, I wish, but what? 

What did he wish? That he would be loved back? 

That was definitely possible. Of course. He would be loved back by the only boy he had ever wanted to be loved by. 

After all, who wouldn't love a boy who was always there to fix your knees when you fell off your bike? Who wouldn't love a boy who kept you in your place, and made sure you passed school by doing your homework for you when you forgot? Who wouldn't love a boy who wanted you to be happy, even if he had to watch you mess around with girls for four years when he knew perfectly well that he could have asked you to stop at any time?

Who wouldn't love a boy like that? 

Nobody, not a single person, not even the person that he wanted to be loved by, not even the boy with the highest standards in the world wouldn't want him. Not even that boy, the hero, the knight in shining armor, the one who used get down and dirty with anyone who looks at him wouldn't want to be with this brown-haired boy of thirteen years old. 

How did he know? 

Why, because Richie Tozier was the very man who was sitting beside him with a glistening silver ring that matched his own that reflected the millions of stars they were watching at that very second. 

 

The very stars that Eddie Kaspbrak had been wishing on all those years ago. The very stars that had made all of his wishes come true. 

 

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LOVE YOU I CRIED WHILE WRITING THIS


	20. THANK YOU OH MY GOOD LORD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love you all

Oh god we’ve been through shit haven’t we. ONE LAST TIME FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DONT READ MY FUCKING NOTES. I know stuff was left unexplained. There’s going to be a fucking sequel. As adults. Where there’s flashbacks explaining how they fixed shit with Sonia, and the lingering voodoo shit that It left behind. Sequel will come when I’m done with other shit. Ok? Kapiche? Cool. Love you all! Thanks for making this a,axing journey with me :) Loved writing this. Love you guys so much thanks for all the supportive comments! ❤️ 


	21. SEQUEL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s been a while.

[**.: You Know :|: Richie Tozier/Eddie Kaspbrak :|: Sequel To I Wish, I Wish, I Wish :.**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14671971) (69 words) by [**SachikoLuvsYuh**](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JMLacey99), [**JMLacey99**](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JMLacey99)  
Chapters: 1/?  
Fandom: [IT - Stephen King](https://archiveofourown.org/tags/IT%20-%20Stephen%20King), [IT (2017)](https://archiveofourown.org/tags/IT%20\(2017\))  
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences  
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death  
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris, Richie Tozier & Stanley Uris, Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh  
Characters: Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier, Bill Denbrough, Sonia Kaspbrak, Stanley Uris, Beverly Marsh, Ben Hanscom, Mike Hanlon, Henry Bowers, Myra, Reddie - Character, stenbrough - Character, Benverly - Character  
Additional Tags: Gay, Everyone Is Gay, Everyone is Gay Except Ben Hanscom, Reddie, Stenbrough, benverly - Freeform, Mike loves everyone, Character Death, Sad, Sad Ending, Shh it’s okay though, Because you already know what happens, just eat candy, itll be ok  
Series: Part 2 of [.: I Wish, I Wish, I Wish/You Know :|: Reddie Works :.](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1024383)  
Summary:

'' inhale, courage  
exhale, fear '' 

\---

sequel to I Wish, I Wish, I Wish

\---

ongoing, started 5|15|18

That’s a fucking link and it’s huge and I don’t think that’s how it works and if it isn’t then I’m gonna delete this and repost once I figure it out but there ya go I’m working on it


End file.
